10. Leave me alone
*one month later*
After another month in hospital I can leave today. I just got home with Liam and we went inside. I just sat down on the lounge and turned on the TV and watched some cartoons. Things between Liam and me are good but at the same time not the same. I feel like he blames me for everything which I would blame myself as well. I mean I’m pregnant with someone else’s child because I was raped. I heard my phone ring and I answered it. ‘’hello’’ I said. ‘’Zoe. It’s Harry’’ Hary said. ‘’what’s up?’’ I asked him. ‘’Jordan has had the twins’’ he said. ‘’congratulations. We will be right over’’ I said getting up of the lounge. I hanged up and went upstairs to get Liam. I jumped on the bed and said ‘’Liam we got to go back to the hospital. Harry and Jordan have had the twins’’ I said so he got up and we went towards the car and headed back to the hospital. We got inside and I asked ‘’what room would Jordan Hannah be in?’’. ‘’room 301’’ the receptionist replied. ‘’thanks’’ I replied and went up. I saw the room and we went in. ‘’hey guys’’ Jordan said. ‘’hey honey. Look at how cute they look’’ I said. ‘’yes they are. Tyler and Bradon meet Aunty Zoe and Uncle Liam’’ Jordan said to the twins. ‘’hello gorgeous buba’s ‘’ I said picking one of them up. Liam picked the other one up.
The way Zoe was holding Brandon I think was really cute. I have been pushing Zoe away lately because I cannot get over the fact that she is pregnant and I feel really bad. I gave Tyler back to Jordan and Harry and I went for a walk to get coffee. ‘’what is going on with you and Zoe?’’ Harry asked. ‘’what do you mean?’’ I replied. ‘’you and Zoe get along quite good and now it is like your mad at her for nothing. Do you know how this is making her feel? So explain yourself’’ Harry said. ‘’I don’t know. It is her fault that she got shot and raped. Because she walked out that day over nothing. If she didn’t go that day we wouldn’t be here now and she wouldn’t be pregnant with her father’s baby. She just wants everything to be like they were before and I cannot do that. Because it isn’t things have changed’’ I replied. ‘’no it isn’t her fault. You shouldn’t have went off her that day because she was drunk. It isn’t her fault that she is pregnant but you are acting like a complete asshole to her and showing her that you haven’t changed on tiny bit’’ Harry said making a point. ‘’But’’ I started to say but he cut me off ‘’no buts Liam. She needs you and your just being an ass to her’’ he replied. We got the coffee and went back to the room.
Harry and Liam went to go get some coffee leaving us girls alone with the babies. ‘’Zoe what is going on with you and Liam?’’ Jordan asked. ‘’I don’t know it is like he is pushing me away but I don’t blame. I mean it is my fault that he got shot and that I’m pregnant with someone else’s child. If I wasn’t such an immature brat I wouldn’t be pregnant and he wouldn’t have gotten shot’’ I said. ‘’Zoe it isn’t your fault. They tricked you into going because you loved Liam. Liam got shot because he didn’t listen to the police and just ran inside. You need to talk to him’’ she replied. That is when the boys came back. Liam and I left the hospital at 3:30pm and got home at 4pm. I rushed to the bathroom because I felt sick. When I got in there I had sharp pains in my stomach and there was blood coming out of my Vagina. Oh no I have lost the baby. That is what these signs mean. I have had a miss carriage. The bleeding ended up stopping and I sat down on the floor and cried and I cried and I cried. ‘’Babe what’s up?’’ Liam asked. ‘’I’ve lost the baby’’ I replied. ‘’oh babe come here’’ he said. I opened the door and hugged him and just cried.
Zoe lost the baby and I felt a bit bad for ignoring her. ‘’Zoe. I’m sorry I have been avoiding you’’ I said. ‘’why were you? I needed you and I still need you!’’ she replied. ‘’because, well because’’ I began to say but then she cut me off. ‘’is it because you think it is my fault that you got shot, I fell pregnant and now lost the baby?’’ she said. ‘’not all of that’’ I replied. She hit me and said ‘’tell me the truth’’ she demanded. ‘’ok, ok, the truth is that yes I did blame you for everything that has happened, But I don’t know what for’’ I replied. ‘’oh that makes me feel much better’’ she replied. ‘’but it is the truth. You wanted me to tell you the truth so that is the truth’’ I replied. ‘’ok’’ she replied and went to get up. ‘’where are you going?’’ I asked. ‘’to the bedroom is that alright with you?’’ she asked. I knew what exactly she was doing. ‘’what are you going to do?’’ I asked. ‘’go to bed and sleep for a bit’’ she replied. ‘’I know you just lied. I know what you will do and I cannot have that and I will not allow you todo that Boo Bear’’ I said. As soon as I said that she ran up the stairs and into our bedroom and locked the door. I ran up there and banged on the door.
I think I’m depressed again. Nothing good is in my life anymore. My Fiancé hates me and blames me for everything. He is my world. I cannot handle him being mad at me. So I locked the door and broke the razor in the mirror. I started questioning myself. Do I want to do it? Do I really want to die? But then again life isn’t worth it at the moment. ‘’Babe open up’’ Liam said banging on the door. ‘’Go away and leave me alone. Everyone would be happier if I just died’’ I said in tears. ‘’No that is not true’’ he replied braking down the door. ‘’Don’t come any closer or I will do it’’ I said holding the razor to my wrist. ‘’Babe. You have me, the boys, Jordan and now the twins’’ he replied. ‘’you don’t have me you just blame me for things’’ I replied. ‘’no babe. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry’’ he said which made me cry even more. He came closer to me and I just dropped the razor and he hugged me. I just cried into his chest and he cuddled me. ‘’it’s going to be alright’’ he whispered to me and I feel asleep in his arms. I woke up in bed and it was 6pm. Liam was beside me. ‘’hey how are you feeling?’’ he asked. ‘’I’m better now because of you’’ I replied and he kissed my forehead and we just watched a movie and fell asleep together.