I finish telling Niall about what had went down around a month after Bryce had arrived the same time Zack did last year. He reaches for my hand and lifts it to his lips, kissing it and laying it back on the table where it's comforted by his own hand. Staring into his eyes, my mouth moves to recite something I'd said to him before, "Don't ever leave me, Niall."
* * *
Niall covers my body with the comforter and I bundle up a bit and tuck it next to my chest. I'm not at all tired, neither is Niall. I keep thinking, thinking of something we could do. My eyes travel from my fidgety fingers to his beautiful blue ocean eyes. Pools of beauty in their own way. Niall inches closer to my side and snakes his hand up my back to my neck and massages it lightly.
I lift my legs over his and I'm instantly sitting on his lap, biting his lip and my fingers once again ruffling in his golden blond hair. His breath smells like Nandos... Gee, I wonder why. He pushes me closer to him. He lays back and I am still on top, I suppose I'll do most of the work tonight. Constant kissing, ongoing craziness, finally no clothes.
"I want you, Niall! I need you," I gasp in a kiss. His grasp hardens on my hips and his lips continuously manipulate mine, twisting and turning, until he stops almost instantly.
"We can't," He rejects. "I don't have any protection left."
"Shit, so much for that." I get up and enter my closet, coming back to him with a little square package. "I always keep some extras." He smiles and laughs at my secret stash I keep aside for him, and we start back up again.
I break the kiss between Louis and I and smile at the face he makes, making it completely obvious he was enjoying himself during our little clothes on make-out session. Pressing my finger against his lips and pushing myself off the couch, Zack walks in the room.
"Zack, keep Boobear company for a sec, okay?"
"Ew, no!" Zack freaks.
"You know what I mean you dumb fuck," I laugh. and head off to my bedroom. I slither into the black fleece pajamas and slip on my slippers that have tons of funky designs on them and check my phone, seeing a missed text from Bryce.
B: Why is Cyrah still acting this way? I apologized about a thousand times!
A: I don't know why she can't let it go Bryce, but it's not my problem. You hurt her pretty bad for some reason and I don't understand her reasons why.
B: I know, and I don't know what I did that was so terrible. I went out with that chick for awhile and didn't think she'd mind, but obviously she did. I thought me and her could be soul mates, but obviously mister 'I'm Niall Horan,' had to come swooping in and steal her. Anything else I have to say about why I dated that other girl?
A: Bryce, I know you loved Cyrah and ever since that phone call she told me about where she announced to you she was pregnant with the girls, you kind of snapped and went with that girl. Sorry I just don't like saying her name, but why would you try her after what Cyrah has been through and you knew?
B: I don't know, I just wanted to try her out. Ride it for a night.
A: That's gross either way, but if I was Cyrah I would have made up with you by now honestly.
B: Thanks, Angel. I have to go now anyway.
A: Alright, Bryce. Have a good night.
I join the boys back downstairs and curl up with Louis as Zack switches on a movie. We watch a marathon of paranormal activity and I don't find it scary at all. Zack's face is stuffed in a fluffy pillow and Louis is fast asleep.
"Oh, Louis," I murmur. "If only you know how much love it took for me to change to this." I fall asleep with my head on his arm.
~Keeping myself locked away under lock and key, I stare out into the dark world of the future. Maybe a few months to a year from now, I don't look much older. It's like I'm lost, with nowhere to go, like I just lost what meant most to me. Like I was just killed, but I am not dead. Still breathing, heart beating, mind racing all in perfect rhythm with each other. I'm screaming like I can't handle myself anymore. My eyes trace the beautiful sharp ridges and black handle of the knife I hold in my hands. My fingertip slicing itself along the blade, my hands moving the object with mysterious beauty. A weapon this dangerous, is also most beautiful. I drag it across my wrist, legs, knees, shoulder and forehead. One place that can't be cut unless you really, truly want to die is left; The neck. I lift and drag it over, cut by cut by cut.~
"Louis!" I scream, shooting up. "Louis!"
"Angel, what's wrong?" He asks as he sits next to me on the couch.
"I was killing myself. I'm going to kill myself., I'm going to lose something!" I freak out.
"Angel, look at me," Louis instructs placing my face between his two hands. "You wont lose anything. You're safe here."
I nod slightly and Louis wipes away my tears with the sleeve of his sweater. What did I lose there? I'm going to have to find out, before I lose it. I don't care what Louis thinks, I'll find out, weather it the last thing I ever do.