WARNING: This chapter will contain graphic scenes... not too graphic though
How could I let her down like that? Dammit, why am I such a screw up? I wish that, for once, things could go right without that damn woman barging in and ruining everything. God damn, I need a drink. I sigh at the collection of beer bottles on the table before I get up from my indented position of the couch and walk over to the fridge. The light that hits my eyes contrasts the dark, gloomy apartment and I squint my eyes whilst they adjust as I reach for another bottle though my hand hits nothing. Shit, I need the beer; a situation that I have faced one too many times. I walk and grab my coat from the coat rack and stumble down the stairs and out to the street. The cold air hits my face and a shiver runs down my spine. Without looking, I start to cross the road and I hear the sound of a loud horn, and my heart rate speeds up immensely as I jump out of the way.
"Watch where you're going, jackass!" A woman calls out from the widow of her car. I wave her off and keep going, my vision slowly start to haze. I know that one day, that car won't miss, but I just hope that I might be to wasted to feel the impact.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I say, blankly. I don't know if I am apologizing to myself, Rachel, or Ava.. She stays silent as I try to show her how broken I really am. I can just imagine what I look like right now; eyes, bloodshot, lip trembling.
The vision that I have of myself looks weak, and broken; just as I was that night. I try to take deep breaths and stop the tears, but they are only replaced by new ones and Ava stays with me through the whole thing. Her eyes remain closed, as if she fears to see me so broken, and her fingers lace through my hair, calming me a bit. My arms remain tightly wrapped around her waist in desperation to feel the closeness to her heart as her forehead and nose remain pressed to mine. I don't know what it is about this that makes me feel so safe, but I am not willing to let it go in order to find out. Ava doesn't respond. She just simply stays there, whilst I calm down.
"Are you okay?" She asks, when I've stopped crying. I nod slightly and kiss the tip off her nose as she opens her eyes. I don't know what to say to her about this. But I think that she understands that I will never love her the way that she wants me to. It's a difficult topic really, because I don't know how to say anything without thinking about the bet, but I also know that I can't hurt her.
Make a move, now mate. You have to get her to give in somehow. The voice in my head says, and I listen. I kiss her and her tiny hands fist at my shirt. I pull her closers to me by her hips and press my body against hers. She is trapped against the counter. I feel her smile against my lips as her tongue touches hers, teasing her; letting her know what I can give her if she'll just give me a chance.
"Zayn." She whispers against my lips.
"Shut up." I say lightly to her as I return to what I was doing. I stand now, so that I stabd over her and she manages to get the bottom of my shirt up over my head as the soft material hits the floor beside us.
Just a tension reliever my brain adds in, as I am reminded of the previous night. Dammit. Okay Zayn, get into your usual groove. I bend slightly and fold her legs around my waist as her bum rests on the counter. Shit. She looks so good right now. She's a pretty good kisser too. Her shirt, now. My conscious tells me, and I slow start to move my hand up her thighs to the bottom of her shirt.I feel a small moan come from the back of her throat as I touch my tongue to hers and deepen the kiss. Shit, shit, shit. Don't get excited. Don't.
Her hands go through my hair, and I feel a moan leave my throat. I'm done. There's no going back now and I know that I can't stop myself. Her legs tighten around my waist as my body presses against hers. Fuck. My hands go to the bottom of her shirt and as I touch her skin, I swear I that the seconds that follow may be the slowest seconds to pass my life. I feel the soft skin of her hips. All of a sudden, she stops kissing me, her hands pull out of her hair, and she pushes me, hard, away from her; making me stumble back. The look in her eyes kills me. her breathing is fast, and she quickly shies away from me as I bring myself to a standing position again. I can see her run from the counter, into her room and slam the door.
"Shit." I say in frustration. "Ava..." I say, banging on her door.
"Stay away from me." She yells at me. Her tone scares me a bit and I grunt. What did I do? I don't get it. I mean, I guess she doesn't want anyone seeing whatever she is hiding. Wait.. whatever she is hiding. She is hiding something. I know it. Now I just have to figure out what it is.
How could he do that to me? Touch me like that. Well, he didn't know. No one knows. I don't want anyone to know. I sink down in front of my door and bury my head in my hands as I try to shake the memories of that night from my brain. Crap, crap, crap. They are all coming back. I lock my bed room door and run into the the bathroom as I am faced my my reflection. I am fine, I tell myself. But as the material of my shirt hits the bathroom floor, my face changes, and the dark scar tissue that covers most of my torso. I can hear him on the other side of the door, banging and begging me to open it up.
"Come on Aves' just open up, please." He shouts. "I'm sorry."
"GO AWAY!" I yell at him... or more, scream. I rest my hands on the counter and take a deep breath as I continue to just stare.
'Fat, useless, no good, rotten, whore. You are never getting anywhere. You know that, don't you?' Her voice rings through my ears and I cover them, in attempt to silence her. I screw my eyes shut, but I am only reminded of that night one more.
'Charlie, we need to teach her not to scream.' She smirks at me. I lie in the carpet, surrounded by red stains. I try to put pressure on my wounds, by my hands are ripped from my body and slammed over my head.
'Please mommy. Daddy, please.' I sob to them and attempt to move, though the way that they stare only belittles my mind, and staples my mouth shut.
'Shuttupp' Daddy says as his cold, sweaty, blood-covered hand swipes across my face.
'Teach her not to scream.' She says, stepping towards me as she carefully traces a finger over my face. I don't dare to move. I show no emotion to the monster that kneels before me, or her minion that creeps closer to me. His hands to to his belt and everything goes black as the thump to my head brings my world into darkness.
My eyes open once more to face my reflection in the mirror. My breath is quick, and I feel like my heart could jump out of my chest.
"Ava..." My eyes snap to the door, where they are met with hazely ones. Shit. "What the fuck..." He says, walking over to me, as he looks at me with terror in his eyes. I don't know whether to cry, or yell, or say nothing. But finally, I scream. I take every ounce of air left in my body, and I just scream.