What happens when you feel everything just go... numb? When you've passed the anger, the pain, and the suffering, and you just sort of sit there, staring blankly at a wall. You wonder what can bring you from this unbearable feeling. What makes it go away? When does it all stop? Ava Foster hasn't always had the best life. This is her life. This is her story.


9. Nightmares

Ava's P.O.V.

I stay standing there for a while, just replaying that moment through my head. Why did he pull away? Did I do something wrong? I thought it was amazing, but I can't seem to figure out why he didn't like it. It's weird, but my lips are tingling a bit, and I don't know why. I sigh and pick my bag up from the floor. This old, dusty library is making it hard to breathe. I walk past the big, wooden front desk as the woman behind it looks at me with an 'I've been watching you', look. She is weathered and you can tell that her thick reading glasses aren't doing anything for her from the way that she squints her eyes. Her nose is pointed and she wears an awful  shade of reddish-brown lipstick. But never-the-less, I send her the best smile I've got and politely nod to her.

I start to walk home, thinking about the wonderful night at work I will have (not). Zayn will walk in there with his leather jacket on and his hair styled perfectly. He will sit at the bar and joke to about how I let him get to me so easily. Eventually, he will find a girl to leave with, but he will smirk at me before he does, that smug bastard. I send a quick text to Kelsey saying that I am leaving school early because I 'feel sick'. I would've had Philosophy in about 20 minutes, but I wouldn't be able to focus anyways, so what's the point? The more I think about it, the less I want to face him. He knows what he's done to me. I feel my chest start to ache as I think about the whole situation once more. He doesn't want me.  I let my guard down for him so easily, and now he does this?


Kelsey's P.O.V.

I am on my lunch break. Ava texted me saying that she was going home early. Said she didn't feel well. I see Zayn walking through the crowd looking furious. I wonder what happened. His gaze catches mine and he quickly pushes his way over to me.

"I need to talk to you." he says, glaring right through me as if that driver was standing behind me. I consider looking behind me, just to make sure, but I don't.

"okay, I can skip my next class if you--" He cuts me off.

"No. Tonight. Your place ok? I know where it is." And that's all he says before he walks away. I am slightly irritated about this, but at the same time curious. I mean, the last conversation we had was about him making Ava part of this little game he plays, and now he wants to talk? About what? I don't text Ava. She will be at work anyways. I sigh and rub my eyes a bit before walking to my History and Evolution of Fashion and Style.


Ava's P.O.V.

I decide to call in sick to work. My shift is supposed to start in 20 minutes, but Mike will be okay. "Hey Mary" I say dully into the phone, trying my best to sound sick.

"Oh hello dear, are you alright?" The concern in her voice shows. I feel slightly bad, but I don't have the energy to put up with him right now.

"I'm really sorry Mary, I've caught the flu."

"oh dear, don't worry about it, okay? You just feel better and come back in a couple days." I can tell that she is smiling by the tone of her voice.Her voice gets higher when she laughs or smiles.

"Thank you so much Mary, I will be in touch."

"Okay, Bye." She says before she hangs up. I sigh and get up to change into some fuzzy shorts and a large t-shirt. I tie my hair into a bun and sit in the living room, flipping through the channels to find anything interesting. There is a knock at the door. Kelsey probably forgot her keys. I race and open it to not find Kelsey though.

"Hey Doll." He says, smirking at me. I cross my arms in front of my chest.

"What do you want?" I question him. I don't give a shit where he is, as long as it isn't close to me.

"Let me in." He says, trying to get around me.

"Why should I? o way I'm letting you in to my house." I try to slam the door in his face but he stops it effortlessly with one of his hands.

"Well then go cry to mommy that you aren't going to get what you want again." He smirks, but then his expression changes as does mine.

"Okay, you know what? You may thing that you are this smug little prick that could get any girl falling at his feet. But that only shows how blind you are." I poke my fingers into his chest. "You are sick Zayn. You're a sick animal. Don't EVER bring my mother up in any of our conversations. Oh wait, there won't be anymore." I walk back into the apartment, leaving the door open for him to step inside. "Have a nice fucking stay." I say as I go into my room and shut the door behind me.

"Ava wait!" I hear him knock on my door, but I stand in front of it, hoping it will give me some time. Why does she always have to come up? She is a monster. I don't ever want to see her again. EVER. Why doesn't anyone get that? Zayn uses his body wait to push the door open and I slide to the floor, but quickly get up.

"What? What the hell could you possibly want. Huh?" I throw my arms in the air, infuriated at this point.

"Look, I'm sorry about your mom." He says quietly. He doesn't know a fucking thing. How dare he say something like that to me.

"Don't talk about her." I state. My tome is harsh, but considering the circumstances, fair.

"Why? Because it hurts? Look, I know that she was addicted to--"

"I SAID TO NOT TALK ABOUT HER. CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS?" I scream at him, hitting my fists against his chest, though he doesn't even flinch.

"What the hell?" I hear from across the living room. Kelsey stands in the door way with a bag of groceries. "Did I miss something?" She asks, raising her eyebrows.

"No." I say, looking at Zayn. His jaw is clenched tight, but his eyes are soft. He looks angry and sad at the same time. "Everything is fine." I say, closing the door behind me. I sigh loudly and sit on the bed. I look to my drawers where I shoved in the note from her. I go over to the dresser and hole the envelope in my hands. I look at the hand writing on it. 'To My Ava', it says. I can't do this. She destroyed my life. She doesn't care, so why should I?

"You know, you can't act like this forever, Zayn." I hear Kelsey say from the other side of the door.

"I know, but it's hard. It's the only way I know to numb the thoughts of her, constantly running through my head." I cover my mouth. Who are they talking about.

"Zayn, this isn't the right way to do it though."

"But--" He tries to cut her off, but she doesn't let him.

"Just listen to me please. Hear me out." There is a small silence, so I assume that he is nodding. "Okay, I know that you feel guilty, and that you blame yourself for what happened. But you had no control over it. That man... he feels as much guilt as you do, and the fact that it was a complete accident doesn't make it any better. He is spending the rest of his life in jail because of what happened. You have a second chance to live."

"I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT HER!" I jump slightly as I hear Zayn yell. Is he the man that Kelsey was telling me about? She never told me how the girl died. All she said was that he couldn't get her out. Out of where? I can only imagine what the circumstances could've been. "Kelsey you weren't there. I was with her through the whole thing! I saw the fear in her eyes when she realized what was going to happen. The way the colour fell from her cheeks. I would've stayed with her and left this world. But the stupid fireman had to pull me away. I could've gotten her out. And she still told me that she loved me. The last words that ever left her perfect lips. Telling me, of all people, that she was in love with me. And I didn't have time to say it back before she was taken from me forever." I hear him sniffle a bit. Is he crying? Well, I would be too.

See this is the thing about him that confuses me. He is a prick on minute pushing my buttons and the next he is crying in the middle of my living room. Half of me is still angry and the other wants to go out there and hug him. I sit on the floor of my room, press my ear against the door and just listen. I end up sitting there for three hours and before I know it, it's 11 o'clock and I am exhausted.

"Look Zayn, It's late, and you've had a couple drinks." Kelsey begins. "Can you just stay on the couch for tonight?" She asks him.

"I guess so." His tone is different again. Don't tell me that he has triplets living in his brain now. I get into bed and close my eyes. I am so tired from the events of today, that I fall into a deep slumber within minutes.


"NO! Rach! PLEASE!" I hear a scream from  out my door. I rub my eyes and jump out of bed and into the living room. Zayn lashes out o the couch, drenched in sweat and screaming for help. I run to him and shake him awake.

"Zayn? ZAYN!" I grab his shoulders. His eyes snap opens and he looks to me.

"Ava?" He asks. There are tears in his eyes and he is out of breath. I nod as I am pulled to his chest.

"Are you okay?" I ask, my speech comes out a bit muffled from my face against his shoulder.

"No." He admits.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, looking at him.

"No. He says and pauses. " Can you stay with me?" His eyes begs my. My brain says no way, but my heart tells me to take a chance on him. I decide to go with my heart.

"Okay." I say and grab his hand, leading him to my room. He sighs in relief and thanks me. I close the door and lay back down in my bed. When he joins me, I feel the bare skin of his legs and chest against my legs and arms. His arms wrap around my waist  and tugs me a bit closer him as he sighs once more.

"Zayn, what are you doing?" I ask him calmly. I don't have the energy to fight with him in the middle on the night.

"Climbing Mount Everest." He says and I laugh a bit. I feel him smile, as do I. His voice is low and soft now as his arms tightly grip to my waist. Before I know it, I hear a soft snore come from his mouth and I too fall asleep.



Okay, thanks so much!

as always,I love to read all of your lovely comments, so don't hesitate!

Today, just happens to be my birthday, so I hope that this chapter will do well! I posted a poem yesterday, that is really personal to me. So I would really love it if you checked it out.

Love you all, I will be in touch soon.



(P.S. I have started referring to myself as my real name now, but my nickname is still Mara, so yea.)

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