Dammit. I shouldn't have followed her. Wait. What am I talking about? What if I hadn't been there? What would've happened? Why was I so angry about it all? I slammed my fists onto the steering wheel as her teary-eyed look runs through my mind. She was so scared. I saved her. Her of all people. When it's the annoying, over-dramatic, but friggin' hot girl from my Philosophy class, I save her. But when it's the only person in my life that I love, I can't get her out. Shit. I get back to my apartment and look around. Ava's shirt and jeans still sit on the bathroom counter, neatly folded into a pile.
She sits on the cold pavement, shaking in fear. I walk over to her and bend down. I look at her face before wrapping my arms around her and lifting her into my grip. My heart races as I carry her to my house, to care for her wounds. Nothing more.
Ughh. I sit on the couch and sigh. I don't have any vodka or whiskey when I need it most, to get her out of my mind. So I do the only think I know how to. I take out my sketch book, and draw it. I mimic her perfect features over her face, as my pencil traces the lines of her soft lips, nose, eyes, and cheeks. I draw her bent knees, with the holes in her jeans and the scrapes over her arms. I cringe at the memory of her eyes as I draw them in. So unsure, and frightened.
She pushes my buttons, which pisses me off as much as it turns me on the the same time, which then, of course, pisses me off even more. This chick is engraved in my mind. Why are you thinking of her? You know that she will NEVER replace me, that voice rings through my ears. I will always be here. You won't forget me, and you know it. I won't let you move on for what you let happen to me. Fuck. "It wasn't my fault." I say aloud. Oh, but it was. Don't you not remember? You couldn't get me out... and when you had the chance to stay with me forever, you walked away. "That's not true!" I yell. "I didn't want you to die. But the cop pulled away before I could..." I can't continue as her voice over powers my mind. Screaming through every cell of my body as her strings control my every movement, taking my thoughts of Ava away. I grab my jacket and head to the bar. The only thing that numbs everything.
"Wait... Zayn? Zayn Malik?" I ask in disbelief. No way. He doesn't do anything nice for anyone. I'm pretty sure that the only person who can get him to open up to her even a little bit now is his Nanny. No, not his grandma, but the housekeeper his parents' hired to keep him and his sisters away from them. They are monsters, and they hardly even looked at Zayn, none-the-less talked to him. Ava nods at me.
"I know right? I mean he was such an ass earlier today in Philosophy--"
"You have a class with him?" I cut her off. He can't play with her heart. She is already broken enough. Just leave the poor girl alone.
"Yeah. Anyways, it was like it wasn't even the same guy. His eyes were different and he was softer with me. He hugged me too, which was weird, but amazing at the same time. I don't know, I'm so confused about this."
"Okay hon, just get some rest today." I look down at the scrapes covering her body. "You have had quite a day." I smile at her and grab my jacket and go to the door.
"Where are you going? It's late." Ava asks.
"I just need to grab some pads from the store. You know, running low on that stuff is never good." I lie to her, sending another smile. She nods as I walk out the door and lock it behind me. I don't need a GPS system on this guy to know where he is every hour. I walk to the bar, and spot him on one of the stools. I walk over and grab his arm. His eyes widen when he sees my angered expression. "Look Zayn, you mess with every damn girl in this entire city and I don't give a shit. But Ava is a different case, okay? She has been through enough already and she doesn't need you to go messing up her feelings. As her roommate I need to look out for her because she doesn't have anyone else to trust. I mean do you have any idea how strong a girl has to be for her to lose her mother that way?" I cover my mouth at the last part and my eyes widen. Zayn's gaze drops and he looks at me.
"What way Kels? What happened?" He seems to genuinely care for her. This is weird. I haven't seen him like this since...well, her. I just can't tell if he means it or he just wants to change his game up a bit.
"Um. She left them when Ava was s-seven. Drug addiction. Heroin." He looks sad. I can tell that he is thinking about Rachel. I soften my voice.
"Is she okay? I mean, since I dropped her off." He asks and I nod to him. His warm gaze catches mine.
"I don't think that you are good for her. I mean you have hurt so many people since.. her" I say and look away. I don't know if I just made the situation better or worse. But I know that I can't let him hurt her, not like everyone else. She has been through too much to be played by a man who believes that he can no longer love. And she won't be the one for him to test his boundaries with.
"But what if I am trying to be different?" I asks.
"Well, she is not the one to test your boundaries with. Just leave her alone. She doesn't need your mindless games." I say to him while he clenches his jaw.
"Fine. I will stay away, but you can't blame me when she throws herself at me like the whore that she is and then I turn her down." I slap him. Right then and there. I don't have anything else to say to him. I walk away, him smirking at me behind my back. Unbelievable.
Ava and Zayn's P.O.V.
I lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling. My hands folded over my chest move up and down with the speed of my breath. Pictures of them fly through my mind, bringing a smile to my lips. The voices that ring through my ears cannot push these images away. Once, a heart that cannot love, forever a heart that is trying to love. For once, I am not hurting for myself, I am hurting for them because I know that they have got it worse. That they have been through too much to even think of comparing to. To lose someone the way that they lost her, I could never imagine that. I feel a beat over the left side of my chest and just listen. To the sound of my heart coming back to life. To the sound of a chance of happiness.
And I give thanks to them.
For the next few days, I don't see him around. Only in class. Not in the bar, or around school. I see him in our philosophy class and then he disappears until the next one. He doesn't even talk. We got our project in photography for our summative too. It's called: "Ten Thousand Words". So basically, we are given a word, and we have ten pictures to portray that word. We had an interview with our professor first to see what word would most challenge us, of course I get the word 'Love'. I am stumped, but I think philosophy will eventually help me with it. We basically cover a new topic every day. So 'Love' has got to come up on one of them.
Right now I am in the library of one of my buildings at school doing some course work, when I see him walk by me and go to a book row. I pick up my things and go from the opposite way. I don't know why, but I feel a small spark inside me. I enter the row and walk right up to him. Why has he been ignoring me?
"Where have you been?" I put him on the spot, pacing my hands on my hips. He smirks at me.
"Around doll." He says. His voice chills me and I think of a witty response to send back to him, but nothing comes up.
"You've been ignoring me since that night." I state, looking down.
"So? Like you care." He says, looking through the books on the shelf.
"I do care. You saved me Zayn." I touch his hand slightly and he looks to me. Our faces are close and I feel his warmth. He suddenly grabs my hand, pulling me to him as he plants his lips on mine and the spark in my chest is flaring like crazy. I kiss him back and feel his hands on my waist and his body against mine. My lips move with him and for one second, I feel different. Happy? No, it couldn't be. All of a sudden, he pulls away and looks at me with wide eyes.
"I have to go." He says, backing away from me and grabbing his book, before leaving me in the middle of the book isle, with my heart in pieces.
aww I feel so bad for Ava at the end of this chapter :(
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