What happens when you feel everything just go... numb? When you've passed the anger, the pain, and the suffering, and you just sort of sit there, staring blankly at a wall. You wonder what can bring you from this unbearable feeling. What makes it go away? When does it all stop? Ava Foster hasn't always had the best life. This is her life. This is her story.


3. Move

Ava's P.O.V.

I open my eyes to the white ceiling above me. My last day in this shit hole before I pack up and leave, for good. I live with my dad, have ever since I was 7 and Catherine left. She is my mother, though not a very good one. She was a drug addict. Heroin. I don't remember a lot about her, just that she wasn't around a lot; which wasn't really surprising. My dad isn't that bad, but he has his moments. On (what would be) the anniversary of their wedding every year, he goes out and gets shit faced. I'm not talking like a couple drinks though. I'm talking so messed up that he comes home does unspeakable things and doesn't remember anything when he wakes up three days later. Don't ask me to talk about it because I won't. Don't like me yet? I don't give a shit. Yep... that's my life.

I start Uni in two weeks. I have been accepted to the University of London for their photography program and lucky for me, that is far from this place. The best part about it, I have a full scholarship. My dad and I live in a tiny, two bedroom apartment in the slums of Ireland. I have worked my ass off for the last 10 years. I have always been determined to leave this life behind, and now I finally can. I don't have any friends. I don't want any, nor do I need them.

I get out off my air mattress, pull my jeans and sweatshirt on and pull my long brown hair back into a pony tail. I double check that I have all of my things and check the time of the ferrie and train ticket. I pull the zipper of my suit case closed and bring all of my stuff to the front door. My dad comes to the door with his hands dug deep into his pockets and his shoulders slumped in.

"So you're off then?" I look to the floor and give him a slight nod. He takes his hands out of his pocket and hands me a small white envelope. "I know it's not a lot, but here." I look up to him and take the envelope. I consider remarking the fact that if mom was still here, we would've had a lot more, but I decide against it. He works overtime so that he can keep up with the bill and at the end of the day, I can't say anything bad about that. I shove the envelope into the sweatshirt pocket.

"Thanks dad." I say with the most emotion possible from me. I hesitantly step to him and give him a slight hug. This doesn't happen usually for us. "I'll call you when I get there okay?" I say and swing my backpack over my shoulder, grabbing the handle of my suitcase.

"Okay. Ava, I'm so proud of you. Your moth--" I cut him off.

"I know dad." I say and open the door. I look back one more time before walking out, closing the door behind me.I take a 15 minute cab ride to the ferrie and board. I go to the front of the boat and sit on one of the benches, plugging my headphones in my ears. I take out my camera and take a couple pictures of landscapes on the water. There is a little boy and his sister looking over the edge. He has is arm wrapped around her. I smile at them. I had a job at Haplin's Bridge Cafe, that's how I get money to pay for everything. I have about 4,000 saved up.That's also how I afforded my laptop, camera, and Ipod.

I am supposed to be meeting Gary Wellman, the landlord of the apartment I was looking at, when I get off the train. He gave me the address and told me that he already had a girl living in there, so I would have a room mate. Kelsey? I think that's her name. I see the dock and I see the crew members come out to tie the boat down and everyone goes towards the exit. I take a deep breath before exiting the ship. I catch a cab to the train station and get there just in time to catch my train. The train ride is pretty boring, I mostly sit and look out the window. I take out the envelope that my dad gave me and look through it. There is about 500 cash and then a folded piece of paper.

My Ava, it reads,

Today is the day that you are finally free. You are your own woman now and I am so proud of you. I know that I haven't been perfect, but I know that If I had stayed, than your life would have been so much more difficult.

This isn't from my dad. No. I can't read it. Not if it's from her. I fold the note back up and shove it into my bag, not even taking a second look at it.

"Attention passengers, we have now arrived in London. Thank you" The P.A. guy says over the system. I grab my things and head to the apartment. A tal guy with short brown hair is standing at the doorway.

"Hi, Avaliegh?" He asks and puts out his hand. I give him a confused look. What the hell?

"Oh, sorry, I'm Gary." He says. Oh...

"Hi, yea, but you can call me Ava." I say a bit hesitantly and shake his hand lightly.

"Okay, the apartment is on the second floor, so, let's go." He says, opening the door for me. I follow him up the the apartment and he opens the door to it. The floors are hardwood and I immediately see a small living room with a grey, wrap around couch and a TV. Off to the left in a kitchen and to the right I see a bathroom.  "What do you think?" Gary asks hopefully. Honestly, it's perfect, I say to myself.

"I love it." I say, then add. "Where are the bed rooms?"

"Oh, right off the living room, this way." He gestures into the living room and to the right. He opens one of the doors and I see and double bed with grey comforters. I smile and look at the brick wall and top to bottom shelf unit.

"How much is it a month again?" I turn to him and cross my arms.

"500. and since you have a room mate, 250." He offers me a light smile. I smile to myself.

"i'll take it." We go back into the kitchen and I sign the papers. I see and girl come out of her room in pajama shorts and a large UofL sweater. I'm going to make a guess and say that she is my room mate.

"Hey, I'm Kelsey." she says and smiles. She has blonde curly hair that is tied back into a bun. She's pretty.

"Hey, I'm Ava." I look at her sweater. "You go to University of London?"

"Yea. I'll be starting my second year of beauty school. You?" She asks.

"Photography. First year." I say.

"Okay, well cool. I'm tired, so I will see ya tomorrow yea?" She says and disappears into her room.

I go into mine and get changed. I lay on my bed and smile to myself. I'm here, finally.

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