“Are you sure you’re not hungry?” I ask her. She sits there, waiting to be released. This hospital is depressing me, seriously though, it’s annoying. Death is literally in the air and it smells NASTY!
“No, I’m okay.” She bluntly replies. I sigh and cross my arms over my chest.
“Ava, you have to eat sometime. Do you want me to call Zayn?” I threaten.
“Go ahead, not like he would come anyways.” She lies back down and turns away from me. I wonder if I should call him. Would he come? I know that there is something changing with him. But I can’t tell if he is being a good guy or just acting this way to get another girl. I get up and go into the hall, closing the heavy, metal blue door behind me and dial his number.
“What?” He answers the phone. His words sound weird to me.
“Zayn…” I say in a concerned tone.
“Whatthefuckdoyou w-want.” He slurs. Of course… he is hammered at a time like this.
“Zayn…” I say again, this time, more concerned.
“Listen. Listen. L-L-Listen.” He keeps repeating.
“I’m listening!” I half-shout.
“I love her.” He slurs into the phone. I am about to respond when I here there prolonged beep. I end the call and shove it back into my pocket. All this talk about Rachel is getting ridiculous. I mean, he doesn’t have to be drunk to realize that he loved her. We all know.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn around to face one of the doctors. He is blonde with brown eyes and stands quite a bit taller than me. He looks about 30, not for me, but he is still very attractive.
“Hi.” I smile at him and slightly wave.
“Hello, you are Miss. Foster, yes?” His deep, toned voice says. I nod. Alright, so she is ready to be discharged. Can I trust you will her pain medication?” I nod again. “Okay thank you…”
“Um, Kelsey.” I finish his sentence. He hands me a clipboard with a signature line and a pen. I take the pen and sign on the line before handing it back to him and taking the meds.
“Ava?” I ask walking into her room. I see her turned to her bed, buttoning up her plain shirt. “Time to go. Are you ready?” I send a sympathetic smile to her. She sighs and nods as we walks out of the hospital. I wonder what happened between her and Zayn. I wonder if she likes Zayn the same way that he loves Rachel.
‘No, you don’t love her. Don’t you dare say that. She is a bitch and a slut, and she would never love you the same way’ her voice rings through my ears, and I cover them, attempting to mask her screams, though they only grow louder.
“DAMMIT” I scream to a voice that is only heard in my imagination. Its seriously annoying though. I don’t understand why I am so afraid to let go of her. Of everything that happened.
“Zayn, Zayn. Help me please…” She calls to me. Tears stain her pink cheeks. I must get her out. The is a cut beside her eye from the broken glass. I can see her struggle to get her leg free from the heavy weight that it is trapped under.
“I’m coming, baby.” I say, pulling at the door with all my weight. I cut my hand on a free piece of metal and wince in pain as I pull it back.
“Dammit, Zayn. Stop being such a pussy for two minutes.” She says angrily, grabbing at my hand that is still on the car. Her blonde hair whips around in panic and she starts to cry again, leaving me no other choice. I groan and keep going. Shit.
I can feel the sweat on my forehead from the fire all around her. I hear her cry out in pain as I pull at her hand. I hear sirens in the background, but I know that they won’t be here in time.
“Shit.” I rub my forehead and look around my apartment. I go to take another swig from the bottle in my hand, but no liquid comes to my lips. The bottle is empty. I moan and stumble into the kitchen, knocking over a glass on the way. The light from inside the fridge pieces my eyes and I squint whilst I reach for another beer. I pop of the cap and go back to the couch.
And I sit there all night, thinking, drinking, and mourning my mistake. I don’t sleep because I know that her voice yelling at me while I am awake is one hundred times better than all of the voices screaming at my mistake whilst I am sleeping. It’s too much. But I know that Ava is the only thing that makes it all go away. And even though I would never admit it to her, she is the only thing that makes me feel. Like, I think that I still may have a heart when I am with her.
For the next couple days, I wonder if it was even worth giving him a chance for him to take my heart. I sit here, waiting for any sign of him. Even though I would never admit it to him, he was the only guy to ever make me think that it was possible. Love, I mean. To me, it was always just an illusion to make people feel loved, even for a while, on the solo voyage that is life. But with him, I don’t know, I just thought that maybe we could’ve been something great.
Okay, so I'm really sorry that I haven't been updating. As some of you may know, I have been in the hospital for a while. I am back home now, but I am still quite weak. I will try to update on schedule, I promise.