I stand up from the ground and wipe my eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming. I look once more at her picture. Her straight blonde hair and her breathtaking blue eyes. I bend down and place a soft kiss over the glass, wishing that somehow, it would be replaced with her instead.
"I'll be back. I promise." I whisper to her as I dust off my knees and start to walk away, leaving my heart behind. It will forever remain caged with her. No one can take it back. I get back into the city and drive to my flat. I don't want anyone tonight. I want to be alone. To drink away what feelings I have left. I want them gone. I grab a bottle of Johnny Walker and open the cork, tossing it to the side while I take one giant swig out of the bottle.
"You couldn't save me" I hear in my ears and whip my head around, only to find an empty space from behind me. "So you save yourself and leave me there to die!" I hear the voice scream at me, through my own head. I vigorously run my fists through my hair and drink more.
"NO!!" I scream out and smash the empty bottle against the brick wall. "I couldn't save you." I called out to her. I sunk to my knees and hit my fists against the floor. "I'm sorry." I whisper, I feel the tears start to return. I place my hands on my face and lean down so that my head is touching the floor. "I'm sorry."
As my shift comes to a close, I say a short bye to Mike and start to walk home. It's dark, and the mask that covers the streets of London through nightfall intimidates me. I keep my head down, and walk double speed until I get to the apartment. It's only about 11:45 when I get home, and Kelsey is sat upon the couch watching and old episode of Friends.
"Hey" I say as I walk into the kitchen and make myself a ham sandwich. With the open floor plan of the apartment, I can easily see my way around.
"Hey. So, how was your first day?" She asks as I run all of the possible answers run through my mind.
I consider mentioning my unfortunate encounter with possibly the biggest prick on the planet, but decide to just go with a subtle: "Okay. How was you're night?"
"Good, just sorta sat here and got ready for classes." She smiles at me as I sit down next to her. Before I know it, we are deep within conversation. About anything and everything. I mean, we go through all of the little details about ourselves until one thing is brought up. "So then what was your child hood like?" She asks. She might as well know. No one else does and they do say that having someone to trust is a good thing.
"Umm. Tough to say the least I guess." I start, trying to choose my words carefully. "I don't remember a lot of my mum. Only that she wasn't there a lot and when she was, no one was happy. I never saw the drugs, but I knew they were there somehow. When she left, I remember my dad getting really sad. I got off the bus one day... and he was just sat there, in the middle of the driveway with his head in his hands balling his eyes out. I asked him what was wrong, but all he did was keep crying. He hugged me to his chest and just said 'Don't worry baby, daddy will take care of you.' I don't really think I understood what he meant." I pause. My heart aches at the memories flooding back to my brain. "He worked so hard, and she was never there. He always told me that she would come back the next week. That she away on business, and her trip was just extended or something. Eventually I just told him to stop lying to me and tell me that she wasn't coming back." Kelsey stared at me with glistening eyes and I felt my own start to tear up as well.
"You don't have to--"
"No no, it's okay. I want to." I say, quickly wiping my eyes as I shake my thoughts and continue. "I just wish that she knew how much pain she causes us. He is still hurting. I saw it everyday, but she was always too high to even consider the effect it was having on the man who gave his heart to her and her only daughter." I sniffle a bit. "I was so angry at her, and I shut everyone out, even my dad. Even though he works so hard to provide for me, I didn't want to just be another bill he has to work for...another reminder of the things that she left behind. That's why I wanted to get out of there. My dad always said to me that I reminded him of her. Apparently I have her stubbornness, and her eyes." I smile. "I used to catch him looking at old photo albums from when everything was still okay. I remember one day, I picked one up myself, and the first picture was of her in the hospital with me in her arms. She was smiling down at me and my dad's arm was around her shoulder. They just look...happy. But I can't hep but think it was all a lie. That everything was set up, just to break him down that much more." I say, as I come back to reality. "Sorry Kels. I didn't mean to talk so much." I smile at her.
"It's okay. I like to listen. You're really strong, you know that?" She says and puts her hand on my shoulder.
"Well, I have to be. For him and for me." I say.
"Oh honey, it's okay to feel something other than hate." She says and pulls me into a hug. I hug her back tightly. It's unusual to me. I feel all warm inside and even though I have only known Kelsey for 24 hours or so, I feel close to her. "You can always come to me to talk okay?" She states and I nod to her. She says a quick good night and sweet dreams before going to her room. I take a deep breath and try to shake out of my mushy melt down. Be strong Ava. Being weak is for losers. You are the only one who you can depend on. I say to my self, knowing it is true. Think about it. You can't trust anyone too much. Even your shadow deserts you in complete darkness.
Okay so that you so much for checking out my new story! Great things are to come! and I am so so excited to write this, so thanks to everyone who liked this already!
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