Midnight Letters

Letters to him. Written usually in the middle of the night.

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1. January 15, 2014

Why is it that it's always you who pops into my head when I'm alone at night and I have no intention of sleeping? I say I'm over you but as soon as I lay down, it's like a tsunami of memories just hit me all at once. First, it's always the memory of when we first started talking. Then it moves on to the first time we met at that stupid movie theatre in Chattanooga. I call it stupid because it'll always be tainted with our memories. Then comes the first time we kissed.. It was like a spark was between us. Now I realize that might've just been a warning for me to stay away. Then that time at the park. I hit you then. Not in the face but I still hit you, but you shouldn't have flipped me off. I think I loved you. And to be honest with you, I thought you loved me. Now, I realize that was probably just my imagination telling me to believe you loved me because I wanted it to be you who loved me first. Remember the first time you said "I love you" to my face? That made it feel real. But it wasn't. Everything you and I had was a lie. I remember all my friends saying you were no good for me, I see it now. I also remember the time you asked me out and then you wouldn't even talk to me. I always thought it was me doing something wrong, but it was you. And all those fights we had? That was the only way you'd talk to me. It was stupid, I know that now. But I did it because I thought I loved you. You're the reason I question why a guy is looking at me. You made me feel like I can't do anything. "No, you can't sing." Thanks, but I'm not gonna let your opinion affect me. What did I ever do to you? I missed you, when we first quit talking. Then I realized something. If you wanted to talk to me you would've by now. So I've given up. It's over. Our friendship I mean. It's all over. Goodbye.

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