It seems there is sand forever, and it is flat for miles and miles and miles; and yet somewhere they say there is a mountain. Many mountains.
Welcome, to Night Vale.
*Listen to the video here*
The council has denied that the woman from Italy ever visited Night Vale, they also remind us that the woman from Italy does not exist and that we should forget she was ever here. Then they erupted into loud shrieks and moans which injured everyone inside the room. On that note, for the parents and carers of Jenny the intern, we are awfully sorry but your child has been taken by the council and will probably never return.
I'm sure you are aware of Koshak, the cat that is hovering four feet off the ground in the men's bathroom of the radio station. Well, if you have adopted one of the many kitten's that permanently live here, because they too have been frozen in permanent hovering prisons, you should come along. Most of the kittens have began developing their spine ridges and glow eyes! Isn't it exciting? We do warn you to be careful when petting your hovering kitten and keep your hands away from their mouths. As, and this is adorable, they have started developing their poison sacks. Yes, isn't it just beautiful?
There is some other good news concerning Koshak, he has moved. Yes, intern Greggory tells us that he saw Koshak walk around his hovering spot. Isn't it brilliant? Although, intern Greggory is now lying on the floor not breathing. To the family of intern Greggory, we are very sorry for your loss. Carlos, perfect Carlos; with his perfect hair came in to investigate the death of Greggory and the moving of Koshak. He left with concerned look and said that we should evacuate the building and kill Koshak, but how could be we kill poor defenseless Koshak? Also, who would be here to speak in a calm soothing voice during these times?
The mayor has a notice for us today, during the speech which no one attended; she told me to remind you that 'angels DO NOT EXIST. Any information on the Angel hierarchy are disclosed and should only be known by specific council members. Anything the angels say are LIES. Angels do not exist.' Then she slammed her fists against the podium until they began to bleed. 'ANGELS DO NOT EXIST.'
And now a word from our sponsors. Today's program is brought to you by Strex, your supplier of everything. Look around you, STREX. Look inside you, STREX. Go to sleep, STREX. Believe in the smiling God.
Now for the traffic. Yep, he's doing good. Nice car, wow. It's vintage and everything, I really like it. Ooh, he's just bordering the limit of the fifty miles per hour speed limit. My God! He needs to slow down! He's way over the speed limit, slow down! That was the traffic report.
Do you remember the glowcloud? The one that is hovering over the elementary school in Old Night Vale? Well, according to the staff at the elementary school and people who are passing the dog park [which you should not enter and you should have no knowledge of] say that the glow cloud was conversing with the mysterious hooded figures in the dog park. Imagine that? The school staff board went on to say: 'The glow cloud, who is now on our board of seniors; rained letters and jakelopes down on the mysterious hooded figures.' Then they went on to say; 'ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD!'
And now, the weather.
We would like to remind you of the standard movie ratings in Night Vale so that you can watch the appropriate movies with your child.
PG-Protective Gear [to be worn while watching]
PG-13-Protective Gear [13 layers]
Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.
Welcome to Night Vale is not our idea or works and many of the idea's inside this books are not ours either. They are the works of common place books and Welcome to Night Vale is a podcast we urge you to listen to.
Today's weather was Nightmares by Chameleon Circuit, if you would like to feature any music in any upcoming chapters please comment bellow.
Today's proverb: What can see with many eyes and uses it's fur as a disguise? I don't know, but it's in my bathtub. It's growling, HELP ME!