Me, Myself, and I

This is going to be about Me and emotional bullshit and all sorts. Sometimes not emotional, but ok. Also EVERY FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE!!!! (obviously)

LACE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


16. IDK

HEYY you guys!! It snowed last night as i told you in the last chapter, and it's about 4 or 5 in. Of  snow. This is the most snow Seattle has had in like 8 years.


I'm so glad that writing helps me with my pain because recently i haven't been happy. I may seem happy but i'm not, ever since i was 7 i haven't really been happy. Here's the story.

When i was 3 my dad left for 4 years. He would be in town but he wouldn't visit, he didn't even call and see how me and my sister was at the time. 4 years later... he's crawling on his knees because he didn't have a place to stay, my mom asked if i wanted him to live with us for a while i said yes. He moves in i'm happy until he started treating me different, i was so used to him being nice all the time that i wasn't used to him being mean all the time. Whenever he would be mean to me i would suck it up and walk away but most of the time i stood there and getting lectured. After he would finish talking i would go to Meme (my grandma on my mom's side). I would tell her all the time what he did and she would be like "it's going to be ok" i would agree with her even though i always thought it wouldn't be ok. A year later... Meme ended up moving out with us and went to live with her brother. We would go over every sunday because we went to the same church (except my dad he doesn't go). We left church and went over Meme's brother's house (uncle Michael), i told her i needed to talk to her and she knew why. So we went in this closet i would go in all the time to cry, i told her i need her to come  back. 2 months later... Meme came back we talked and my mom wanted to know why she came back, Meme said i was the reason she came back. My mom didn't know what she was talking about so she explained everything i told her, my mom said sorry i accepted her apology but i still wasn't happy. 2 weeks later.....

My sister started having problems with our dad, one day he criticized her and she got tired and told my mom, then there was a big argument Meme jumped in and was trying so hard not to hit my dad. My dad left after the argument , my mom start putting my dads stuff outside the door and put a note on his stuff it said: "i'm tired of you making trouble with the kids, go look for a place you can't stay here anymore."  He came by later , he grabbed his stuff and took it, he didn't even knock and tell us that he left. The next day..  I woke up and opened the door to see if he really left, i saw that his stuff was gone. Meme told uncle Michael everything, then i realized that everything that happened i was the cause of it because i approved that he could live us. I keep blaming myself for it even thought it was a while ago i still blame myself because i was the cause and everything that happened was the effects. Nobody knows that i still drag this pain with me, every time i think this comes to mind then i cry and cry until i can't anymore. I just sit and think what if i said no❓ What would have happened❓ would i stay happy❓




"I have so many questions but no answers". The question is why❓ why did dad leave for 4  years❓ why didn't he call❓ why didn't he visit when he was in town? He knew where we lived.

When i was in 5th grade he didn't come to my graduation, i called him to let him know he said he'll come. Why didn't he come? The people that i see everyday came, everybody that i wanted to come was there except my dad. I was hurt but i didn't show it, i didn't want to break down in front of everyone so i went back to the classroom. I still don't have an answer to my question i'm in 7th grade going into 8th. I ask him and ask him i never get a answer.


Well there bye!!

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