Thoughts of a Dead Girl

Hi I'm a 16 year old girl, and I don't care about looks or how I act or even what I say or do because of one good reason... I'm dead. Yeah I know what your thinking. "Why would you do that? Your so young! You had your whole life ahead of you and you threw it all away!" But my life was a hell to me and to properly explain what was going though my head I'm going to show you some of my thoughts. So here's a dead girls thoughts. *This book mentions cutting and suicide*

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10. God?

Well i believe in God and haven and stuff... I think. Ok let me explain from the start, that might help.

First of all i was raised in a Christian family everyone in my family is christian and goes to church every Sunday, and up to the age of 7 I thought everyone was Christian, I thought it was the norm. That's when i started to realise that that there were hundreds other religions and i started to question my my faith like it all seemed like a game, pick a religion and if you pick the wrong one then your screwed. So I was questioning my faith until I was in year 6 and I had a friend over, Megan, and my family said grace at dinner everything was fine, until the next day.

I went to school and no one was talking to me and i didn't know why, until a girl in my class came up to me and said "Is it true you and your family were trying to convert Megan into being Christian?" This shocked me all my family did was say grace in front of her, that's all we did i swear on my life that's all we did! Ow... I'm dead, but we only said grace I swear.

But the thing that I said next shocked even me. "Sorry I don't know what your talking about I don't believe in God and that crap." I denied my faith, that's huge if your Christian, it's a sin.

Long story short i denied my faith until I was half way though year 8 when my friends all said they were Christian. It was also then I went on a church youth camp, and I actually enjoyed it and i was happy to be Christian for the first time in years, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. 

But all good things come to an end, I didn't feel happy after i left that camp like the weight came back, but my faith was stronger, but that faded after a month or two aswell. And you guessed it i started questioning my faith again.

It was only the second before I died I felt like there were angels looking over us, like there is something up there.

 

*I'm here to help*

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