Breathe Me-Niall Horan

"Just because you've fallen, doesn't mean you have to break."


17. Let It Go


I raced out of the building with hot tears steaming my vision. Rain poured from the clouds, creating puddles that I had to jump over with heels on. I ripped off the heels and carried them to my car, holding my hands over my head to block some of the falling water.

I hope the boys feel bad. I hope they come running out here, forgetting about the rain, and come apologize. I wanted that to happen so badly, that such an imbroglio like this didn't matter. I just wanted to be Niall's girlfriend again, and the rest of the lads best friend.

But the first one will never happen. I won't let it happen, he wasted three years of my life, how many more could he damage?

I got in my car and looked out the rear view mirror. Maybe, just maybe, someone was coming after me. To show that they cared.

I looked carefully, and spotted a furtive figure darting puddles. The closer they got, the easier I could tell who it was.

A soaking wet mop of blonde hair and dripping chinos tapped on me window.

"Mr. Tredway stopped the meeting and the rest of the lads left. I was supposed to go with Louis, but he's trying to get us back, umm together. Can I get a ride home with you?" Niall asked, his eyes pleading and glistening with hope.

"Don't you have a phone?"

Niall nodded yes.

"Go use it," I spat, starting the engine and sputtering away.

I kept glancing back in the mirror, watching as he seemed to shrink as I kept speeding away.

He doesn't deserve anything from me after all he has done to hurt me. I tried to contact him after I saw him cheating, to get an explanation, but he never answered.

I was trying to convince myself that Niall meant nothing to me and that I shouldn't feel bad that I left him in the rain, because I shouldn't.

I got home and twisted my dangling keychain out. I put the key in the door of my flat, which was two stories and had dark brown shutters and a light brown solid coat. A maple tree was in my front yard, swaying back and forth from the wind that seemed to teeter it, just like my head because I was wondering if I should feel bad about leaving Niall, or not.


I put my wet heels in the closet and sludged upstairs to get changed. I turned on the lights in my room, slipping off my dress and putting on a green Nike sports bra and white athletic shorts. I washed off my face in the bathroom and combed out my blonde hair, throwing it in a messy bun.

An eerie feeling crept into me, crawling up my legs until it landed on my wrists. I was in the bathroom, where I kept my razors.

But, I shouldn't do it.

I am practically fired.

Niall hates me.

I hate Niall.

I don't want to hate Niall.

Just do it.

Let it go.

I reached into the shower and got the razor.

I got my phone that I left on my bed in my room and sent Niall and the rest of the boys something, directing messaging them all.

Dear Liam, Harry, Zayn, Louis, and my love Niall,

I'm sorry I was a bitch. I'm sorry I caused so much pain in your life, and Niall, if you didn't cheat on me, I'm so sorry. You will always be the person I love, and even if it's not the same for you, that will never change. I thought about the final decision I have come to for only a brief period of time, and I knew from the second I thought of it, it was the right choice.

Please don't be sad when you find out what happens. It is for the best, and it is  what I want.

I love you all so much, Louis, Liam, Harry, Zayn, you guys are my brothers, even the gap of no contact for three years. Everything you guys did always made me laugh, and I could never stay mad at you for three seconds without bursting out in giggles.

Niall, I love you. I love your personality, I love your hair, your eyes, when you raise your eyebrows when I said something stupid, your morning voice, your voice in general, your messy hair when you woke up, everything about you was perfect. 

I will always love you.


I slid the razor against my wrist, feeling the dizziness swoon my vision and the blood trickle down my hand and onto the floor. Usually, when I cut before, I would stop when the blurred vision came, but one farther slice against my skin was all it took to make me unconscious and I fell to the tile floor. 



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