The last note of In the End rang out. I was happy and calm as I walked out of the venue amongst many chatty fans. Now my life was complete, I had seen my favourite 5 people in the whole universe. I had managed to push to the front and Andy had looked me straight at me and his blue eyes had melted my heart. Although I was sad because I knew I would never get to see them beautiful eyes again and just because I always felt sad.
I started making my way down to the riverbank, with the wind blowing in my face. I finally saw it. I sat down, dangling my feet in the water; this would be a nice place to die, it was so silent, so peaceful here. It wasn't like other parts of the Thames were loud boats passed every second and there was bars blocking the way to the water. The grass was tickling my legs as I looked up at the sky, "We will soon be reunited Michael" I whispered as I blow a kiss upwards.
I smiled and cried as I thought back to childhood memories, I had always been the kind of person who could remember almost every detail of my life.
I remembered Michael, my first true love, the boy with the blue eyes and brown locks, I remembered the first time I had met Michael, he told me everything about his awful family and his anorexia and how he may not survive much longer if he carried on the same and in return I stuck by him, it was hard knowing that I had to try and make him eat or he might die and it was hard talking him out of purging when he did eat. I remembered the day we first kissed, our first date, the times when I was happy.
I remembered the day my life fell apart, 1st October 2011. I remember hearing a bang and then seeing Michael lying senseless on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. No matter how much I tried I could not get him to respond. I remembered the paramedics arriving and telling me there was no hope, that Michael's heart had just given in, that I would have to live without him. I had just turned 16 and we were both living in a small flat alone. I could not take this pain any longer.
I remembered the day the bullying started, I had hidden myself away after Michael's death and girls started calling me names like 'slut' and 'fatty'.I remembered the 16 and 17 year olds acting like they where 10 years younger than they actually where. I remembered the harsh sting after being slapped and kicked countless times by different girls.
I remembered the way my alcoholic mum had never listened to my pains and worries. She had never been there for me. No wonder my dad had left her. I had never met my dad but apparently I looked like him.
I remembered the day Michael and I ran away from home and started living off benefits in a council flat. There where really bad living conditions there but we didn't care because we where happy and we had each other. I remembered the small council flat I still lived in today but would never return to. Some other homeless person could have it now.
I remembered the first day I cut. It felt so good and after that I got addicted. I remembered the day I was diagnosed with depression and then the days I was diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia. I remembered the days I broke down, the day I screamed but no one heard me, the cries for help.
I remembered Mariam, my best friend, the only girl I had ever known not to bully me. I remembered her smile and the jokes we shared. I remembered the day I told her everything, and the many days that she tried to help me but never understood. I remembered the girl who thought she was going to see me tomorrow, the girl who thought she would live with me in the future. I remembered the best friend who had always been there for me even if I wasn't there for here. The girl I would never see again...
It was this point I started bawling. With blood dripping from the very ends of my fingertips, I stood up and looked into the murky waters, the sky was reflecting in the water and I could see the moon and stars. "Another star in the sky tonight," I whispered to myself as I dived into the deep depths and blacked out...