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26. Losing or winning?

Mom came into my room with some soup on a tray. She put it down on my desk and watched me closely. 
"Niall has rung!" she whispered. "He's heartbroken. What happened?" 
I didn't answer, and lay with my back to her. She came over to the bed and sat down where there was space. 
"Come on, sweetheart., You must talk to him." 
I didn't want to admit I was scared. I didn't tell her that I changed my mind and I didn't want her to know. 

"He still got the ring!" she whispered tenderly. "He said that maybe he'll give you time to think over the decision." 
"No!" I sobbed and turned my face towards her. "Everything is too late mom." 
She shook her head and smiled at me. 
"It was wrong of me to questioning him. He's wonderful." 
I didn't almost see for all the tears that come out. I tried to wipe them away, but couldn't. I snatched for breath and tried to think of what I would tell her. 
"Well mom. It's too late for everything."
She looked fondly at me and straightened the blanket over my body. 
"Tell me why you left him." 
I shook my head, but she didn't give up. In the end, I threw myself into her arms and hugged her tightly. 
"You will only get mad at me." 
She swallowed and shook her head. She held her arms tenderly around my body and pulled his hand over my back to comfort me. 
"I'm not mad at you!" 
I sobbed and didn't release her. 
"Mom, I'm pregnant!" 
She was startled and dropped me directly. She looked straight into my eyes and it was like she understood me. 
"Are you pregnant with Niall?" 
I nodded and wiped away tears. 
"It was too much, all at once. Engagement, the baby and I didn't know if I wanted the same thing that he wanted. But now I want him back, and I don't know what to tell him."
Mom looked at me for a long time and then she took out my cell phone and gave it to me. 
"Call him and tell the truth." 
I shook my head. 
"No, I don't dare, and he might get mad at me." 
She smiled lovingly at me, her daughter, and shook her head. 
"Does he love you he will understand. Call and tell Niall what you feel." 
I refused.


I had a TV in the room and after a few days, I chose to put it on. I watched old movies and boring stuff. Right as it was came the news on and I balked. A large picture of Niall and the others appeared. 
"One Direction set tour and thousands of fans are angry!" 
I sat up and just stared at the television. She continued to talk. 
"A spokesman for the group says it has to do with personal problems in the band and they're not currently able to perform. Rumour's saying that it has to do with Niall Horan, but we haven't had it confirmed. During the last show, he wept over their famous song Little Things."


I just sat and stared at the television. I realized the damage I had made and immediately I regretted more than I could manage. I lay down and just stared at the ceiling. Niall was devastated and I really fucked everything up.


I don't know how long I just lay staring straight out. I was unaware that mom came in, she gave me food that I didn't finish. I didn't drink either water, so in the end I was about to dry out. Therefore, I was sent urgently to the hospital. I wasn't aware that the doctors put a drip in my arm, or that they saw how the baby grew. I had no idea about anything.


I didn't want to die, even if I sometimes thought everyone wanted that. I didn't want to live, because there was nothing to live for. I finally didn't knew what to do. Fade away?

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