Its been days since the tournament, yet I feel so guilty.
The joke between Nathan and I had been going on for too long. Trevor actually thinks im older. Does Sterling know? Probably. I just don't know if I really want to tell him.. cause first of all it was really fun cause I can even pass for a sophomore. Yet, he needs to know. We've been texting for about a week or so.. I really should tell him, in fact, I will.
I just called Nathan to talk to him and tell him what I'm going to do.
"good luck!" he says hysterically
"I'm going to need it, literally!"
My palms sweaty, I decided to text
ME : Hey, I need to you tell something important.."
As I start to procrastinate, I press send and throw my IPod
I got a fast reply
"I'm not really a freshman.. I'm only 13 and I'm a 7th grader."
"..are you serious?"
"yes, im very serious."
"well. You know what, age doesn't matter. It just matters about the feelings."
As soon as I read that I had to at least blink twice.
* * * OCTOBER * * *
Its been a long time since I've talked to Trevor, I guess it just wont work out for him and I. My birthday finally came, I had tons of fun! I'm finally 13! (I just told people I was 13 since my birthday was only a month away) I'm super excited though, because the next drama tournament is next week! I'm super stoked! As for now I'm just focusing on Volleyball and school.
Well.. so far I've been good I suppose. Only one issue is that Hannah still is on my ass and hopelessly in love with me.. aahh why! Mr. Solveria is still on my ass too, just because I keep making smart ass remarks in class. As for now I'm just messing around with Hunter, and I've been chilling with this stoner kid named Derek.. he's actually pretty fucking funny! Its the least I can do since this is my senior year..
*One week later*
As I was preparing to help my friend MiLan with her script for drama, I was chit chatting with a couple people before I go outside. I go outside to see Harmony walking towards my way. Its been about a month since I've seen her. She waves and says a warm hey and hugs me
Wow, can't believe she actually remembers me, takes a while for people to remember me.
I asked her about how everything was going and apparently she had a birthday as well as me, my birthday is coming up and im turning the big 18! Then we just joked for a little on how she looks 24 when I know she really is 13, I really wish she wasn't to be honest, she seems way to damn mature to be 13.
As she had to go, she decided to take a walk to talk to MiLan for a little bit while I decided to go deal with other stuff.. I really wish I had more time to talk to her...
As I was walking to go get papers to sign up for the next Drama tournament next week, I see Sterling walking out of the building, I decide to have small talk and give him a hug. After laughing for a little bit, I decide to go in and talk to Mr.Solveria for a little, and have a little fun talk. He's like a dad to me, he's the best. After we were done I walked out because my Volleyball was about to start. MiLan decides to tag along halfway there to talk to me, and after she left, I had the biggest smile on my face. Why do I? I have no clue.. but its a good feeling.
* * *
Waking up in the morning is such a drag. I get ready as usual, I'm going more elegant than last time. Pencil skirt, cute shirt, blazer, and flats. The whole drama team was going. As we got on the bus to go, I decided to sit next to Nathan. As we were messing around as usual, I noticed that Sterling isn't here. Ah, oh well. Then all of a sudden, Chandlor comes on the bus. He looks sharp in his suit and his glasses, he really is handsome, I need to stop thinking, he's 17, I should stop. Talking and laughing through the bus ride, we finally arrive at the place, this time its taking place at a college 20 minutes away from my town. Its such a beautiful place. I was preparing and getting ready to go and make this day worth it !
* * *
As Round 1 was over, I was walking to the cafeteria with this guy I meant at my round, his name is Armit. He's super sweet! We spilt up after we talked and I arrived at the table to see a couple of people, and Chandlor just looks at me. I have no idea why but he just looks at me, blank look. I just turn around to see Nathan and we got Starbucks and hanged out until we need to our next round. I'm doing one individual script and then im doing another one, a duo with Hailey, so I'm pretty busy. As I said goodbye to Nathan, I wait for Hailey to be done with her round so her and I can practice just for a little before our round starts. We finally had confidence and started walking, and as we were I notice Chandlor and a couple of other guys going, as they were I just looked him, I so remember that look, and he saw me and I tuned away and decided to continue Hailey and I's conversation which I wasn't really paying attention too.
It was almost the end of the end of the day, and its very dark, and last round of Hailey and I's script. As we finished I was going to the cafeteria and to go get some food as I found a place and was waiting in line, Chandlor came and I got very nervous. I just walked away, I'm to tired to have small talk with him.
As we were leaving, it showed who broke (who got an amazing score and would be going tomorrow to try to place) I looked at the results and I didn't break, I immediately walked away crying, I cant do it. As I was I hear background voices of Nathan, Cynthia, and a couple of other people. They were trying to talk to me about how good I was and how you don't break your first time. Then Mr.Solveria tagged in and helped me out and was talking to me about that and how proud of me he is. An unexpected twist, as I walking, Chandlor came. He stared at me through my skin and knew I was upset. He said "keep your head up, some show pride for participation while winners walk in shame." and he looked away and kept looking. As he was walking away I just stared at him. That was extremely mysterious and unexpecting, yet that was kind of hot.
* * *
As the month keeps passing me by, and another drama tournament happened and I did a duo with Nathan and we totally kicked ass! Life is going great. Well, this weekend Im doing nothing, its in the middle of November so why the fuck not, just be lazy and be on Facebook all day? As I was browsing the internet, I decided to add the whole drama team , just in case I need help. As I starting adding people, I actually found Sterling's Facebook. I decide to send him a request just because!
Well, since I got suspended from school because of a misunderstanding, I'll be doing online work for a while instead of going to school. Oh well, don't matter to me! More time to be lazy! As I go on Facebook to see what's up, I get a new friend request, a and its from Harmony! I blinked twice and accepted it. I decide to look at her post and like a couple of them and she likes a couple of mine. Then bam, she pops up a message! We started talking..
Sterling nor Harmony to expect to talk for as long as they did. They talked for the whole day and even until 1 in the morning. As soon as they woke up they talked to each other and they discovered they had much in common, in fact, it seemed like they were the same person. Sterling decide to try flirting with her, but she didn't notice one bit, they were having way to much fun. Smiling at each others messages and then it escalated quickly and it lead to Sterling asking if Harmony likes him.
Sterling asks me if I like him, I stare at that message for a long time. I kind of do, actually. He has a great personality, we have a lot of fun, he is kind of cute, he is all around pretty great. What will he think? He wouldn't like me, he'll think it's cute and laugh. I use to think of him as a brother, but now that it is 101, I discover and I'm starting to develop feelings, is this right though?
Is this how I really feel?