2. Black box
It seems the only way I can let go of the emotions I'm feeling is to sing. so I started writing a song. It's not good but it makes me feel better and less lonely. after a while though it seems tedious, like it will never end or never start being good. It's just mindless dribble really. One day I'll make it, I'll make it into the big time and I'll leave this stupid house and these stupid people who treat me like I'm nothing. If only dreams actually came true for people like me...but I'm just the type of person that lets people walk over me to get where they're suppose to be. like a human bridge I guess, helping people get to where they need to go but always being stuck in the one place never moving, never achieving anything other than the status of being 'helpful'. Like I'm nailed to my shoes and these shoes only walk on the path of loneliness, self destruction and pain...
"Ahh I'm never going to get this! Why can't I rhyme!?" I sigh putting my head down on my note book. "My life sucks I wish I were a duck?! what was I thinking?!"
Instead of being frustrated with myself I decide to finally pull out the box of photos that is hidden away in my wardrobe, so far back that I actually have to crawl in to get to it. "There's a little black box hidden somewhere in the ocean hiding all the truth about us..." I start singing and laugh a little when I reach the not so little black box. As soon as I open it up my breath gets stuck in throat.
Right on the top of the pile is a picture of my parents and I at the beach a few weeks before they died. Of course that photo had to be on top though, the universe must get some messed up pleasure from causing me pain. But I suck it up and walk over to my desk and pull out some blu tack sticking the photo next to my window. Soon the free space that was next to my window is completely filled up with pictures ranging from my first birthday to every family holiday we had ever had.
Pictures of Sav and me on Halloween and random pictures of us messing around made me smile while the rest just made me think about what life would be like if my parents were still here. 'What would you do if your son was at home cryin' all alone on the bedroom floor coz he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money' my phone rings and I hurry around my room trying to find it. Of course it ends up being under my pillow. "hello?" I answer a little out of breath. "hey chica how's life going" It's Sav, like always, I don't even know why I bother with saying hello as a question anymore. "uhh okay I guess, just finished putting up photos on my wall. what about you?" I hear her furiously typing on her computer even over the phone. "blogging" was her simple reply. "hey chica when do you start ya new school?" Oh damn thanks for reminding me Sav! "Oh crap I forgot about that! damn it. umm day after tomorrow..." I say with a long sigh and Sav just giggles on the other end of the line. "you have to go to school sweetie. just think, it's your last year! after this you can do whatever you want! you can come home!" she sounds so happy. I miss her so much! Sav is my only friend in the world and being in a different country to her for such a long time and so soon after my parents death, life gets a little depressing now and then...
"TAYLA GET YOU DAMN BUTT DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!" I hear Dane scream at the top of his lungs. "sorry biatch but I have to go Danes callingand I don't really want to get him peed off at me" without waiting for a reply I hang up and trudge down stairs. "Yes Dane?" I ask in the most pleasant voice I can muster. "scratch my back would ya, I can't reach" I cringe and gag. he starts struggling to reach the itchy part of his back. you know how there's just that one spot that you just can't reach? well he wanted me to scratch it for him... "no thanks Dane..." I cautiously back away and bolt upstairs to my room. "just for that you ungrateful child your grounded!" They way he said it made me think that it was suppose to be a punishment. not coming out of my room, not being bugged by them and getting my food delivered like I could actually complain about that!
Before I knew it it was 11pm. I was absorbed in this book and I didn't want to put it down but I decided that it would be best.
The next day flied and I have a feeling I know why. school. that dreaded word that most teenagers hate. it had my stomach tied in knots and i was feeling anxious. I dreaded the moment I had to close my eyes because I knew that as soon as I did I would wake up and have to start all over again. for the second time...
Sorry that was a pretty crappy chapter! But anyway