I couldn't sleep to save my life. I kept getting this crawly feeling all over me, and sometimes I would cough so hard weird white stuff came out of my throat. I would cough constantly, making me ache and feel like I was going to explode. I wheezed; it wasn't hard to breathe, it just felt like a job to do at all times.
In short, lung cancer sucks.
They had shrunken my tumor to only about two and a half inches, which was good. I was getting closer to stage two. Once it was smaller than two inches, which they predicted would be about two to three weeks, they would surgically remove it.
Then I could have my life back.
They discovered that I also had anxiety and insomnia, and slight schizophrenia.
I was constantly scared out of my mind. I thought that someone would come take my oxygen away and I would choke on nothing, while people stared and laughed. I also haven't slept for more than three hours a night since I was in a coma, and sometimes I was a bit delusional and had hallucinations.
Luckily I wasn't exactly depressed; just sad a lot. They predicted I would be in the hospital for another month, then they would remove the tumor and I could go home and recover. They also said that I would have my oxygen tank off by The middle of March, if everything went according to plan.
Doctor Wilson said I was a miracle; most cancer patients didn't respond as amazing to the medications as I did. I didn't have to go through chemotherapy, so I still had my hair.
"Maggie?" Said Mat as he walked through the door. I hadn't seen him since two days ago, when Anna was screaming.
"Mat!" I said, and started coughing. He walked over and I stopped after a minute or two. "What happened with Anna? " I asked.
"She... Honestly Mag I don't even know. She's terrible. I know she's okay though, she'll forget about me and live happily ever after. I kno-"
"MAGGIE!" A booming voice said happily. No, it couldn't be...
"Jace?!" I said, unbelieving. Jace was my absolute best friend in elementary school, before Anna. We knew everything about each other. I hadn't thought about him since the school year began.
"Maggie! Oh my god!" He said as he practically shoved Mat out of the way to hug me. He was so much different from when I last saw him. He had glasses and his freckles were much more prominent on his tan skin. He was big and buff, a football player.
I smiled. "It's so good to see you Jace. " I said.
"You too. And who's this?" He asked, referring to Mat.
"Oh, that's my friend, Mat. Mat, meet Jace. " I said. They shook hands.
"Nice to meet ya. " Jace said as Mat shook his head.
"Yeah. Well I guess Maggie here has a lot to tell you. I've got to go, anyways. Bye, Maggie. " said Mat as he strolled out the door. He didn't like meeting new people apparently.
"Well what's up little girl? I see you hooked up to all these machines and I've got no idea what's happenin' here. So tell me, what's this year held for you?" He asked.
I told him pretty much everything.
I was okay. I listened to my therapist, took all the antidepressant pills, and listened to the song on repeat at all hours of the day.
I was okay.
"Sweetheart?" Someone asked as he strode through the door. There was only one person who called me sweetheart.
"Ryder?" I asked. I honestly didn't know how I felt about him. I guess neutral?
He sat down beside me and took my hand. "Sweetheart all those things I said about raping Maggie were true. Not a joke. I wasn't in control of myself, and I didn't know either of you were in the hospital until now. I'm so sorry." He said as he collapsed in tears, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. He looked at my arm and saw the markings. Shit.
"What the hell are those?" He said, fear in his voice. "Anna,"
"Ryder I have depression. I'm okay now, though." He literally fell on the floor in tears. And I thought it was bad when I saw my mother cry. "Babe stop. Please, I swear to god stop. " he was quiet now, just rocking back and forth.
"Why?" He whispered. "Was it because I wasn't there for you? Was it because your dad? Or the baby?" He said as he stood up, then saw my eyes.
"It's not about you, it's about-"
"Mathew. " he finished. I nodded.
"Of course. I haven't seen him since the party, I think. I don't even know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. " he muttered.
I knew I should be mad, but the antidepressants were too strong. " I'm not mad. I'm not mad that you were out of control. I'm not mad that you raped her. I'm not mad, just... Disappointed. " I decided. He nodded.
"Okay. Just please, please forgive me. Don't give up on me yet. Give me another chance..." He pleaded.
"Okay." I said.
"Okay. I'll go. Goodbye sweetheart, love you. " he said as he walked out and slammed the door.
"Love you too. " I whispered.
~two weeks later~
I was getting out. They said I was okay to get out of the hospital and go home.
As soon as I walked out, my mom, brother, and stepsister embraced me in a hug. I laughed. It was actually good to see them again.
"We have a welcome home party for you!" My little brother cried.
"Oh my god! It was supposed to be a secret!" Terra screamed at him.
"Oops. Oh well. C'mon sis!" He said. I rolled my eyes and mouthed 'thank you' at my mom and stepdad as my little brother took my hand and we raced to the car. I let him win.
"So did they give you free jello? What was it like? Did they put needles in your arm?" He asked once we got in the car.
"Um yes they gave me free jello, duh. It was boring. Nothing to do really. Yes, they put some needles in my arm, but it didn't hurt much. " I said.
He smiled and nodded and asked me random questions until I got home, where I immediately went to sleep and had no night terrors.
"So she's home? She's okay? Please tell me everything!" I pleaded doctor Wilson.
"I'm not supposed to, but if you keep it a secret I will. " he whispered. I nodded.
"Well when she was screaming the other night, she was having an anxiety attack because she realized we had locked her door. Mat came in and watched and said something, I couldn't tell what, to her. Then she started having a night terror and he left. So two days later she... She asked for some shaving equipment and cut herself. The therapist have her a radio and stuff, and ever since then she's been okay. Her family was very excited to see her, and she looked... Happy. I love to see depression patients recover. " said Doctor Wilson.
"Wow. But she's okay?" I asked. "Anna's okay?"
"Yes she is Maggie." He said as I started coughing. I saw someone at the door, and I screamed a little. "Shh it's just a hallucination. It's okay. " he said calmly as I started shaking. Someone is looking at me. Someone is spying on me. Someone is in the doorway!
"Calm down. Maggie blink, it's not real. " he said. I blinked, because I trusted him. The figure went away and I lie back down.
"Sorry. I can't h-help it. I really really can't. " I said. My speech was messed up by the schizophrenia slightly. I had slight stuttering and such.
"It's okay sweetie. You're okay here. I'll call Anna and see if she can come and see you. "
"Thank you. "
"By the way, your tumor has shrunken to two and one eighth of an inch. In a week or two you'll have surgery." He said as he exited the room.
I smiled. Good. 'No, bad. Surgery means hurting, plus you still have to carry around a stupid oxygen tank for months.' Said my internal voice. We often disagreed. Whatever.
I laid in bed and stayed there, awake and staring at nothing.
I was going to be okay.