Could it be . (Book two of welcome to my life )

Book two of welcome to my life Anna . After her car accident she meets a total bad girl which inspires her to turn bad but because of this will she lose everything ? What about her and her best friend, Maggie? And what exactly happened to Mathew?

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16. chapter 16: depression

-Anna's pov-

Depression is like falling off a cliff.

Some people go farther down, near death, than others. If you give up and fall, you die. It might seem hopeless, until your finger scrape the edge of the cliff with that extra pull. It's all so sudden, one second you're okay and the next second you're close to death. You just had to be brave and strong enough to climb back up.

This theory is all I had left to cling to sanity. I decided that I wanted to get out of the room, so I walked over to the door. I pulled out the needles in my arm and grabbed the handle, but it wouldn't move. I couldn't get out. "HELP! I CAN'T GET OUT! HELP! OH MY FUCKING GOD HELP ME! " I screamed as I clawed at my own arms, causing scratches. I heard someone on the other end, but I had crumpled into tears, clawing at my own face. "I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO FUCKING DIE!" I screamed.

Suddenly, a bunch of doctors were in my room, trying to strap me down.

"NO! STOP! I WANT TO DIE! STOP! I WANNA DIE!!!" I screamed. "FUCK YOU! STOP IT YOU FUCKING BITCHES! LET ME DIE!"

They out something in my arm, and I was drowned in darkness, still screaming to die.

~~~

-Mathew's pov-

I heard screaming.

I couldn't tell what she was saying, but I knew it was Anna. I had been talking to Maggie, until the screaming started.

"I've gotta go." I said.

"Don't let her see you!" Maggie said as I hustled out the door.

Doctors were everywhere, trying to get her to shut up. I rushed in, but she was surrounded. I stayed silent as they put her to sleep, but she kept trying to scream. They hoisted her in the bed and about half of them left.

"Get out." I demanded. They gave me a funny look, and all of them left, leaving us alone. I pulled up a chair and sat down next to her.

"Anna Bell, I know you're asleep but you need to understand the only reason i left was to help you. You don't need me anymore trust me you're okay . Soon you won't even remember me . I promise... babe " i hesitate on the last word . It simply seemed right . I push a some of her hair out of her face and suddenly i wish i didn't her face had scratches and there was drops of blood coming from her face . i cover my mouth and let a tear fall .

"Anna ... why ... oh my gosh " i say aloud than she starts shaking and screaming .

"HELP somebody ! " I scream it was frightening.

The nurse that had lad me to Maggie earlier ran in.

"She's having night terrors. Poor thing. It'll pass. " she said as she patted her hand reassuringly. She was shaking violently and tears were streaming down her face and she was whimpering.

"I... I can't..." I said as I ran out of the room, crying.

-Two days later. Anna's pov-

It's been two days. My night terrors are only getting worse. I'm numb. Mathew hasn't visited either. My life was hell. My therapist was visiting hourly every day, like now.

 I had been drowning out what my therapist was saying for the past hour or so. I wasn't sure. Time was different for insane people. I suddenly remembered every vivid detail of the night terror I had last night, and had to bite my tongue to force the scream back.

I needed to cancel out the pain.

"I need to go to the bathroom and take a shower. Do we have any shaving equipment?" I asked suddenly. He nodded and came back with a razor and some shaving cream. Perfect.

I walked into the bathroom and stripped. I was a mess. Everyone hates me. I'm fat. Stupid. Worthless slut.

I broke open the razor and the blades came out.

You can guess what happened next.

---

Forty six. Forty six marks on my skin. I was bawling when I came out, and the therapist knew.

"Get a doctor!" He called. Two doctors strapped me down and stuck a needle inside my skin and put me to sleep.

All I felt was numbness.

---

I woke up and sat up in the hospital bed. I was used to all the whiteness of the place, and the uncomfortable beds. A needle was in my arm, and my wrist was covered in big, red marks. I breathed.

"Why'd you do it?" Someone asked. I gasped. It was my therapist. I didn't realize he was in there.

"You know how when two forces of the same amount collide and it cancels out everything?" I asked. I usually didn't say anything to him. He nodded, knowing what I meant. You could cancel out pain with pain.

"Anna Bell, you know music is therapeutic. And I don't think I'm doing anything to help you right now. I have some pencils and a sketch pad here, and I've got a CD of songs that I think you'll enjoy. I'll go now. " he said. I felt sorta bad for him, but I did need to be left alone.

"Thanks. " I said. He smiled sadly.

"You're welcome Anna." He exited the room.

I pressed play on the small, portable radio. I expected church music, but instead Emergency by Paramore boomed through the radio. I smiled.

Most people thought that screamo music encouraged suicide, but it was actually the opposite. It tells you that they think that you're gorgeous. That wrists are for bracelets, not cutting. That people love you and that you are never, ever alone. To wipe your eyes and face the day because you're a badass motherfucker and no one can stop you.

I listened through the entire track, until I got to the last one. I'd recognized them all except for this one. I listened close to the lyrics.

 

 

Now I know

That I can't make you stay

But where's your heart?

But where's your heart?

But where's your...

 

And I know

There's nothing I can say

To change that part

To change that part

To change...

 

So many

Bright lights, they cast a shadow

But can I speak?

Well is it hard understanding

I'm incomplete

A life that's so demanding

I get so weak

A love that's so demanding

I can't speak

 

I am not afraid to keep on living

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven

Nothing you can say can stop me going home

 

Can you see

My eyes are shining bright

'Cause I'm out here

On the other side

Of a jet black hotel mirror

And I'm so weak

Is it hard understanding

I'm incomplete

A love that's so demanding

I get weak

 

I am not afraid to keep on living

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven

Nothing you can say can stop me going home

 

I am not afraid to keep on living

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven

Nothing you can say can stop me going home

 

These bright lights have always blinded me

These bright lights have always blinded me

I say

 

I see you lying next to me

With words I thought I'd never speak

Awake and unafraid

Asleep or dead

 

(How can I see, I see you lying) 'Cause I see you lying next to me

(How can I see, I see you lying) With words I thought I'd never speak

(How can I see, I see you lying) Awake and unafraid

(How can I see, I see you lying) Asleep or dead

 

'Cause I see you lying next to me

With words I thought I'd never speak

Awake and unafraid

Asleep or dead

 

'Cause I see you lying next to me

With words I thought I'd never speak

Awake and unafraid

Asleep or dead

 

I am not afraid to keep on living

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

(Or dead)

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven

Nothing you can say can stop me going home

(Or dead)

I am not afraid to keep on living

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

(Or dead)

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven

Nothing you can say can stop me going home

(Or dead)

I am not afraid to keep on living

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

(Or dead)

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven

Nothing you can say can stop me going home

(By My Chemical Romance)

 

I was bawling at the end. Crying out, realizing that it was all true. I was not alone. I had to be awake and unafraid. I was not afraid to keep on living or walk this world alone. I was crying because I was happy for once. I'd found something that described me so perfectly, I couldn't handle it.

It was as if I had found the edge of the cliff. My fingers scraped over the sides and I was up. I was okay. I'd need recovery, but I'd live.

I am not afraid to keep on living.

I am not afraid to walk this world alone.

Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven.

Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

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