When I woke up this morning I was dripped with sweat.
A nightmare. And that even without monsters.
How anyways? In my life there hadn‘t been monsters.
What other people had put down as ‘monsters‘, had been totally normal to me.
At the very top of the general monster-list of ordinary, utterly normal people were probably wolves with a shoulder height of over five feet.
Nothing special. For me, at least.
I was still a bit groggy when I stepped into the shower. It was good to feel the warm water running down my white skin. I thought of the dream of the previous night again.
As it was with almost every dream I just remembered it fragmentally. I could remember many faces. Loads of people who were staring at me. Many were pointing fingers at me. Some were looking at me suspiciously and the others were laughing at me.
When my family told me some time ago that I would have to go to school shortly I wasn't bothered by it. There was still time until then. A clear case of repression.
But now I was on the very point of doing it and in a few hours I would face my nightly reveries in the reality.
Until now I hadn't really much to do with humans.
Of course I hadn't been able to go to any kindergarten or school when I was younger.
The reason for it was simple - I would have attracted too much attention. But now I was old enough.
Well, old enough in the spiritual sense.
In human years I was merely seven years old.
But I looked like seventeen. And I will probably never look older than seventeen. This suspicious has my family at least. Will it prove true? We will see.
Still a bit woozy I ran the stairs down into the kitchen. As always Emmett sat in front of the TV. He didn't deign to look at me. Well, the TV was more interesting of course.
I tore open the fridge. Butter, cake, steaks, eggs, coke, something that had distant similarities of a pig (or a piece of it).
Christ, what do have such a full fridge for and this with just two people living here, who were actually eating something of it. Finally I found my bottle. It just figures that he had thrown into the furthest corner. I rolled my eyes enervated, removed the cap and took a big gulp. Gorgeous. 0 negative, the best which my taste buds would ever get to taste.
"You should better apportion your bottle."
I turned around surprised. Rose was leaning against the kitchen unit just next to the dishwasher.
"Do you always have to appear out of thin air, Rose?"
She smiled at me as she suddenly stood beside me and closed the fridge.
"I'm serious Nessie. You know exactly that you have just one bottle per week."
Still enervated I started to close the bottle now.
"Yeah, unfortunately. And then it is always so difficult to find between all this garbage in there."
"Don't resent Fido for this. He doesn't like it when you're drinking blood. He'd rather see you slinging down a plate of pasta - or ten - with him."
"Fido," I imitated her, "Can't you just leave this stupid pet name out?"
Apparently she believed it would be better not respond and simply continued looking at me.
”If you think so, Rose. Where is he anyways?“
”Okay,“ I answered, put the bottle into the fridge again and plodded into the living room where meanwhile Esme had joined Emmett. However she wasn‘t as attired in the program as Emmett and got up instantly when she saw me.
”Good morning, Renesmee“ her finely tuned, always gentle voice rang out. ”I hope you‘re well rested. Today is your great day.“
”Yeah, very great.“
”Oh, come on,“ she tried to cheer me up while she plucked at my shirt, because she believed it didn‘t fit right. ”You‘ll see it will be great and you‘ll meet new people. After all that‘s something, isn‘t it?“
This time it was me who remained silent.
Barely half an hour later I stood fully equipped down in the entry hall of our mansion. Esme, Rose, Emmett (yes, he had been able to break away from his plasma TV), Alice, Jasper and my Mom were there as well.
Carlisle was at work, my Dad already at school and with the third missing person nobody knew where he was.
”Come on, you can do this,“ said Alice with a gentle smile on her lips.
I knew this wasn‘t such a sure answer as she usually was able to give. All the other answers were mostly correct, but everything that affected me or Jacob was shrouded with uncertainty for her and so her answers were exactly the same ones like the rest of them gave me.
An assumption and just to bolster me up and take away my fears.
Apparently that was written all over my face.
”Oh, honey. When I had my first day of school at that time in Forks, I haven‘t felt comfortable as well,“ my mother told me with her chiming voice. ”But after all I have met your father this day and because of that this one of the most important days of my life, aside from your birth.“
I tried to smile back weakly and somehow it even worked.
”Thanks Mom. I‘ll do my best“
I crossed my finger symbolically to myself and stepped outside.
As Alice had foreseen for Carlisle and Dad before, the sun wasn‘t shining.
And though it apparently tried to come out, it was always balked by a curtain of clouds at the sky.
With a funny feeling in my stomach area, I walked to my car. It was even whiter than my skin or the snow which was still lying at some spots on the ground. It was at the end of january and the icy cold had to make way for the spring.
It was no problem at all for me to find the school.
On the contrary: I wished my sense of direction would have failed so miserably just this one time, that I wouldn't even have to lie to my family if I told them that I didn't find the building.
Even when I already saw the sign and turned around the corner onto the parking lot, I urgently hoped that the school had vanished. Blown up. Spirited away? Knocked down by mistake instead of the real dilapidated building on the other end of the railroad track?
No. The building stood there. As steady as a rock. Unfortunately.
With a bitter sigh I took my bag from the passenger seat, opened the door and stepped up to the entrance.
I let my gaze wander around the grounds. Actually it didn't look so bad. Who knows, hadn't there been the nightmares, maybe I would have been happy to be here, at a school which didn't seem to radiate anything bad.
With a light pressure on the button of the car key, I locked the central locking of my car and entered the hell.
I felt as my heart, which was anyway beating faster than a human heart did, beating faster and faster as I followed the secretary, who had welcomed me at the administrative office, to the class room.
As far as I had understood her, the class was just having a lesson with a certain Mr. Austin. Ironically, they were just having Biology, which made me smile somehow after all, even if it was just a slight one - which evaporated immediately as I finally stood in front of the class.
I had counted fifteen. Fifteen young pairs of eyes, which were directed to me at this moment. Up to now it had only be possible for someone to really look at me while I was shopping with Alice, Rosalie, Esme or my mother. Apart from that I had always lived in secret. Well, our family was big, but nothing compared to the public. At least nothing compared to this public. This kind of public where I was in the focus of attention. Me, the new one.
It was the teacher who interrupted my thoughts in the end.
“Miss Cullen, don't you want to introduce yourself?“
No, I want to leave if you don't mind.
All of a sudden the look on the fifteen faces in front of me had changed. I had the impression that my voice somehow influenced them. Did they consider it so beautiful, that they just had to continue to look like this? Or did they thought it didn't fit my appearance?
I doubted it. I had never been really “arrogant“, but I was perfectly aware that I looked beautiful and attractive in the eyes of humans.
At least the vampire inside of me knew that. The human part of me on the other hand was shy and destroyed the self-confidence of my vampire part.
“I'm Renesmee Carlie Cullen. I am seventeen years old. My family has already lived here for a little while longer, so maybe some of you know them. We live pretty much on the outskirt of the village. But I have only moved in with them a short while ago, I lived in Forks before.“
I had already inwardly heaved a sigh of relief because I assumed that the worst part had been over now. Lying was not one of my strong points and I did't like doing it at all, which is why I had no practice in doing it and I had to pray that I didn't do a bad job.
But then a hand shot up. A young blonde girl from one of the rows at the back piped up.
“So you're related to Edward Cullen?“
Certainly I was prepared for her question, after all nobody would miss the similar hair color in connection with our pale skin and the family name, but still it was one of the lies I feared the most.
“He's… my brother… yes.“
Nevertheless I brought myself to say it. It couldn't be helped.
The girl just nodded shortly and sat down again.
“Does somebody has another question?“, Mr. Austin called through the room.
This question was actually trivial. I could see it in their eyes that they had dozen of questions they were dying to ask, nevertheless I knew that nobody would voice them.
Mr. Austin indicated with a gesture that I could take a seat.
Much to my regret there was only a seat available next to the blonde girl.
Reluctantly I sat down next to her, nodded at her and started to follow the teacher at the blackboard at the front.
Again I wished that I had inherited the gift of my father.
I would have very much liked to know what the people in this room were thinking. Above all the thoughts of the girl who sat next to me seemed to be interesting. She was following everything except the lesson and especially me. I made every effort to behave as normal as possible so that she would eventually loose interest in me, but this wasn't the case.
As it finally rang I quickly grabbed my belongings and walked in a human, quick pace out of the room. Unfortunately so human that it did't take any effort on Miss to catch up with me.
“Hey, Ren,“ her voice rang out next to me, while she was trying to keep pace with me.
“If you want I can show you around the school. The schoolyard, the gym, the swimming pool, the cafeteria. How about it?“
I came to an abrupt halt and so she did the same. She seemed to be a bit out of breath as she was standing there in front of me. I remained like that for a moment.
“It's all right with me, if it's no trouble for you… eh…“
A blissful smile spread over her face immediately. “My name is Hannah.“
Beaming she stretched out her hand. I knew that it wasn't good at all to touch her but it seemed to be the wrong reaction to me not to accept her hand and so I had to bite the bullet.
She let go after we shook our hands briefly. “Goodness, you're warm!“, she mentioned shortly. I did just smile at her a bit embarrassed.
Fortunately she didn't expect an answer because she continued walking strait away and told me to follow her.