Chapter One - Head and Not Heart
I studied her from across the classroom - auburn tinged dark brown hair, big bright eyes, slender legs, small cute little feet and that giggle. That wonderful, amazingly sweet giggle which made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Fuck. She was gorgeous.
She was different from the other girls. I know that sounds cliché but it's true, she was herself. That's why people pick on her, I've seen them do it, hell even my friends do it. What has she done? Nothing. She'd done nothing to any of them, nothing. She's innocent.
People don't see that though. I don't get it, why her? Okay she is a little geeky I admit, and dresses like she's younger which doesn't exactly do her any favors being the height she is. But she's cute that way and I like that she's a clever and she may be shy but at least she is herself.
I guess she doesn't get it as bad as she could. I am over exaggerating things a little I suppose but still the little shove they might give her or the occasional bad name still makes me mad at them. They don't do it everyday, they mostly ignore her, which is easy for them because she's so shy and keeps to herself but i still find myself wishing every one would see her like I do. A beautiful, intelligent, cute girl with a kind heart and an adorable giggle.
"Hey babe," interrupted a sickly sweet voice and soon my view of her was blocked.
I looked up into the heavily make up covered face in front of me and fake smiled. "Hi, Tinsley."
She giggled girlishly flipping her dyed blonde and pink streaked hair over her shoulder and shoving out her chest. I tried not to show my disgust but it was kind of hard. Her laugh was repulsive and totally fake. She was fake. Fake, fake, fake. Why did I even bother?
Because I had popular friends meaning I was high up socially to, I answered to myself. I really wished I wasn't friends with the people who choose me as their friends. They all made me sick of today's younger generation and society. I wanted to be around people more like Lena. More to the point I wanted to be with Lena, especially right now when I look at Tinsley trying to flirt with me.
"Why you sitting on your own?" she cooded like I was a big baby. "Why don't you come sit with me and the girls?"
I looked at her really wanting to yell "why the hell would I want to come sit with a load of fake, horrible girls who have no respect for themselves or anyone else, who just play around like life is all a worthless game?" But obviously I didn't say that, but smiled and replied, "thanks but I'm fine here."
"Aww okay," she whined pouting her red lipstick covered lips and flicking her hair again.
I looked back down at the work I was actually supposed to be doing in this study lesson but totally was not interested in. I was more preoccupied by someone over the other side of the room giggling at something she'd read from the book in her lap.
I realised I was daydreaming, snapping out of it to see Tinsley coming closer saying, "I'll stay here then."
Even though there was a free seat on my right, she aimed for the seat between the wall and me. She giggled as she faced me as I pushed back in my chair, still managing to shove her sizable chest in my face, actually physically brushing her legs with mine. She made me feel sick, her disgusting strawberry perfume gushing up my nose.
I coughed, straightening out my chair again. She sat down in the seat, pretending to be sorting out her shirt but actually unbuttoning her tight fitting blouse some more to show more of her cleavage. When she was doing this I slipped an inch or so away from her unnoticed. God I wanted to tell her to piss off so badly! I wanted to yell at her, run over to the other side of the room, kiss Lena and confess how much I loved her. Of course I wouldn't do that and of course I didn't. I just smiled through gritted teeth and kept my cool as best I could.
That's the problem with me. I won't do things I know are right. I just sit, let things happen, watching the world go on around me. I do nothing and I don't risk things for my popularity. I hate myself for it, I don't want it to be like that. But it is and I let it be that way. I put popularity over being happy and following my feelings and heart. I really wished I didn't.
"You coming to The Crush tonight?" asked Tinsley as she pushed her leg against mine.
I shook my head. I hated clubs so much and plus I had a mound of homework to do. I would usually go to the club with my so called mates but I was starting to fail a lot of my classes and I'd prefer not to get drunk. I instead had decided work was more important.
Tinsley looked shocked and then pouted at me pathetically and questioned. "why not?"
"Stuff to do," I mumbled in reply.
"And what stuff is that?" She pouted some more, cocking an eyebrow.
"Just stuff." I didn't elaborate on that, shrugging dismissively at her and sitting a little straighter in my seat tactfully moving my leg away from hers in the process.
"Oh just stuff," she repeated my words like she knew what I meant, but she didn't. I looked round at her and she gave what she thought was a seductive wink. It was the total opposite of that, I just wanted to run away and never ever see her again. "I guess that's okay, I just thought we could go together." She heaved a fake big sigh. "Oh well, I'll just go by myself then."
She gave me a pathetic look, fluttering her eye lashes. I knew what she was doing now. She was trying to make me feel guilty but it wasn't going to work, I wasn't buying her act. She could give me the most hurt look in the world for all I cared, she's faking it all anyway.
I mocked an apologetic face trying not to show my actual feelings, and apologised to her, "sorry Tinsley."
She fake sighed again, rubbing her leg against mine again and saying, "maybe next time." She then got up dramatically, huffing and shoving her chest in my face as she brushed past me again.
"See you later."
Not if I can help it, I answered in my head, smiling on the outside at her before she flounced off back to her girly friends. I sighed looking back to Lena again.
I smiled for real now as I watched her pull an amused face as she read her book, some hair falling down in the way of her beautiful brown eyes. I wanted so much to go over there and push it back into place for her but I refrained from it. She instead did it herself, tucking it behind her cute ear, resting her elbow on her lap and flicking to the next page of her book.
I wondered what she was reading that she found so funny and made a mental note to try and find out somehow. I could ask her if I wanted to risk being seen talking to her and I don't care what they think, but still I don't get the courage to. I don't risk it. I wish I would though.
She giggled her giggle again. I suddenly can't take just looking at her, fidgeting in my seat and biting my lip. Shit, I wanted to kiss her. It was torturing watching her and hearing her sweet laugh of humour which was a complete turn on.
I grabbed my books shoving them in my bag, I was hardly going to do anything anyway, getting up and swinging it over my shoulder. I then took one last longing look at her smiling face, gripping the strap of my bag hard and walking out from the room.
When I'd started walking down the corridor I tried to push her temporaryily from my mind. It didn't work. The image of her was stuck in my mind and the sound of her laughter filled my head.
The bell rung overhead and I headed for the drama classroom to find Jay, who I called my best friend. When I got there he was strutting lazily from the room, a smirking grin on his face as usual and a girl clutching his arm. I rolled my eyes, everyday he was sure to have a new tag along girl, most of which were like Tinsley.
"What's up Jason my main man?" he called when he spotted me, striding over practically pulling the girl along with him.
"The ceiling, the sky," I joked back causing him to knukle rub my head and the girl to giggle.
I laughed slightly to, as we then continued on our way to get out of school. The tag along girl was admiring Jay looking like she was the luckiest girl in the world. I felt sorry for her, knowing only to well that he'd play around with her a bit then shake her off, dumping her probably all in this same day.
"So how was free period?" Jay asked pulling me back from my thoughts.
"Study period," I corrected him quickly.
Jay made a face replying, "same thing really."
I nodded. I guess it was, seen as I didn't get any studying done anyway.
"How was it then?" he continued on. "Drama was awesome, wasn't it Sydney?" He looked to the girl he was dragging along, who was quick to nod and smile.
I tried to show a look of interest thinking to myself the real truthful answer to his question, which was "the most beautiful girl in the whole entire world was distracting me with the most adorable giggle and I really wanted to kiss her so badly." Of course I didn't tell him that, I wouldn't even if he knew how badly I liked Lena. It was my own thoughts and private feelings.
Instead I told him, "I turned down Tinsley's offer to go clubbing with her."
He sniggered, clapping me on the back as he said, "oh Jason, you bastard. What have I told you? Never turn down a girl, especially hot ones like Tinsley."
Sydney looked a little annoyed at his comment but Jay didn't notice a thing. I was on the verge of telling him how disgusted Tinsley Bauber made me feel, but didn't, forcing my mouth to stay shut. He laughed again then asked, "you are coming clubbing with me and the lads though right?"
"Nope," I replied and he gave me a scandalous look.
"Why not?" he demanded to know.
"Homework," I explained simply.
He stared at me. "Since when did you care?"
"When I realised because of a sensible sweet girl life is not worthless and you have to work to get anything in life" is what I would've said but what I answered was partly a lie: "I'm failing my classes, mums banned me from going out tonight."
"Aww bad luck mate," Jay replied, giving me a slightly sympathetic look.
I shrugged. I didn't care but Jay wouldn't understand the full of my not caring about missing going clubbing. As we turned the corner Sydney spoke up saying, "my house is here, I better go." She gestured to the house on our left.
"Ah okay," Jay replied, his eyes twinkling mischievously, "I'll come with you, baby."
Sydney giggled, blushing and then they both turned off, going towards Sydney's front door.
"Bye then," I called rolling my eyes and thinking Jay you player.
"Bye," he muttered over his shoulder, before eagerly following Sydney into her house with a great big smirk on his face.
I rolled my eyes again. He had no respect for girls, I wondered why I even wanted him as my friend. I guess he wasn't so bad sometimes, and when i first met him I'd been a bit more like him. Now though all because of liking Lena i've changed my views, opinions and am generally a better person, on the inside, just not completely on the out quite yet.
I'd just have to wait, get my courage and finally maybe follow my heart and not my head.