I'm nearly miserable with nothing to do. I invite Carter over every now and then but all we do is play video games and after a while it gets boring. Sometimes Logan comes and entertains me because we're both pretty bored in this house. School starts next week and I already can't wait to graduate and leave somewhere on my own.
My mom seems sad these days and dad is almost never home. He tells us he's spending time with the boys but I think he needs to be here for mom more often.
It's afternoon and I just got done talking on the phone with Carter about hanging out tomorrow.
I go downstairs to check out what my mom is doing. She's doing the dishes but I hear her sniffling over the running water. I walk towards her and stand beside her. "What's wrong?"
She looks to the side, a bit startled to see me there and tries to wipe her tears but her wet hands don't help any. "Um," she bit her lip and quickly released it to answer, "I got a call from Harry this morning." Harry? "What did he say?" "Anna was um...she was in a crash last night and...um...she didn't make it" she cries.
I didn't know what to say or do. I know I should shed a tear or two but all I can do is feel for her. She lost a really good friend and potentially the love of Harry's life.
"Harry was so broken" she ranted, still sobbing through her words, "He didn't sound sad just...empty. He sounded so lifeless."
I know my mom felt for Harry. They were really close friends these days.
I grabbed a dry towel from beside me and took my moms hands out of the sink to dry them. "What are you doing?" she asked, tears streaking down her face. "I'll finish" I told her, offering her a small smile. She forced one back and went upstairs where I knew she could cry for as long as she wanted. Logan soon came downstairs as I was finishing the last plate and complained about being hungry. I dried my hands and made him a grilled cheese, something he shouldn't eat because of his new diet but let him eat anyway. Nothing's wrong with a little cheating.
I go to the living room and turn on the TV, trying to find entertainment in it. When the Avengers seem to be playing I instantly thought of Maddie. When her and I first saw it we had this big debate about how their team would work. It was a foolish argument but I'd rather have that right now than nothing.
Her and I were...friends. That's it. We were mutual about each other in a way. We talked occasionally now and seemed to have forced laughter. It wasn't like us and I didn't want it.
I rather not have her as a friend than pretend that were are. She never talks about her and Donnie so I don't even know if they're still dating. I never know what she's doing and she never knows for me either.
We just aren't that close anymore since that fight over her diary. I know I shouldn't have read it but now that I know the truth I feel different.
That night I think about this summer and how it stripped me of my best friend.I fall into a deep sleep up until a knock is heard on my door.
I know who it is...Logan. He's been having bad dreams since before I can even remember. I open the blankets for him and he climbs in next to me. He always knows to keep his distance from me but tonight he seems really scared and confused. I wrap an arm around and let him snuggle into my side. "Noah" he whimpers. "Yeah?"
I haven't heard that name in a long time. I don't remember much of her but the basics. I know she's my twin and she died when we were only a few months old. I know I used to have dreams of her when I was younger.
I sighed, "My twin." He looked at me in shock, "What? You have a twin?" "Not anymore. She died when we were babies." "Oh..." "Why do you ask?" "She keeps t-telling me things, talking to me."
"What does she say?"
"I try not to listen" he whispers. I stroked over his head. "I'm sure it'll go away now. Go to sleep."
"Okay, goodnight Mamie." "Night
My mom was expecting Harry to come over so they could talk. So when there was a knock on the door she was quick to answer it. She gave him a hug and welcomed him in. I smiled at him, hoping to coax one out of him. He gave a small one back and I was glad that he was doing better.
The red rim around his eyes showed me that he cried but at least he was showing some type of emotion. The last time I saw him, which was last week, he was flat about everything and it made me sad to see him that way. I guess I could try and get his mind off of of things even though it'd be hard. He lost someone really close to him...forever. He was gonna marry he and she died.
"I'm starting school next week" I told him. "High school right?" I nodded. "I hope you have fun" he lightly laughed, "I never finished so I don't know what to tell you." "Why didn't you finish?" "The band started when I was around your age, sixteen I think."
"Oh wow, you were young."
"Jamie why don't you go and get yourself something to eat. I have pasta on the stove."
I made myself a bowl of pasta and made Logan one too once he came downstairs. He ate really quick and went back upstairs to do whatever he was doing. Harry was literally in and out. Him and my mom talked some in the living room but by the time I ate my food and then grabbed a snack, he was already gone.
I sat in the living room and turned on some news channel because nothing else interesting was on. "You want something to drink?" my mom asked. "Sure, thanks."
She left for the kitchen and I turned up the TV.
A few pictures popped on the screen that made my eyes pop and see red.
"Where is former pop singer, Liam Payne, now?"
There was a picture of him and some chick holding hands as they walked along a beach. "We recently caught up with him and ,former actress, Lana Gusario in Australia." Another picture was shown of him and her kissing. FUCKING KISSING.
I tried turning off the TV before mom got back but the damn thing wasn't working.
"We were just wondering where Eden was. Are they split? What about their two children?"
I heard glass shatter so I turned to see my mom standing there with her mouth dropped open and water pooling at her feet with shards of glass mixed with it. She had tears pooling in her eyes.
I stood and turned off the TV manually.
“Twelve years” she whispered and fell to her knees, completely cutting them up with the glass.
I went to her and tried to help her up without damaging her skin even more.
“Come on mom.”
“We’ve been together for twelve years” she croaked.
I wanted to cry too, a lot. He’s such a dumb ass. How could he do this to us?
She broke, tears coming down faster than ever and her chest hacking in sobs.
“and he's cheating on me” she cried.
I stood her up and she shakily moved next to me as we went upstairs. I sat at the edge of her bed and got a wash cloth to wipe her cut knees and feet. She was silently crying, trying so hard to keep herself together.
“There” I said softly when I was done.
“Thank you, baby. Now get out because I’m going to cry.” I slowly nodded and stood up kissing her forehead. I love my mom so much and to see her like this kills me.
As soon as I closed the door sobs were heard. I squeezed my eyes shut as a tear fell. I was walking to my room when Logan came out of his, rubbing his eyes. “Why’s mom crying?” “Because dad’s an idiot.”
“Don’t talk about him like that” he scolded. “If you knew what I knew, you’d be agreeing.”
I turned into my room and shut the door.
I cried. I cried hard into my pillow for god knows how long. He ruined everything.
I didn’t know what time it was when I finally left my room but I know it was late. I went down stairs to see Logan picking up the shards of glass that mom left behind and had been there for hours. I grabbed a mop and cleaned up the water.
“Mom is scaring me” he whispers. “What?” “She’s in there” he said, nodding toward the kitchen. I went in there and saw her at the table with her head down and a bottle of alcohol at her side.
There was a paper and pen in front of her too. I shook her. “Mom.”
“I can’t sign it” she cried. “I can’t do it.”
I read through the paper and saw that they were divorce papers. When the hell did she leave?
“You went out like this?”
“No, I’m not an idiot. I left a little after I was done crying. I talked to some people and they told me to fill it out. I…I can’t do it.”
“So you’re just gonna drink?” I hissed at her.
“Don’t talk to me that way, Noah.”
“Mom, you’re better than this.”
“I was better than a lot of things before.” “You still are.” “I can’t even keep him happy enough to stay with me” she cried.
“He’s an idiot mom. It’s not your fault.”
“You know how old I was when I had you?”
I groaned, I don’t want to hear this but I guess she needs to vent so I sit beside her.
“Yeah, I was so scared.”
I bite at my bottom lip, she never tells me these things.
“Liam and I were best friends and we caused so much trouble together.”
I knew that. Abuelita always tells me even though I don’t want to hear it.
“And the first time we were, ya know, together it was out of curiosity.”
“Mom” I groaned.
“Sorry” she hollowly laughed. “Not even a month later he said he was leaving and I was gonna tell him that I was pregnant but he wouldn’t have followed his dream so I let him go.”
“I got bigger and bigger so fast and I was still a child so I just looked sick. My mom didn’t want me and dad tried to give me guidance, but what was he to do?”
I didn’t know she had such a rough time with it.
“When I found out I was having twins that just made a new layer of loneliness lay over me because Liam was all over TV with his little band and he didn’t even know. Once you guys were born I was so happy. And once I turned eighteen I left the house…with only you. My baby girl died” she cried.
“I worked so hard for the both of us. You always asked where your dad was and I didn’t know what to tell you.”
A tear fell down my cheek and I was quick to wipe it away with a sniffle.
My mom brought an arm around me and sloppily kissed my forehead. “You know I love you Noah.” “I love you too mom.” “Get in the shower and go to bed, it’s late and I need you to get out of the house tomorrow with your brother.”
“What? Why?” “Your dad’s coming home tomorrow and I don’t want you guys here when I tell him about this.”
“Okay” I croaked.
I got upstairs and got in the shower as told. That night I didn’t sleep in my room, instead I slept in Logan’s and told him where we’d go.
I hope Maddie wouldn’t mind us coming over for the night.
I made sure Logan had a bag packed and was ready to go. Sydney, Maddie's mom, was picking us up and taking us to her house.
"You gonna be okay mom?" I asked. She forced a smile and kissed both of our foreheads. "I will be. I don't know when but I will be."
"I love you mommy" Logan said, hugging her around the waist. "I'm not leaving forever and neither are you. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Love you Jamie." "You too."
We walked outside to see Sydney with a wide smile as we approached. I sat up front and Logan sat in the back on our way to Maddie's.
When we got there it was like a flashback. Of what you ask? I don't know.
Logan walked close to me as we approached. He's only been here a few times and when he does come here he always get's a bad vibe from Sydney's boyfriend. I admit he is kind of creepy.
She walked in and Sydney showed us where we'd sleep. They had an extra bedroom and the bed was big enough for my brother and I. We set our bags down and head to the kitchen when Sydney announces that we'd be having dinner soon.
I look at the doorway to see Maddies paused there staring at me. We haven't seen each other lately and I guess she didn't know I was coming. "Hi Maddie" Logan says in his usual soft tone. "Hey Logan" she waves and takes a seat across from me. She even sounds different. She keeps looking at me, I guess expecting me to say something but I just look down at my plate of beans and rice. Sydney and her guys talk and their voices are the only noise in the kitchen and its boring.
No one wants to hear about work days.
After dinner and an even more silent 'dessert' Logan and I change into our pajamas. I don't wear much but just pajama pants but Logan always wears the large batman shirt that dad gave him.
You're mom gave me this years ago and now that I can't fit it, do you want it?
Of course he wouldn't ask me. It fits me more than it does Logan.
Logan is asleep in not time, sent away by his medication and I leave the room to go to the bathroom. I see a light inside of it so I know someone's already in there. I wait for a couple of minutes and when Maddie comes out wrapped in a towel and wet hair I nearly get excited.
She looks a bit surprised to see me and tries giving me a smile.
No matter how much I try and avoid her...she's still the same. She's still the girl I dream about.
Still the same curly auburn hair.
Still the same light green eyes and rosy cheeks.
Still the same pink lips.
"Sorry it took me so long."
I shrugged, "It's fine" I said and walked past her, inside the bathroom.
After I was done I went back to the guess room and turned off the lights. I laid in bed with Logan and closed my eyes.
When the door open and I noticed it was still dark outside I thought it was Logan as usual but I wasn't at home and Logan wasn't at the door.
It was Maddie walking toward the bed. I pretended to be asleep when she climbed in next to me so that I was in the middle now.
She wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my neck since I was laying on my side towards her.
"I'm not sleeping" I mumble. "Just hold me Noah" she whispered, her voice cracking. "I haven't been this close to you since ever." I wrapped and arm around her and brought her closer to me by her waist.
She sighed, holding me tighter. She kissed where her lips were aligned which was the base of my neck. "I'm sorry." "For what?" "For everything, for what I said." "I should be sorry for what I did and I am."
She brought my face down by pulling down on my neck and our foreheads touched. I couldn't necessarily see her face but the moon shinning in the window outlined the socket of her eyes and even made her irises gleam a bit.
"Don't beat yourself up about it. You read what you read and you can't take it back."
"And I feel terrible."
She kissed me under my jaw, "Don't." "Maddie..." She just kept kissing me. Up my cheek and dangerously close to my mouth. I decide, since she's kissing me, I can kiss her. I kiss her cheek softly and I nearly gasp at how it tickles my lips. We spend a few moments kissing each other but completely avoiding our mouths. To me...this was special. I needed this from her. I needed her.
"Oh Noah just kiss me" she whimpered and connected her lips with mine. Surprise wasn't even the word for it.
We moved our lips softly together, practically savoring each other.
I moved my hand from her hip, up her waist, taking her shirt with me. She was nearly bare, only wearing a large tshirt and underwear. Her leg wrapped around his waist and pressed her core into me. Oh god. She was moaning against my mouth and it was driving me crazy.
I rolled on top of her and rolled my hips into her. Her whimper made me groan and her pulling on my hair wasn't making any better. My vision was blurry and it was already dark. I kiss down her neck and softly sucked on her skin while doing it. I keep rocking my hips into her, the fabric from my pj pants and her underwear separating us.
She let out a shaky breath, "Noah..."
That snapped me out of it. I can't do this. Not like this, not under these circumstances. Plus my little brother is sleeping right next to us. "Wait wait we can't do this." "No, Noah don't stop, don't leave me hanging" she whispered, tilting her hips toward me, pressing us together once again.
She sucked on the spot below my ear. "I can feel you Noah." She brought us closer together by wrapping her legs around my was it and then circled her hips. I'm sure she could feel me...she was driving me crazy.
"Come on Noah."
When did she become so dirty?
I get a raging feeling that she wasn't like this before Donnie. Was she still with him?
This was so wrong.
I pulled myself off of her standing up on all fours. "Maddie this is wrong. You're with Donnie, w-we can't to this." She sighed and closed her eyes. "Can't we just-nevermind" she said.
I bit my lip and observed her. Swollen lips, shirt pulled up way too far.
"Just tell me that it meant something" she pleaded, opening her eyes to me. "Tell me you felt something too."
I leaned down and softly pecked her lips, "Of course I did."
She lightly giggle and hugged me close to her. "Put me to bed Mamie" she teased at me. She knows I don't like that nickname.
"Good morning Noah, sleep well?" "Sure did Sydney" I smiled.
We sat around the table and I nearly laughed at how sluggish Logan was being. Maddie sat across from me again and shared with me a shy smile.
Others ate cereal while I had eggs because I'm allergic to soy.
"What happened to your neck?" Logan asked, pointing at Maddie. "Don't point" I hissed, knowing exactly what he was talking about.
Sydney narrowed her eyes at her. "Are those love bites?"
"N-no they're um...burns! They're buns from my...curling iron" she said with a proud smile,
"You don't have a curling iron. You're hair is naturally curly Madison" her mom said in a stern voice.
"Did I say curling iron? I meant flat iron, I borrowed your straightener."
"Sure" she said unconvinced but didn't ask anymore questions.
Maddie looked at me and her face turned red. "Nice save" I mouthed sarcastically. She narrowed her eyes at me and stomped on my foot under the table nearly making me yelp.
"Is there something wrong Noah?" she asked in an innocent voice. I groaned.
When we got back home I was a bit scared to see something bad. We walked in and it was quiet. "Go to your mom" I told Logan. He nodded and went upstairs. I looked around the kitchen and there was nothing unusual. I went to the living room and saw my dad sleeping on the couch.
He deserves it.
I rolled my eyes and went upstairs to mom's room. I opened the door to see her just now getting up. "Jamie?" "Yeah mom." "Oh, hey baby, how was Maddie's?" "It was alright" I said, hiding my smile.
"Is your dad still downstairs?" I nodded. She sighed, "Jamie, he is putting up a fight." I sat on the bed next to her, "Want to talk about it?"
"Would you listen?"
She bit her lip, then began talking. "He came home to see me even more drunk and crying. He tried to comfort me but I just lashed out and started yelling at him about how I knew he was cheating. He denied it so hard. Lies. I told him I knew about Australia" she sniffed. "He said he was sorry and never meant to hurt me. He said it was stupid of him to be with her but...I knew this was coming. The past month we've never been more distant. He said he wasn't going to give up but I'm tired of this. So tired."
"I'm sorry mom."
She reached over and ran a hand down my cheek. "Promise me this. If you find a girl you know you love, don't let her go. You can't okay? Fight for her."
"Noah, your father and I are getting a divorce, no matter what he says, and it hurts. it hurts so much. Don't ever let it get like this."
My mom seems empty now and it's killing me. I'd never let any girl I love get like this. Not even my mom. I'll help her, I will.
"I swear it, mom, I do."
AN: Oh no Liam and Eden!
Noah and Maddie are getting a bit...cozy.
Thoughts thoughts thoughts!!!!
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