It was a busy time. We were on TV, we stood on the stage and sang. Everyone in the group was in a good mood, but I felt the whole time that I was missing something. I wanted to marry Louis and I wanted a family. It was like I was torn between a celebrity life and the ordinary life. I could stand on stage and look at the others. Niall was happy, Liam sang so that he was hoarse, Zayn really showed that he was an artist and Louis had just fun. I myself was still quite uncertain, and many times I was close to vomiting. I was so nervous and it was unique that people wanted to see us.
"Haz, you need to stop thinking!" Louis whispered to me. He pointed out to the fans and smiled at me. "They are here to listen to us. Enjoy it and realize that it could be over tomorrow. We don't know if we will get any more."
I hugged Louis lightly and nodded.
"Okay, I'll try."
Niall began talking to the audience and to my great surprise he mentioned us.
"And soon to be, Larry will come true!" he said and laughed at us. "Harry has found a perfect place to implement the act on."
I frowned, but Niall was in a great mood and didn't care about my looks.
"But we will not tell you where!" continued Niall and he came over to me and Louis. "Or what do you say guys?"
Louis laughed and picked up his microphone to his mouth.
"No, we tell them nothing."
I saw that everyone in the group didn't at all pondered. It was just me who saw black and it was just me who felt lost. Was there something wrong with me?
"But it wasn't so serious?" Niall said when we came down from the stage. I looked at him coldly and shook my head slightly.
"Maybe not, but I want my private life to myself."
Niall took his arm around my shoulder and smiled.
"Haz, you need to relax a little. We aren't known for all eternity, and you will always have Louis next to you. He will not leave you."
"It just feels so wrong that everyone must know who I am, what I do and what happens between me and my boyfriend. I just want to live a normal life, but have music there sometimes."
Niall looked into my eyes and he became serious.
"None of us thought we would get fans. Neither of us thought we had a single chance to become famous. Now that we have that part, I don't want to drop it."
I swallowed and looked down at my hands.
Niall smiled weakly and released me.
"Come on, we take one day at a time and I'm glad you're with us. Without you in One Direction weren't the same. We hadn't had your voice in the songs and it had sounded weird."
Headlines were filled with pictures of Louis and me. It was about the future and that we would get married. It became a general topic everywhere about The gay rights in society and it started debates on how people liked gays or not.
Harry changed and was no longer that happy guy as he had been. He seemed to ponder all the time and he didn't seem to like the idea that we were famous. I tried to do everything for him, but he just sat and was depressed.
"I don't know why I'm like this." he said. "But it feels like I don't have the time to be just Harry. This sensitivity so long since I worked at the bakery and was only me."
I hugged him and kissed his cheek.
"You are the same, Harry! Difference's that we have started a group and you know that everyone loves you."
He met my gaze and nodded. He thought and then swallowed.
"So we can have kids?"
I nodded and smiled at him. I lied because I wasn't ready yet, but I didn't want to ruin it for my boyfriend.
"We marry first and we can keep our eyes open? Maybe we can find a girl or another couple who wants the same thing. But we take one thing at a time."
Harry nodded and smiled. He hugged me and held my body so soft.
"I love you so much Louis."
I smiled and I felt how my whole body tingled.
"You know that I love you just as much?"
Harry nodded and released me.
We approached the wedding and a week before our big day, Harry was so nervous that he forgot everything. He could lose the text in the songs and he didn't leave my side for a single second. I guess I understood him. He was younger than me and for him it was something big. His mom helped me to keep him calm and we went through the details daily. The priest practiced with us and in the end I knew that everything was as it should be for us. We purchased the day and then it was just to take it easy.
The evening before the wedding came Harry's mum Anne to our home and she gave me a box. I opened it and two gold bangles. They looked old out and I looked up in surprise at her. Anne smiled and blushed slightly.
"You have to have something blue, something old, something borrowed and ..." she wiped away the tears that came and looked at me. "There are bracelets that Harry's grandfather had and I thought you could call them old? I want it to be with the two of you and this's my way to show my love for you."
I was about to start crying of happiness. I hugged her hard and felt my entire stomach tingled.
She smiled and squirmed out of my arms.
"So where's my son?"
I pointed to the kitchen.
"I guess you'll find him there. He bakes to not be too nervous."
Anne looked into my eyes and smiled weakly.
"I just want you to know I'm glad that Harry met you. He was a single man without hope, but you gave him everything."
I just felt so happy and wanted to share what Harry had done for me. Still, I felt that she wasn't listening on me for the moment. She was as nervous as Harry and she seemed unsure of what she would do.
"Go to your son." I whispered tenderly. "We know that you are proud of him and I'm also glad that I met him."
Anne smiled and left me. I heard Harry hugged her, talked with her, and he offered her cakes.
When Anne had gone, we went into the shower. We washed each other and then we dried each other's bodies. We picked up the clothes that we would get married in. We put ourselves in bed at sensible time and lay and held each other. It was as if nothing more needed be said and we knew that our day had come.
I was falling asleep when I heard Harry's voice.
"Louis, you are the only person on earth that makes me happy. I know I can be difficult, but I love you more than I love myself."
I realized he thought I was asleep. Therefore I didn't answered him, and just listened.
"I didn't think a guy like me could find a guy like you. It wasn't in my world and I lived on hope. I backed away from the X-factory and I backed off from being open. You got me open me up and you got me to show who I am. You are the only one who managed to do that."
I realized that we chose our own fate. I had also backed away from X-factory and I also had many dreams. I was wondering what would have happened if everyone in the group had participated in the competition. Had we become famous? I had become a solo artist, and I still had gotten to know Harry? I knew Simon certainly hadn't liked us. I couldn't see myself as a solo artist, but Harry had certainly fared. Liam was the one who seemed more powerful and he had become known as an artist. I saw before me the way Liam won the whole X -factory and how he gave out CDs. I knew I myself had been less successful. Niall was also a person who had come a long way in such a contest. He won on the charm and he won because he was so innocent. Zayn had certainly become a serious artist. He hadn't left anything go on as a chance, and he had struggled to win. Maybe we hadn't even looked at each others way? In such a contest was it easily to be enemy and looked askance at each other. I was therefore a little glad that we met outside of a contest. We were five normal guys who had dreams. What made us unique was that we didn't take anything for granted and we always had each other. I had Harry and he was mine. In X -factory maybe he hadn't even fallen for me ? He hadn't seen me as a future partner.