I'm Sorry That I Loved You

Louis and Harry have always been close, Harry's youth persuading him that it's only brotherly love but over a painful period of time, he recognises how mistaken he was, he realises that he's sorry for everything that has happened. ~This is Larry Stylinson so sorry if you don't like it but...~


4. Chapter 3

Harry rose from his bed and looked to his side... no Louis, his eyes wondered every orifice of his room yet still there was no Louis, however despite this, the pungent aroma of Yorkshire tea tantalised Harry's senses. Running down the hallway to the kitchen he stood frozen staring at what he was hoping to see for so long.
"LOUIS!‼‼‼‼" Harry screamed at him with happiness as he ran to hug his best friend "I've missed you so much, I'm sorry..." but as his hands went to touch his arms to hug him, the warm skin didn't greet him, instead Harry's arms went straight through him as Louis laughed
"Haz, you have to wake up now..." Lou spoke smiling at his love as he reached out and cupped his hand on Harry's cheek, as Harry shook his head furiously
NO, YOUR REAL, DONT LEAVE ME AGAIN!!!!!" Harry felt himself being pulled back from the one person he so badly wanted to talk to, shouting for him, screaming for Louis to just come back he sore his best friend be taken away from him again with the faint sounds of Louis echoing inn his ear promising that he'll be back tomorrow, when he goes to sleep.

"HARRY WAKE UP" Liam and Niall were stood either side of Harry as he violently shook and sweated, "HAR..." before the two boys could Finnish Harry jolted up exclaiming "LOU!!!!!!" Panting heavily as though he was a dog and with wider eyes that someone who had seen a ghost, Harry's tears formed rapidly in his eyes "He was right..there" he whispered quietly with disappointment.
"Haz, come on you need to eat, have a shower and get changed, we have an interview with Alan Carr, and I'm sorry about how I reacted it was out of order..." Liam say sitting down as he placed his arm over Harry's shoulder,
"I.. its fine Li." Harry's short replies became second nature to him, as all he had been thinking about was Louis. As Liam dragged him to the bathroom after blatantly refusing to eat and breakfast, Harry sunk down in the bath, as his hair became tamed by the water droplets, and his weak body relaxed but he wasn't, rummaging around the sides of the bath for the sharpest thing he could find, digging it into his skin ever so slightly the blood surrounded him as it dripped into the bath, over and over again he repeated the process before sighing in relief that for a short period of time his pain inside had been released. After wrapping his wrist up and getting changed in a 'typical harry styles outfit' only with Lou's beanie on, slouching as he went to see the boys in the living room
"Haz what happened to your wrist?" Liam asked concerned for his wellbeing as Harry's fake smile shone on his face like normal declaring nothing.

As the boys arrived on set, you could easily sense the atmosphere wasn't the same without Louis, of course at the moment none of the public knew only the boys, Louis's family didn't even know. Today was the day when one direction would change... forever. Walking out on set, Zayn, Liam and Niall all smiled and waved to the crowd but Harry well he felt so lonely  that the sounds deafened him, the lights blinding him when he walked and there was no sparkle, no glimmer of hope, no Harry. You could hear the mumbles of the crowd asking where he was, almost as though he was taunting the boys when after 5 minutes Zayn cracked standing up, screaming 
"STOP IT!!" as Zayn screamed Niall and Liam looked at him open mouthed as Harry hid in his skin "HE'S NOT HERE BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING DEAD!" the audience erupted into laughter as though he was joking; even Alan did. Liam stood up next to Zayn and swallowed hard
“He's not joking... yesterday we lost Louis William Tomlinson, and I'm extremely sorry Jo that we never told you or the girls bu..but we were trying to sort ourselves out, and that I know fully was selfish but we were wrecks, I'm not going to go into detail about what had happened but...” Liam broke down crying as he swiftly took himself off set when Zayn plucked up and finally spoke 5 small words, that destroyed Harry
"It was all his fault.” Zayn pointed a shaky finger at Harry as he looked at him with disbelief before running off sobbing silently to himself. Pulling put his phone and calling to hear the one voice he felt normal around he dialled it, the ringing seemed endless before the familiar voice greeted him

HIIII! If you've got to my voicemail then I either don't like you and I'm ignoring you or I'm spending much needed time with my four best friends, so if your important then ill get back to you if not I'm afraid this sassmasters ain't bothered!! Bye *mwah*

Harry just cried and laughed at the reminder of Louis, he knew that even if he left voicemail after voicemail although he wouldn't hear him directly somehow Louis would know. Niall and Liam had ran to find Zayn, whereas Harry, well Harry got driven home by management because of his 'uncontrollable behaviour' back to an apartment where he can relieve his pain, dragging any sharp object through him, then panicking for a bandage, crawling into bed for the second time since the incident, Harry pulled out the book that Lou had wrote to him, peeling open the second page to read on from where he left 

I'm so sorry for what I said the last time, I'm just so confused,
I couldn't stop being physically sick today, I don't know if that's the lack of food that I've been giving myself or if its just the humiliation of falling in love with someone who doesn't love you back, but all I know is. I'm not well. I can't even begin to describe how hard it is to force myself out of bed when your not home, its pointless, my life Harry is pointless without you being there to make me smile and tell a stupid joke that no matter what, will always make me smile. I'm scared Haz I'm scared of what might happen to me if I carry on this way, but I can't stop, its a habit now and your the addiction that I can't get off of. However today you did introduce me to Eleanor, maybe she's what I need to get myself better? I don't know I felt a spark, although its not like the fireworks I get near you.
Love always
Louis xoxo

Harry remembered that day, the day where he finally felt proud to see how Lou's face lit up at the sight of El, but he never fully knew his feelings towards her, and now he knows why. Still sniffling, despite no more droplets could leave his tear ducts, Harry sunk down, ignoring the distant voices and the on going faint sound of an ambulance replaying through his mind to try and reach sanity. To try and reach Louis.

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