I remember a lot, the scar on my forehead and its origin, the first girl I kissed and the first dream I'd ever had. I live within my own mind, and my own plights thinking about everything I've ever done and has happened to me. I will never tell a real name to anyone, but the stories are real, I assure you. My name is of little concerned, but I will be addressed as Joseph Travers, and if you take the time to listen I will indulge you of my life.


4. I Remember the Hill

Maybe it’s because I like to jump around a little, but I like to make note of important things as they come to mind, so I’m a little strange. However I remember being fourteen years old, hating freshman year of high school and being a punk ass outcast with Craig and a few other nonessentials but for the sake of stories we’ll put names to them; Jody, Marina, Ace and Trent. For the record Ace was a girl, not a guy… “was”.

But I remember a particularly warm February afternoon where we were all skipping class and walked up this hill just outside of school; Ace was dressed in her usual leather, me in my baggy jeans and hoodie, Craig in a similar outfit as mine and the other nonessentials were pretty goddamn Goth. Craig took point, even though he was the second youngest there (just above me), he had this certain leadership quality that compelled people to follow him. The eldest of us was Jody who was nineteen, a senior and just about as virgin as a Bloody Mary drenched in vodka and the depressions of a long day of work for your average business man.

When we reached the top of the hill Craig went into one of his pockets and produced a cigarette and lit it, dragging long and hard off of it then proceeding to blow smoke rings in my face with a snarky grin. Jody took out a small baggy filled with white powder, sat down on the ground with a binder, emptied the contents onto it and formed it into a line with a razor blade. Then she leaned down and snorted it. Ace sat down next to her and did the same. Trent toked up with Marina. And what I did was retrieve a small flask of rum from my pocket which was passed around and drained fairly quickly. Trent’s blunt got passed over to me and I took a hit.

Needless to say most school days were like this; skipping class and doing drugs, but today spelled something awful for us ‘rebels’. I remember that we were sitting on this hill and talking and laughing and just doing whatever it was that we did, as the sound of Jody coughing broke the intoxicated serenity. Her eyes were turning red, as was her face; both of her hands grasped for her throat.

“What’s going on?!” Craig said frantically.

Jody’s nose slowly began to dribble blood out of it.

Ace started frantically shaking her, saying, “Come on sweetheart, don’t do this do us!”

Trent stood up, his eyes bloodshot and his movements impeded by marijuana.

Jody began convulsing violently, her mouth making the formations of one who is about to vomit.

Marina was off in her own little world, a pill on her tongue as she rolled on the ground laughing hysterically.

And what did I do? I stood there motionless and scared like a bitch with an empty flask in my hands as Jody ODed, thoughts racing through my mind of what we could possibly do to save her life without getting in trouble; I was empty.

Jody’s face turned blue, tears rolled down her cheeks and her mouth foamed with vomit and saliva, her legs kicking frantically as if she were drowning and hoping to swim to the surface.

Craig called out, “Fuck it! Trent! Go get Mr. Pearson!”

Trent nodded and clumsily made his way down the hill, stumbling slightly as he went.

All I knew is that Mr. Pearson was a custodian and sold Ace her cocaine, so if anyone were to come it would be best to be him.

It was a good half an hour before Mr. Pearson came back with Trent to a stone cold Jody and us ‘rebels’ bewildered, high and drunk, but more scared than a dear in headlights.

Ace was the only one truly emotional at this moment, crying into the shoulder of a glazed over, pallid girl.

Today was brutal three days later when on the announcements at school they announced Jody’s passing over the intercom. Then there was an assembly on drugs and overdose, only me, Craig and the nonessentials truly knew why… And I look back, they aren’t nonessentials; they’re Ace, Trent and Marina, My Rebel Posse… You know what’s scariest though?

Even Jody’s death didn’t stop our addictions.  

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