22. Chapter 21.
Harry is lightly snoring in the bedroom. I lay on the couch in silence. ‘Why don’t you love me?” It took Harry getting piss drunk for his feelings to come out. Of course I didn’t answer him. I just picked him up and put him to bed. I wanted to tell him that I think I do. That I never want to go back to that place that I want to be with him and only him. But I have to be a realist. The simple fact is I am going back to that place and Harry is not. There is no relationship ever that has survived one being free and the other slowly going more and more insane. Sometimes it seems like he forgets that I am sick. Its weird I never used to consider myself like the others. But recent weeks have made me question it. Maybe I am just like those others as Harry had said in our first conversation. ‘You are just like all the others’ My eyes close and as hard as I try I cant open them. The darkness envelops me and I start to panic. ------- “Why don’t you love me Vera?” Its Harry he is crying. I can hear him but I can’t see him. I am in the basement again. I push the door as hard as I can but it won’t budge. I turn to find something to help and when I turn back the door has vanished. Anna stands in the doorway. “Kill him Vera, DO IT,” she yells. I push past her and Harry I bolted to the wall. Literally, bolts have been placed in his writs and ankles. Blood slowly seeps from his wounds and I want to help him but I am frozen. On the table is a half skinned Theo, there is so much blood pooled around her. Philip stands in front of Harry. “Stay away from him” I scream. Philip just turns to face me a huge grin on his face as he proceeds to tug at Harry’s skin, peeling it down. “Why won’t you love me Vera” Harry screams. ------- “Vera, Vera” Harrys shakes me awake. My eyes fly open and my breath is heavy. “Your awake” Harry breathes. “What you were… You were… And he was… Then Theo” I panic “Shhh babe I’m right here, it was just a dream.” Harry comforts me. “But it felt so real” I cry. “I know babe, you are safe now I got you” I try to steady my breathing. Jesus that felt so real. “I’m ok now you can go back to bed” I give Harry a small smile. “Are you sure, I don’t mind being here with you” I know you don’t mind but I really want to kiss you right now so can you please just go. “Yes I am sure,” I tell him He nods and makes his way back to the bed. ----- “Morning Vera” Harry grumbles. He rubs his eyes and makes his way to the couch. I stand in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil. “Hi, how’s the head?” “Sore” he laughs. “I’m sorry by the way, I should have drunk that much” “Drink as much as you like, it doesn’t bother me” This is my new tactic. Act like I don’t give a shit about anything especially when it comes to him. “Oh” is all he says. I see a dark figure run past the window and I pull back the curtain. Nobody is around. Weird. “Um is there anything you wanted to do today?” Harry asks unsure. “No” I say with no emotion. When in reality I want to go to the hospital and finish Philip off for skinning you last night. “Theo’s thing is tomorrow,” He states. “Her thing?” I am pissed now. “Sorry her funeral, I just forgot the word for a minute” “Yeah well think before you speak” Not just this time but when you drink too. “Sorry” “Ugh will you stop apologising, you made a mistake ok it happens” “Vera what wrong?” Harry ignores my harsh tone. “Nothing, I’m fine. I just need a shower” “Is this about last night?” “No its not” Yes it really is. “You can talk to me you know” “Yes I know” but I won’t. I wish I had some money so I could leave and get a place by myself. But I am stuck here with Harry and his twenty-one questions. I need a drink. I walk into the bedroom and Harry is pulling a shirt over his head. “Oh sorry” he starts “actually I mean” he slumps “I don’t know what I mean” I feel so bad for him. All I want to do is reach out and touch him to tell him I love him. But we both just sit on the bed neither of us knowing what to do. There is a knock at the door and Harry stands to answer it while I stay put. “Hello” Harry answers. “Um sorry to bother but I was looking for Vera Steele. Detective Lance told me I could find her here” It’s a female’s voice. I have no idea who she is. I wait in the room. “Ah yeah she is, sorry but who are you?” Harry asks. “Oh sorry again my name is Jade, I am Theo’s daughter” I stand quickly and go to the living room. Standing in the door is a thin white girl. I was expecting her to be black like Theo but then I remembered she is adopted. Her long dark hair flows down her back. She has dark circles under her blue eyes. She looks as if she hasn’t slept in days. She probably hasn’t. “I’m Vera” Jade’s face breaks into a huge smile as she walks past Harry and brings me into an unexpected hug. “I have waited so long to met you,” she says into my hair. Unsure of what to do I hug her back. She is my closest connection to Theo now. I hope she is more like her mother than she looks. “Hi” is all I manage. After Harry makes us both a hot drink Jade sits me on the couch. She asks a bunch of questions about Theo. What she was like at work. What we talked about. Any particular memories that I am fond of. We both end up in tears and Harry sits with me some of the time before escaping to the bedroom. “There is something that I wanted to ask” Jade says wearily. “Feel free to say no, its just mum talked about you a lot and I thought you might want to say the eulogy tomorrow. I know it is short notice and all but maybe” Jade is asking me to speak at Theo’s funeral. I don’t know what to say. I have only ever been to my mother’s funeral and even then it was small and not a lot of words were said. I feel this strange connection to this girl now. The look on her face pulls at my heart. She is broken and I can’t deny her. “Yes I will” I nod. I hope to make Theo proud.