"He was the boy of my dreams."
Sound familiar yes? This very quote is used to describe a boy who is everything you ever wanted. It can very often be heard in your school hallways, at the mall, even from siblings. All from squealing teenage girls who have met the supposed love of their life.
Nothing can go wrong right?
He's perfect and can make no mistake correct?
Don't get me wrong. If you've said this I don't mean any offense. I'm simply stating that the statement is overused.
If you've met the love of your life and he's everything you dreamed of.....by all means have at it. Never let him go. I will have never have such luck.
I guess you can call me hypocritical and I guess you couldn't. Complicated I know. You see I've found myself saying the very same thing. "He was the boy of my dreams."
Although I said it, I by no means jumped up and down giggling because I saw a hot guy and he happened to look my way. Which apparently indicates to so many people that the boy is obviously interested in you...... Think about that for a second.
No. I said this laying in my bed every night hoping to sleep and my dreams deliver a vision of the boy that appeared so many times in my slumber. A boy that I was convinced did not exist.
You see for nights on end, not just one night, but months upon months which added up to years and years, filled with sleepless nights of the same dream, same place, same wonderful boy.
A boy. His face is not clear. Just a figure, a shadowy haze , a grey blur. I may not know what he looks like, but I know every time I visit him in my dreams he is wonderful. Warm and real and bright. His presence was like something I've never felt before.
It was as if I were blind,
but I could still sense his charm and charisma.
As if had unable to feel,
but yet touch the smoothness of his skin, the shagginess of his hair.
As if I could not smell,
but I could waft the aroma of cologne that smelled of water and spruce.
As if I could not speak,
but could carry on a conversation for hours just by our eyes.
He made me smile and laugh in ways that I hadn't for years, without faking that is. Smiling, something so foreign to me that I almost forgot how amazing it felt to truly, smile.
This boy....whoever he is, wherever he is, is my safe haven. When my world comes crashing down around me. He is the shelter and arms I run to, keeping me hidden in his strong grasp and I held on to him as if I'd let go, he disappear and I'd have to face the dark world alone.
If only......if only he were real. One thing I know for sure. I've counted many and I mean many sleepless nights.