"Megan oh my god-" My sister said as she got up and started walking towards me. I stopped her before she could get too close. "Look, Jamie. I lost my best friend today and I don't know if Ill ever be able to look at him the same way again. I'm tired, and confused, and emotionally drained. I just can't do this right now ok? I'm going to bed." That all I said before I went upstairs. I didn't let her say anything else. Not like anything she said would help at all.
My best friend abandoned me in a way I only thought would happen in my nightmares and all I could think about was how much I just wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok. He couldn't though because he was the problem. I would love to say that, that is when I had a revelation and used my pain in a really inspiring artistic way, but I just laid down on my bed. I didn't cry, or scream. I just layer there, utterly numb, and useless. I didn't know what else to do. A little after 12:00am I got a text from Ashton.
Ash: Are you ok little one?
Ashton only called me that when he was trying to cheer me up. Louis must have told everyone what happened. Some of it at least.
You: No Ash, I'm not. I wish I could put on a brave face and smile and say everything was fine, but I can't.
Ash: Get dressed and wait for me. I'm coming. It will all be alright little one.
I don't know what it was with these boys and them just expecting me to do whatever they said, but I trusted ash and he was the first person today to say what I really needed to hear at that moment. So even though it was midnight, I got dressed, grabbed my phone and went downstairs to wait for ash.
About 15 minutes later I heard a very soft knock on the door. I opened it to find a very sympathetic Ashton Irwin standing there. I stepped out and stood next to him on my front porch. Neither of us saying anything. Then he hugged me. It was a long, sweet, protective hug that only Ash could give. For a second I felt safe. Then it was over.
Ash and I walked for a little while. I didn't realize where I was leading him till we were already there. We were standing right in front of the spot Harry and I had talked earlier that day. "Oh is this that special place you'd always talk about. It does look like it could be pretty magical." I shook my head and turned away, not even able to look at it. "No." I responded. "This place doesn't have any magic. Only sorrow." Then I collapsed. My body sort of just gave up. Almost like it was saying 'See ya in a happier time bitch!' And I didn't blame it. I would leave me too, but I couldn't. I was stuck with me.
Ok, so this was kind of a low point for me. I swear I'm not usually this self-pittyish. Honestly I don't think its that big of a deal now, but at that time it felt like my world was crashing and burning with me just standing there holding up this huge bolder, waiting to be squashed beneath it. So right there at 12:37am I let the bolder crush me as I fell. I only have ash to thank for catching me, because as I fell to the ground crying my eyes out Ash caught me. He held me so tightly, but gently. "Hey." He kept saying "Come back to me, its ok. Every things ok. Just come back to me little one."