12. Its not your fault.
By the time I stopped crying I was in the park right near my house. There was this hidden place that I would always go to. It was this tree that had fallen a long time ago. Nothing special, but it fell in a way that it ended up being a sort of bridge, going over this little stream that ran through the whole parks. It was quite and private there. I always thought it held some kind of magic, but not today. Not after what had just happened. I climbed to the middle of the log and just sat there for a while staring at the water. I didn't even feel sad or angry anymore, I just felt numb. Thats when I heard a russle in the bushes from where I had come. It was Harry. I didn't run or yell or anything. I just sat there, ignoring him. He stood there in silence as well. And thats how it stayed for a little while. He looked sad and ashamed, which at any other time would make me feel bad, but these where special circumstances.
"Megan-" He finally said, breaking the silence. He didn't say more then that. I don't think he knew what to say. I didn't know what to say either. I didn't really want to talk. Not to him anyway. "I'm an idiotic asshole" He said. Harry rarely swore at all which meant he really meant it. I must admit, it felt good to hear him say that about himself, but I didn't believe it. "Its not your fault. You were drawn in by the nerdy confidence and the 'I know more then you' charm. And the good looks of coarse." I replied still not looking at hime. "No I wasn't." He stated, raising his voice to the point where he was almost yelling. I couldn't tell if he was mad at me or himself. Maybe a bit of both. Either way, I didn't like it. He must have noticed because his face softened. He moved a bit closer, sitting at the edge of the log. Looking straight at me. From the corner of my eye I could see the pain he was in and despite my anger towards him I felt sad that he was sad.
"I don-" "Dont" I cut him off. The pain growing in my chest again. I stood up on my log and looked at him. "The truth is, I trusted you. I told you things about me I didn't even tell my own mother, or any of the other boys for that matter. You were my best friend. The thing that always made me smile was you, even after the times when my mom would tell me how disappointed she was in me, because you always made me so happy. And its not your fault. Its mine!" My anger was rising now, as was my voice. "I can't believe I was stupid enough to ever believe anyone would choose me over my sister. Thats the worst part, Harry. I knew this would happen, but I tricked myself into thinking that I was just being paranoid. I guess thats the thing though. It was all a trick." Somewhere in that rant I had started crying again. Walked towards him and pushed my way past, walking away. "I'm sorry." he yelled after me, his voice cracking. I turned back and looked at him. "I know." I said. Then I turned back and kept walking.