“I knew it,” Zayn mumbled as soon as I walked into my dorm for my last ever night in UCLA.
“Knew what?” I questioned, moving around the room to avoid looking into those sympathetic eye.
“I knew I shouldn’t have brought you there knowing that Georgia was going to come. I knew you were going end up like this,” he replied as he dropped onto my bed.
“End up like what?” I asked. I knew I was border lining being annoying with my fake innocence but I couldn’t help it. I just felt like i had to be nonchalant for the sake of my own sanity and my grief.
“Don’t play coy, Horan. Now you’re all quiet and won’t talk,” he answered.
“I am talking,” I justified although I know i was a weak answer. I’ve never been much of a talker but every time I think or see or talk about Georgia, it seems like I’ve been mute all my life.
Zayn sighed but didn’t say anything else. I knew seeing Georgia again was inevitable especially since my best friend’s girlfriend is her best friend. I also knew that I can never stop wanting to see her again.
“How is she?” I finally whispered. It was dark in my dorm and Zayn was still in the same position he was in from a few minutes ago but I was now laying face down on my bed. My heart felt like it was in my throat and it was going to burst because all I could think about was Georgia.
“How’s who?” Zayn asked. I didn’t reply because I knew he was just playing coy. I heard him sigh loudly. “She’s great. She just graduated out of the LA Police Academy with her boyfriend. His name is Harrison Carrick. They’ve been together for a year. Cindy said that when she first moved to the academy, she could barely talk to anyone.”
I stayed quiet, processing the information he just fed me. i suddenly felt the anger boil under my skin. How can she have a boyfriend and I can barely stand to talk to another girl? It’s unfair. She’s the one who broke up with me. How can she be happy with someone else while I’m still so upset for losing her?
“Let it out, Niall,” Zayn said and I did.
“Why can she have a boyfriend? How come she gets to be happy when I can’t? Is there anything such thing as karma anymore? She broke up with me! And she has the audacity to have a boyfriend and practically forget about me? And what kind of name is Harrison Carrick? Who names their child Harrison Carrick? What a stupid name. What a stupid relationship,” I vented. I sucked in a breath and bit my tongue before I said some things even more insulting and not just about Harrison.
“Did she even love me?” I asked myself more quietly, hoping Zayn didn’t hear a word. But if Zayn did here, he didn’t say a word. We were quiet for a long time. Zayn wasn’t much of a person to comfort another. He didn’t know how to. I accepted his silence because sometimes he leaves the room to avoid it.
“How are you and Cindy?” I asked, breaking the silence.
I felt his weight shift on the bed and I could sense the happiness radiating off him. Lucky bastard. “It’s great. I’ve never loved someone as much as I love her. I found an apartment for us to live in.”
“An apartment?” I asked, sitting up and looking at him.
“Yes. An apartment,” Zayn answered with a roll of his eyes.
“Well, congrats to you,” I mumbled.
“Look, Niall, just because Georgia rained on your parade doesn’t mean you can rain on mine,” Zayn huffed.
I was offended for a moment but then I guess I didn’t have the right to be such a downer for him. If he’s happy I should accept that. Just because I’m not happy at the moment doesn’t mean he can’t be. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he replied. “What did you two talk about?”
I thought back to the conversation we had at the party. It was short and awkward but it was long enough to make me feel that same longing feeling I always got around her. She looked different. She wore more makeup than she used to and she was freely wearing stilettos to a party. And more than that, she didn’t have the long golden hair she had that last time I saw her. Her hair was a dark auburn colour and it was layered to just past her shoulders. I’ll admit the colour does wonders to her bright green eyes but I still loved her golden hair.
“Well?” Zayn inquired.
I rolled my eyes at his impatience. “It was just small talk. I said hi, she said hi. We did the usual how are you’s and the would you like a drink’s and our congratulations. Then I stupidly told her I liked her hair then I even more stupidly told her that I liked her old hair better.”
“Niall,” Zayn said quietly, “do you still love her?”
I didn’t answer straight away. I didn’t want to seem like a wuss for saying yes without hesitation and I knew I couldn’t lie about it. My heart would hurt too much if I lied. “Of course.”
“Why?” Zayn asked. At first I was enraged that he would ask such a question but as I thought about it, I kept asking myself why? Why do I still love her? It’s been almost three years since we broke up. Why do I still love her?
“I love her because when she’s happy, I’m happy. I love her because she makes my head spin and I never know which was is the right way. I love her because she’s so oblivious to how I feel about her and it’s adorable but heartbreaking at the same time. I love her because I’m making this up on the way and there’s actually no way I could tell you why I love her,” I told him and it was the most out of sequence thing I’ve ever said. “I just love her.”
Zayn didn’t reply and instead got off the bed and went to the door. “It’s weird that that made no sense but it’s almost exactly how I feel about Cindy.” Then he left.
I wallowed in self pity for the rest of the night. I stared at the packed boxes and realised that I had no idea where my life was headed at that moment. I didn’t know where to go for the rest of the summer. I didn’t know what to do for the rest of my life.
I’m sorry this was pretty shit. I had a whole month to write it and I procrastinated right down to the last second. I’m sorry. I’ll try to update this frequently but my school is piling up my homework by the second and I never have much time. But I swear next chapter will be better.
Btw, each chapter is going to alternate in POVs unless stated otherwise.
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