It's been a week and Zayn hadn't even looked at me. I'm ignoring him because I thought it'd get him to beg for forgiveness... I'm obviously more wrong than I thought possible
He hadn't even slept in our bed yet. He just stays on the couch... It's fucking annoying.
I don't get it... Why does Zayn hate me near him? Does he know I'm gay? Is he homophobic?
I don't think he is because he's always telling us he had gay friends... Maybe he does but he keeps away from them... Or maybe he just says he does so he seems like a better person.
Or maybe he just lied for no reason at all.
I was busy glaring at the back of his stupid head
"Take a picture" he said stupidly "it'll last longer"
I know stupid. The only way it won't is if I delete it off my phone.
Zayn's stupid. He can stay stupid. He can be stupid without me and go do some stupid thing that's going to get stupid Liam to yell at stupid Zayn for being so stupid.
I was about to go awahl on him. I want to just strangle him with my hands and tear his gorgeous head from his shoulders.
Then I began to pout, just staring longingly at Zayn... Who was I kidding? I wanted Zayn to just come lie with me in the bed. I just wanted to snuggle and curl up against him again... I just want him to be mine
I gave up. Tears began falling from my eyes, rushing down my cheeks as I crawled to the top of the bed and got under the covers.
I hid in the blankets, just crying because I didn't have Zayn... Because he wouldn't ever tell me he loved me... Because he was straight.
I cried because I couldn't have him, because he didn't want to share the Ed with me despite the silent treatment. I cried because he wouldn't even acknowledge my existence. I cried just because I could... And because my heart was aching for him.
But I'm just too stubborn to do anything
I felt a weight on the bed and the covers lift off me
"Hey... What's wrong, buddy?" Zayn cooed
Buddy. I'm his buddy. Nothing more than his friend... Ever. Just Zayn Malik's buddy. Fucking great. I'm his fucking buddy.
I cried harder and he scrunched together his eyebrows, his forehead creasing and his lips turning to a frown
"I'm sorry" I whimpered "for being a dick and not talking to you and for being so mean-"
"You're crying because of that?" Zayn didn't sound too sympathetic anymore
"Well... That and I feel alone"
"You could have just come slept on the couch with me" Zayn smiled
"I thought you'd push me off" I mumble "and... I didn't want to get rejected by you again"
"You always push me out your bed when you wake up beside me" I blubbered "I'm not doing anything either, I just like to cuddle but you hate me"
"That's not why I push you out"
"I'm just scared that... The boys will think there's something more between us" Zayn answered
Wow Zayn. Way to make me feel better about my love issues toward you.
"You're a pussy"
"I know" he agreed
"Who the hell cares if we're gay or not?" I asked "and it shouldn't bother them if we are together anyway... We're all friends"
"I know, I know" Zayn nodded
"They know we're not together" I mumbled "and I'm also sick of everyone taking your side"
"You're right" he smiled "you're absolutely right... But they're not on my side"
"Yes they are"
"If they were on my side Niall" he whispered "they'd be on yours"
My heart fluttered. He was with me?
"Yeah" he nodded again "I'm also sick of Liam accusing you. What he did the other day was not nice... I'm sorry I told you to get out as well. I was planning on talking to you properly about Liam shouting at you"
"I'm sorry for everything" he pulled me into his lap and began to hug me tight "I'm sorry for pushing,shoving and kicking you. I'm sorry for making you cry, and feel like you're not worth it. I'm so sorry Niall... I'm so so sorry"
"I'm sorry for pushing you and making your nose bleed" I murmured "and for not talking to you... And always wanting to cuddle"
"That's okay" Zayn whispered "but... Keep wanting cuddles"
"Huh?" I looked up at him confused
"I love cuddling with you" he gave me a cry worthy smile "you're nice and warm... And small... And cute"
I blushed, dropping my head down
"Give me a kiss"
My eyes widened and I looked up in horror
"wh-what?" I stammered
"N-nothing" he said quickly "I didn't mean that I...." He began to go red
"I wasn't going to do it anyway"
"Oh..." He said hurt
Why would I simply kiss Zayn? I'd probably eat off his face if anything.
But... He looks so upset about me saying I wouldn't kiss him... I guess a peck would be okay
I put my lips on his for a few seconds, then pulled back and forced a smile.
Despite me wanting to cry in joy... My heart hurts. It hurts because that kiss will never mean as much to Zayn as it does to me. I know that now, and it's not easy to be okay with
"thanks" he mumbled
"It's fine" I said quietly "you can... Go back to the couch now"
Instead of speaking again, he lay down, pulling me against him and closing his eyes. He then opened them again and pulled the covers over us both.
I instinctively curled up, my hands holding his shirt and my head burying between his pectoral muscles.
"Maybe... We should just sleep naked"
No. No way in hell
"This is okay" I whispered
"We're friends... It won't hurt" Zayn tried again
"Zayn... I know you don't want to"
"You don't even like me that way so it won't make anything awkward" he said
"Fine" I gave in with a small laugh "we can sleep naked"
I took off my shirt and then my shorts while Zayn just stripped right down. After a lot of nagging from Zayn, I'd taken off my boxers.
The moment I curled back up, I fell asleep with the scent of Zayn wafting up my nose. He'd fallen asleep to... His soft snore lulled me. His warmth kept me safe while I slept.