38. The Discovery
I step back abruptly. So 'the boy' was my boyfriend, and 'the situation' is the fact we're together. She loves Scott? No. No, she can't. It must be a different Scott. This can't be right. I run back to our room and slam the door shut. My breathing is heavy and my heart beats hard and fast. I can't do this. I can't compete with a prettier, kinder, more perfect girl with a more beautiful mutation. He's going to leave me. I can't let him know about the way she feels.
I pace up and down the room. What do I do? What do I do? Argh! I hear Scott's voice down the hall. He's back! I have to calm down. I take deep breaths and try to regulate my heart beat. It works.
"Hey," Scott bursts through the door, carrying a plastic bag in each hand. "I stopped off to get some food for the professor on the way home, your stuff's in the car."
I didn't know he could drive.
"You have a car?" I ask, pushing Jean's confession further into the back of my mind.
"It technically belongs to the professor, but he says I can use it whenever." He kisses me quickly on the forehead before turning to leave again. "I'll just go get your-"
"No!" I exclaim loudly. "I mean, no. I'll do it. I need some fresh air."
"You okay? You look kind of pasty."
"No, I'm fine. You wait here and I'll be right back." I force a convincing smile.
"Okay." I quickly exit the room and run down the corridor, through the large entrance hall and escape out the front door. The cool evening air hits me immediately. I sigh with satisfaction, it's very calming. I look at the car parked in front of me and my mouth falls open. Woah! The car is a very expensive-looking red sports model of some description. I don't know much about cars but I'm pretty sure this wouldn't have come cheap. Damn. If this is what you get for being the leader of the X-Men, I will gladly step up. I reach into the back seat and pull out a large canvas bag, slinging it roughly over my shoulder, before making my way back inside.
On my way back to our room, I set my mind straight. Yes, Jean may think she has feelings for Scott, but he says he has feelings for me and no one else. I trust him. I love him. I smile to myself at the thought. I never actually have been in love before. This is a pretty spectacular feeling. Every morning when I wake up, he's the first thing on my mind, which just makes waking up in his arms even more precious. I don't think I could live without him now. He is to me what ruby quartz is to him, I assume. If he were to lose his glasses he may never be able to over his eyes again. He could continue to be alive, but he would not be living. He would be locked in a constant state of fear of what would happen if he were to dare open his eyes. Without him I would be the same, just drifting from life feeling like I'm missing something, mourning that part of me I lost when I lost him.
Maybe I don't tell him enough how I feel. Maybe I should say those three words more. Maybe I should tell him every morning when we wake. Maybe doing that would devalue the words; maybe saying them less makes them seem more sincere. I definitely need to find a way to show him how I feel. Maybe I should just explain these thoughts to him. Yes. That probably wouldn't come near to showing him how much he means to me, but it's definitely a start.
I take hold of the cold metal door handle with a strong grip and take a deep breath. I've never told anyone how I felt about them before, especially not some who I felt so strongly for. I push on the door handle as the butterflies in my stomach flutter. The door opens.
"Scott, I-" I am cut off by the sight before me. My body feels suddenly weak and my heart seems to stop. Jean is sat on the edge of our bed, sat kissing my boyfriend.