**This is another chapter told from Scott’s POV. I decided that I would challenge myself to base his whole speech here around the lyrics of the acoustic love song entitled ‘Sleep Well, Darling’ by the spectacular post-hardcore band, Secrets. Please check them out. They’re so underappreciated!**
I hold my hands firm at my sides. It may seem that it's just a method to make me seem stronger and more confident, but it's not. It's the only way I can stop them from shaking. What if she doesn't listen? What if she leaves me for good? What if I'm all alone again? I've messed everything up so badly!
"Evelyn, this is tearing me apart." I start, quickly steadying my wavering voice. "I really didn't know that love was this goddamn difficult."
She opens her mouth to speak. I raise my hand to silence.
"I know." I say simply, letting her know that I understand that she does not want to listen to this. "I'm just thinking that maybe I can fix this. By explaining where we went wrong, maybe I can mend this!"
She sighs and relaxes into her stance, showing me that she's willing to listen. I suppress a smile.
"Okay, where to start? Ummm..." I tap my fingers nervously against my thigh. "So joining the X-Men, becoming a leader, I think this is a good change in my life. It's just... It feels like that change has changed how you feel about me... Like you don't like me, or need me, as much as before."
I take her hand and pull her over to sit next to me on our bed. I can't let her leave this room yet. If she goes now, she may never come back to me.
"I know you think going out as an independent mutant, fighting for what you think is right seems like a great idea, but honestly, you're running away from things that will matter more than you know, in the future. By doing this, you'll be fighting a cause that will never need you, as much as we do." I take occasional deep breaths to keep me from stammering and to avoid the inevitable wavering in my voice that comes with so much emotion.
"Scott, you're doing it again!" Her tone sounds irritated, but she controls it well, sighing simply. "This is about me and you, but you're bringing it back to the team."
"Oh. Ummm..." Crap! I don't talk about my emotions! I push myself to search my mind for the correct words for what I feel for her, but nothing seems enough. "I thought that this whole thing would be so easy. I was so naive to think that I could cope with loosing you. There are things that will remain here when you leave, things that will remind me how difficult. This bed," I run my hand across the duvet. "I don't think I could ever stop smelling your scent on my pillow. And then, on top of that, the memories of everything that has happened here between us. No matter what I try, every time I enter this room, I'll be reminded that this is the place where I told you that I love you. I'll lay down to sleep and as soon as I lock my eyes shut and remove my glasses, my mind will bloom into images of your smile, and I'll pray that I might be lucky enough to occupy one of your dreams." I place my hand over hers, which rests lightly on the duvet between us. She doesn't pull away, just keeps her eyes fixed on my face. "The worst thing is, as much as those memories will tear me apart every single day, I'll never want to lose them. I'd never want to be without them, because if I was, I will have lost the last piece of you that I held onto."
"Scott," She stops, as if the words were stolen from her perfect lips.
"I guess all I've been trying to explain is that every time I think of you, my mind just says 'don't go'!" That's it. I can't say anymore now. I have to let her make her own decision.
"I just can't handle being bossed around anymore," Her voice is quiet, almost inaudible. "I know I've told you this before, but you didn't listen. I don't want to be treated like a child. If I make a decision, I don't want to be criticized for it - I can beat myself up about it fine on my own!"
“We just want you safe. If anyone found out about your mutation-"
"I wouldn't care. As long as you and the rest of my friends and family were safe." Her words cut through mine. "Listen, I can handle taking orders from you, and following rules. But if I disagree with them, I won't do either of those things. That's just who I am."
"And I love who you are." I begin to sound increasingly needy.
"Which brings us onto the next point - our relationship. You were so focused on training and me getting better, that I felt completely disconnected from you at points." She sighs. "You've been so intent on perfecting your new 'job' and not letting the X-Men down, that sometimes I've been considering looking to Warren for the slightest bit of company and compassion when I'm locked in your room waiting for midday to arrive."
No! She can't think I don't care for her! "I did that because I need to protect you. I can't bare you getting hurt again, Evelyn!"
"This is exactly was I was saying. Stop acting like I need protection!" The anger returns to her voice. "I am a damn powerful mutant, and I know that! Once, I've perfected this technique Bobby's been teaching me, I'll be able to make my gift more reliable and more accessible. I can kick ass just as well - if not better - than you."
Ouch. Easy on the ego! "I know. But you are - were - my girlfriend, I can't help but worry about you!"
"I love you, Scott. But will that ever be enough?" Her head falls slightly with her mood.
"You tell me. Are you going to stay with the X-Men - more importantly - with me? Or are you going to leave me for a life where no one knows how spectacular you really are?"