"B" Jackson called me. He went inside my room and saw me on the terrace, daydreaming. He always called me B. You know, it stands for Bethany. I called him J, sometimes. It's already been our thing, I guess. "B" he called me one more time.
"Yeah" I was surprised and woke from my daydream. I turned around and I saw my brother walked towards me.
"Is everything alright?" he put his hands on the rail.
"Yeah, everything is fine" I lied. I don't want him to know, because he knew too much about my life, and I want to keep it a secret for now.
"You can fool mom and dad, but you can't fool me, B" he raised his eyebrow and squeezed his eyes.
Damn it! He's not buying it. What should I do? Should I tell another lie? Or should I just tell him the truth? Argghhh! This is driving me insane!
"B! Tell me" His voice became louder than before.
"Why should I tell you?" I snapped.
"I want to know, because I care about you"
"But not every time I tell you about my stuff! You even never told me anything about your life, so what should I tell you mine?!" I yelled at him.
He sighed and didn't say anything. He looks kind of disappointed.
I sighed, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't yell at you. It's just... a lot of things happen to me, and I don't want to put any of my problems into your life anymore"
"But, I'm your brother, and that's what brothers do. Helping the little sister with stuff, like protection" His voice is softer.
"I know, but you've done a lot for me. You punched Steven for me and you always keep me safe, but you also got a lot of trouble because of me, and I don't that happen again to you"
He didn't say any word.
"I'm sorry, J. I'm a big grown up girl, and I think I can take care of myself, even it's about boys" I rubbed his back so he knows I'm really sorry.
"I understand" That was the only words that he said, then he left my room.
I felt so bad. What did I do to my brother? Did I just let him down? Stupid Bethany! Why you do that? I took a big sigh, and stare at the stars above my house. It's beautiful, and it calms me down. I just don't want Jackson to get involved in my problem anymore, and I owe him a lot, but I won't let him do that again. I am a big grown up girl, and I believe I can take care of myself, I hope.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Morning" my mom greeted me from the kitchen. She wore her favorite napkin for cooking.
"Morning, mom" I opened the fridge looking for an orange juice.
"You want an egg?"
"Yes, please" I took an orange juice and closed the fridge. I pour the orange juice in my glass and then drank it. I looked around, and it was really calm, "Where's dad and Jackson?"
"Oh, your dad went to work already. He has a meeting. Your brother still getting ready for school"
She lifts her pan and drop the egg from the pan to my plate. Scramble egg is my favorite breakfast. I heard a step on the stairs. My brother showed up in the kitchen.
"Morning, sleepyhead. You want some egg?" My mom offered him an egg.
"No thanks. I think I'm going to eat breakfast at school.
I stared at him, and he stared me back. It's kind of awkward since what happened last night. I hope he's not disappointed with me.
"Is everything alright?" my mom asked because she was confused about our action.
"Yeah everything is fine" he said. "I better go to school" he walked to the front door.
"You're not going to wait for your sister?" my mom asked.
"No, she can take care of herself" he said with a cold voice. I stay silent and lowered my head. "I better go, I don't want to get late" he opened the door and closed it.
"Is everything alright between you two?" she was confused.
"Yeah, everything is alright. I better go to school too" I kissed my mom's cheek, and went to the door
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I opened my locker, and put my books harshly.
"Somebody is not in a good mood" Megan teased me.
"Shut up" I didn't look at her.
"I'm sorry, it was just a joke"
I closed my locker harshly and faced Megan's face. "You know what? I am so mad at him!"
"Jackson. He's acting too serious about the conversation that we had last night, and now he is fucking upset with me!"
"He tried to make me tell him about what's going on with me, but I'm not going to tell him because I thought I put a problem into his life, but now he is angry because I told him I'm not going to tell him and I can take care of myself!"
"Beth, you need to calm down"
"Why am I supposed to calm down? He is acting like a freaking child!"
"Maybe he is angry and sad because you told him that he can't help you with anything anymore"
I stopped. Maybe she's right. Jackson is upset because I told him that I'm a big grown up girl and I can take care of myself. Jackson took care of me since I was a little kid. I think I should apologize to him, but if I apologized to him, he will think I'm going to tell him about what happen, which I'm not going to. Fuck! Why this is so hard?
"I don't care!" I yelled.
"I don't care if he's angry because I don't want to tell him about what happen. I have my own right" I left Megan alone. I walked faster like I was in a hurry, but I'm not.
I know that he is really angry with me right now, but I'm not going to fall for that anymore. I don't want to put any of my problem into him. I promise that I won't make Jackson sacrifice for me again, and I won't let that happen.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Ms. Moore" Mr. Fredickson called me.
"Yeah" I surprised.
"Can you tell me about one of Maya Angelou's famous poem?"
"Hmm... yeah, it's called..." I don't know what to say.
"You don't know the answer?" he asked.
I shook my head.
"Maybe next time you can pay attention in class and not daydreaming about a hot guy at the beach"
Everybody is laughing. Oh, who am I kidding, this is my third class on the day and I didn't pay any attention in the class. The whole problem between me and Jackson really messed my head. I just don't want to fight with him, but if that should happen for my own good, maybe I will.
"Open page 33 and read the poem. You will be analyzed about the poem on your notebook and you will hand it in before you go out of the class"
I opened my textbook and read the poem from one of the famous poet. When I read the poem, it seems like the poem is my life. All the sad thing that happens to me right now, that was in the poem. I read the poem really serious and totally get it what the poet was trying to say. I put all the thing that happens in the poem on my notebook and hand it in before I went out of the class.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I took a tray to get my lunch in the Cafeteria. Today's lunch, spaghetti, but it doesn't look good, so I took a sandwich. I walked and I saw Megan sitting alone on the Cafeteria's table. I felt really bad, because I yelled at her this morning, which that it's not supposed to happen. I decided to not sat with her, so I sat under the tree in the school's park. I felt so lonely right now, but I need to go away from peoples right now and try to thing straight before I did something fucking stupid.
"Are you eating alone?" someone talked to me.
I only saw his shoes then I lift my head and I saw Matt's face. He smiled at me and I just gave him a small smile. "Yeah"
"Can I eat lunch with you? Because you look need buddies to eat with"
"Sure" I moved a little bit so he can sit beside me.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine"
"Well you look not fine. I'm sorry I don't mean to get involve into your problem, but what happen between you and Megan?"
'Nothing, I just did something terrible at her, so I didn't want to eat lunch with her, because I think she is still angry at me"
"Oh, that happen" he took a bite on his apple. "I think she wouldn't be angry if she knows you didn't mean that"
"But if I tell her that, she probably wouldn't forgive me"
"She will. She is your best friend, and I think she'll understand"
I stay silent. He's right, why I should scare of her because I yelled at her. It's not like I did a really terrible thing, like cheating with her boyfriend, and it's never going to happen.
"I should go" I stood up and packed my thing.
"Okay" he smiled. I left him alone under the tree. I felt he stared at me until I disappeared, and that felt really weird.