Holding My Breath

This is the second movella in the series, to read the first one go to:
:D Sorry about the bad grammar! :D Hope you enjoy


3. Dinner relations

“Here – she wanted me to mail these to you” I gave her the letters, filled with fake photos of her on a vacation. Her sister just smiled for a while, when she received them, without opening a single one of them.

“She really doesn’t want me to discover this… huh” she looked up, and I could see her cheeks were red and her eyes shining like a glass bowl. “Don’t worry” I said “I’m sure she’ll get back sooner or later”.

She just nodded, and looked at the letters again. “I’m sorry, but I have to go” I smiled at her, and started walking away for a bit. She didn’t reply anything, and when I was on the sidewalk, I heard the door close.

They don’t look a thing like each other. You should think that they might, but not at all. Rachael is almost a female copy of her dad, and I don’t know about Silencia. Either she has her own look or she is just like her dad, ‘cause she doesn’t look a thing like her mother. Rachael asked of me to search. Just for one day, and find out as much as possible. I owe her that. I started by finding the portal to Amalion. One of the secret ones. As I jumped through it, I landed hard on the ground to see the house standing as it always had. Flowers blooming in all their glory around it. But it seems like the house is dead and abandoned. Not a light was on, not a single one. It shouldn’t surprise me. I walked in through the entrance, and started by going to the archives in the left part of the cellar. Every person walking in and out was written down, and stored in here. I started when we first arrived here. By then her lover must have visited… As I read and read the names, not one name gave me any clue. Every name I know, have I talked to, and smiled at. Not one of them seemed more interested in Tricia. I went up to the main bedroom after an hour or two going through the data. There must be a clue in here – it was here the crime happened. I opened the closet. A storm of moth flew out and into my face, before they all got on the ceiling staring down at me. They looked soft, like they had fur. But their eyes seemed big and hungry. I got up from the floor and started looked at the remaining of a coat.  My hand slowly close the closet and my legs slowly made me go to a chest in the other end of the room. When I looked through it all I could find were some weapons. The sun was starting to go down, and the room got darker minute after minute. Soon I can’t see a thing. I found a candle in the nightstand and lit it. As the flame busted out and made the room just a little easier to see, a storm of furry wings left the ceiling and flew around, making me fall back and hit my elbow hard into the wood floor. The wood plank fell down, into a hole, and I got up with the candle to investigate it. My hand first removed the plank, but then got a hold on a little chest in the hole. Before I opened it, I searched for anything else, but there wasn’t anything else in there. The chest was made of gold decorations and green colors. Is this the chest that was stolen from the gallery a couple of years ago? I opened it up, to see a bunch of letters. I opened the first up.


I’m sorry, but I can’t leave.

Not yet anyway, my daughter almost discovered us last time, and to be honest she has been asking a lot of questions about you. If we don’t watch out, she may go to her dad. Can’t you send all the letters you have from me, to here? I’ll hide them away, so next time we visit you, there won’t be a risk of her discovering them.

I love you


Rachael almost discovered them? Why didn’t she tell me? She must have known that if she told me, we could do something about it!

My hand reached down, and took another letter. The light weren’t that good, but I could actually read it.


I love you.

I’m sorry, this must really come as a shock, and since the last party, this has just build up inside me. I don’t love my husband, and I never have. It was never my plan to end up with his daughter and him out here where I’m all alone. I know this is disgraceful, and that it’s against the Lighters rules to… love another creature than a Lighter. I love you, and that I can’t change. Do whatever you want with this information.


That must be the first she sent him. So it wasn’t some guy, hitting on her, but actually her starting this mess? I bit my lip and close the chest. I know Rachael send me out here, to discover this, but I have to think about this. If I give this to Rachael, what would happen? It can’t be healthy for a child to read love letters from your mom, to another man than your dad.

I got what I came for. I started walking back to the portal. But then again… what I am doing isn’t right either. She introduced me to her friend, and I feel madly in love. Why can’t I just stay alone? All I need is her! I shouldn’t need other persons!

I should think about her. Only her, not other persons. I don’t want to let her know. I don’t want her to think I can’t be around her friends, without trying to get with them…

I went through the portal and walked towards the castle….


Adrian tells….

Her dad weren’t here for dinner. The vampires had went home, and the atmosphere in the room was tense. She didn’t look me in the eyes, and Tyler kept looking at her. This is still so unfair! I can’t believe that she actually agreed to Tyler staying here! I’m her bo- No I’m not. We never talked about what this was… I need to talk to her, I need to know.

We ate in silence. I want to know how she would feel to be my… girlfriend. Officially we can’t tell others, but it would be nice to know…

“Rachael can I talk to you alone..?” I asked. She looked up and smiled a bit. “Sure”. What is going on in her mind? She was looking fine – even smiling, but I could see something behind her façade. Something isn’t right.

I bit my lip. I should have just come her for the instructions…

This would be much less awkward if I didn’t have feelings for her… I would dare to think about asking her to be my girlfriend. I wouldn’t care if a creature like Tyler is living with her, here where I can’t. Maybe we should just pretend nothing ever happened between us. Like the kisses. The fights… Everything.

“All done” she said when we were done eating. Suddenly her head turned towards Tyler. “Jeremy wants to speak with you, he is at the entrance”.

“You don’t have to lie, I’ll just give you two some privacy..” he said and got up.

She smiled. “Jere is at the entrance”. Tyler blushed and left quickly, while we calmly got up. “What did you want to talk about?” she started walking, and I followed her.

“Well” I said “It’s about… us two” the hallways seem so long, I need to see her in the eyes.

“Us?” she asked.

“Yeah” I bit my lip and hoped she would understand. I don’t want to give the full explanation.

The door opened to her room. She closed it behind me, and stood staring at me, like I was some wild animal.

“What do you… want to talk about… about us two?” she asked. I bit my lip and took a deep breath.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend? Are you my girlfriend?” The questions came out in the wrong order. She smiled at me for a second before sitting on her bed. “I just…” she fell backwards on the bed and was laying smilingly. “I hoped you wouldn’t do this right now…” She took a deep breath and took my hand while getting up in a sitting pose again. “Sorry – but I don’t want to answer your question right now.” As she got up she gave me a kiss, making me almost fall back.

“You can’t jus-“ I started.

She laughed. “I’m sorry Adrian… but right now why are you coming with this?”

“Because I can’t sleep at night. I don’t know what our relation is and-“

“And if I die, you would like to have known?” She ended my sentence, without looking at me “That is rather selfish…”

I bit my lip. I know… But I can’t do anything else. I will like to know.

“Please” I grabbed her arm and pulled her into mine.

“Tell me” I whispered in her ear.

I could hear her take a deep breath. “Do you really want to know?”

“What is your answer?”

“I see you as…” she took a deep breath “My boyfriend”.

The smile got wider, as I bended down and kissed her. “Really?” She looked at me. “You shouldn’t be smiling, we’re breaking laws right now…”

“I know, and I can’t be happier!”.


Tyler tells…

He was standing in the door looking down in the ground. Not a smile on his lips, not even when his eyes met mine.

“We should discuss this” he said. What is happening between us? My heartbeat started raising until I saw the letters in his hand.

“What is it?” I asked. He started walking outside the door, making me follow him, to the garden and the trees.

“Rachael made me search for her mothers lover-“ he started “I found these. They are love letters…”

He handed me them, and I opened one. It was from her mother, saying how she couldn’t bear the thought of not being together with who-ever this man was.

“Discuss these?” I asked “What is the problem with them?”.

He took a deep breath. “I have watched Rachael grow from a little baby, into this teenager with emotional problems. She have always had this problem, and she have never handled things like betrayal well. It can’t be healthy for her to see these letters”. I took a deep breath and looked at the letter in my hand. “Betrayal… but Jeremy… she know what her mother did”.

“This is different!” his hand hit the letters. “These letters are prove that this heartless woman that have never been sweet to her own daughter is capable of loving another person, without trying to gain something from it”. He took a deep breath, and sat down on a bench. “If Rachael knows… that her mother is capable of loving another person, she would start questioning why she doesn’t love Rachael. And it would break her heart to know the truth”. As he placed the letters beside him and took both hands to his face, I got down and realized his age. He is tired.

“Why… Why doesn’t her mother love her?” I asked, as I placed arm around him, in a try to calm him down.

“I’m sorry, but I swore an oat never to tell anyone” he said as he looked down into the ground. My heart started to beat. More secrets – why can’t this family keep all their cards in a bundle together?

“It’s okay” I said “Do you want my opinion?”

He looked at me for a second with wonder in his eyes, before smiling and nodding.

“This family is bound by secrets” I pointed at a window “This family is actually like a window. Without all the stones it’s a nice big loving family, but with the stones, cracks appear. Someday all the cracks will make the window fall apart” He glanced at me for a second before looking in the ground again. “So you are saying I should tell her?”

“Not right now – but later” I said “I don’t think there should be more on her mind right now… she have to focus on the marking”. The moon was shinning down on us, and looking good in his hair. I bit my lip and looked down in the ground.

“You’re right” he said “No matter what I can’t give her these right now”.

“I have something I wanted to ask you about” I started. The marks on her body, if it’s me, I’ll get my own room today.

“What is it?” he smiled as he looked into my eyes.

“I have noticed” I started “Rachael and I sleep together, and during the night she wakes up. I just calm her down, and don’t ask, but I’m starting to get worried”.  He looked surprised at me for a second, then he nodded. “Anything else?”.

“There is marks on her body” My finger followed around my own “Like she is bleeding from the inside. I have found tissues under the bed, dripping red with blood, and a stain on the bed as well” He looked shocked at me for a second, then he took the letters, and started running. I followed him, to see him place the letters in his own room, before running towards hers. I ran after him. “The marks” he said running “Is Vytma”.

“What is that?” I asked confused and breathless.

“Dream marks”. I stopped in the doorway, but he didn’t. He ran right to her, and tore her T-shirt up, so he could see them. “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THESE?” he was yelling angrily at her, her face was stunned in terror. Then she waked up. “YOU CAN’T HELP ME ANYWAY!”

“WHY? WHY DO YOU HAVE THESE?”. Tears was staring to run down her cheeks, even though she hadn’t even answered yet.

“Because” she started calm “Be-because you don’t understand. I’m not like you Jeremy, and I have never b-been. You can’t help me get rid of these. N-nobody can”. I could see him getting more and more angry, at last he ran out the door, pushing my shoulder a bit back. I took a deep breath. Rachael had leaned back at her books and sunken down on the floor, while crying, with her arms around her legs. “Rachael” I started and walked down to her, and hugged her. She didn’t hesitate, she swung her arms around my neck and cried, without forcing me to talk more. Knowing not a word I would say could make it better, I kept my mouth shut. She didn’t complain, she didn’t talk either. She just cried, while I hold around her.

“Don’t cry” I tried just to make her think about something else. “I don’t think anyone in this castle likes to see an angel cry”.

She laughed, without the tears stopping, and without a word the cry slowly died, and a stable breathing started instead. She had fallen asleep. I carried her to the bed, laying her on her half and found the garbage can. There is no reason for the bloody papers to stay there anymore. I cleaned under the bed and found some paper, and placed beside my side. I turned off the lights, and got in the bed. Sleep well Rachael. I kissed her on the forehead and crawled under the duvet.


I woke up, Rachael was shaking as usual. She do that before waking up. I removed the duvet, and looked at her. The bleedings began as her eyes opened. With the paper in my hand I tore a piece for her and one for me, and we started to dry it off. The holes had healed quickly, but a lot of blood had already left her. When done, I could see blood wasn’t the only thing running down her skin.

“Don’t cry” I begged, and hugged her again.

“I’m s-s-sorry” she said “I don’t mean t-too”

“What is it?” I asked “Jere called it a Vytma”. She nodded.

“It’s a…” she seemed so tired for a moment, that she had to take a break. “It’s a sickness for ferike lighters… If you get a wound in a dream, and you live yourself enough into that dream…. You get the wound from it” she tapped carefully on the marks.

“Have you ever had these before?” She nodded. “When I had nightmares about Jere”.

I looked at her for a while. Her cheeks was still red from the crying, and her eyes wet.

“What is it now?” I asked. She took a deep breath. “It’s Laina… she was my first”.

I stared at her for a while. “My first kill” she said. First kill? Don’t Lighters usually kill from a must earlier age?

“But haven’t you killed other creatures?” I asked.

“Not one with a mind of a person, instead of a surviving brain”. I hugged her.

“And it’s haunting you?” I asked. She nodded, while crying out in my arms. “I really wish I hadn’t done it”.


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