Holding My Breath

This is the second movella in the series, to read the first one go to:
:D Sorry about the bad grammar! :D Hope you enjoy


23. A fire soul

“They are late” She noticed “I hope they won’t bother with the papers at the party”. I looked at her, surprised. I don’t see her as the person who would hate that kind of party.

“You can go up and get ready” I told her “You can always wear a rope if you aren’t done…”

She nodded and went up the stairs. I sat in the kitchen for a while, looking at Vergile being irritated, but he wouldn’t say it out loud. Saying “She should have died” Would make mom smack him with a spoon or something. I laughed a bit for myself, as I pictured it for me. I should get ready too… I sighed and walked up the wooden staircase.

I hate wearing uniform, it feels so tight – So wrong. Like it isn’t me who is in it. It doesn’t feel good at all. I took my underwear and went to the bathroom, I opened up the door and stared.

“S-Sorry!” I turned around, and wanted to look away.

“Don’t be” I turned around again, only to see her smiling. She was sitting on the toilet, but in a towel, she was soaping her legs.

“I should have locked the door” She noticed “It’s not your fault”.

“You’re…. calm considering your naked” I noticed. She looked down herself, to then smile at me. “I’m not naked, I’m wearing a towel”.

“But nothing under” I noticed.

She suddenly laughed and stood up. “Are you saying your aren’t naked under your clothes?”

I was confused for a second, then I got her point. “Oh –well”

The soap on her left leg was beginning to slowly run down her leg.

“Close the door” she suggested “You need to shave, don’t you?” I locked the door, and walked to the sink. I took of my shirt and took my soap out.

“Normally you wouldn’t be so calm with me in here… would you?” I asked her.

I could hear her make a little laughing outburst. “Adrian, “ My name sounds so sensual in her mouth. “I haven’t been alone with you in a looooooong time. I miss it” I heard her got up, and I could feel her holding around me. I smiled for a bit, before turning around and kissing her. Her lips against mine made me remember why I wanted her away from this trial… this horror filled nightmare.

“I miss that too” I told her. She smiled “Since you have a stone bath in the corner, I can shower, while you shave-“

She walked past the corner and turned it on. “Gulp” I said when she threw the towel on the floor.

“Didn’t you forget to… shave your legs?” I asked her, with my own knife in hand.

“I’m a wind lighter, Adrian” She noticed “I can cut ‘em off without a knife”. Suddenly I felt ridicules. I have so many times been in a bathroom with a girl before, and yet I behave like it’s my first time.

“Good” I told her “I don’t want you to mess up the party”.

My eyes followed my movements in the mirror.

“I look so tired” I noticed.

“… Do you have any bandages .out here?” She asked.

“No” I told her “Why?”.

She sighed. “Just… old wounds acting up”.

I tried remembering where Vergile have them, but I had to give up.

“I have some in my luggage,” she noticed “when you are done shaving… couldn’t you get them?”

I smiled for myself for a second. “Sure”. I rubbed the soap on my face and started shaving. This feels weird but natural at the same time. I wish I could be more calm though. It feels like I’m blushing and trying to not think about what she is doing right now. She is in water. So close to me. I blushed and looked down in the sink. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. I bit my lip, as I could feel the water in the shower. It was mixed with something… soap and… blood?

Just… old wounds acting up. I couldn’t feel how much was blood, but there was a great bit.

“I’ll go out for the bandages” I told her.

“Kay”. She sounded calm. My finger unlocked the door, and I walked out without shirt on, to her room. In the corner, her luggage was laying, spread over the floor, and in the suitcase. I messed a bit round in it, before finding the bandages. Normally it wouldn’t be this big… or this thick. I sighed and walked back to the bathroom. I locked the door after me. “These are some big bandages-“ I noticed. “It’s fine” She told me. I laid them on the sink, and sat on the closed toilet. She stopped the water, and took another towel. She walked out, and I quickly went into the shower. There was blood, still running into the drain. I sighed and turned on the water after stripping the rest of my clothing off.

“There is a lot of blood in here-“ I noticed

“I’m fine” she said.

I leaned up against the wall and washed my body, and hair.

Sometimes I think you never are”. I mumbled for myself. When done I took my towel and folded around my body before walking out of the corner.

She was standing in a silk robe, making a bondage around her stomach. The rope was open, and she was only wearing underwear. I wanted to look away, at the same time I wanted to stare. Not to be a creep – just to see her wounds.

“PFF” She said annoyed as the bondage fell down.

“You aren’t good at that, are you?” I asked her, and walked closer. She sighed and looked in the mirror.

“Let me help you, take that one off” I found some underpants at the same time, and took them on, so I could stand without holding around the towel.

When I looked at her, she looked tired. There were red wounds al around her body. My heart sank to the bottom of the sea, they weren’t just red. Around the wound was first red, then purple, then blue, and then green. Her stomach looked terrible.

“How long have you..?” I asked her, and took the bondage, and started to lay it out over the wounds.

“A while” She answered.

“During the trial?”


I sighed and made sure it was done as good as I could. I was happy with the result. “How did you get it?”

“Ferike sickness” she answered and looked into the mirror. “Caught it before… it will pass sooner or later”.

I know those wounds – those are stab wounds.

“Don’t lie, they are stab wounds-“ She looked at me for a second then she smiled. “Ferikes dreams are a crazy thing Adrian. This sickness make whatever happens in my dreams, happen to my body”.

It hit me suddenly why she dislikes sleep so much. I flung my arms around her, and forced her into a hug. “I….”

She didn’t answer, she just waited a bit.

I finally let her go, and her cheeks was red.

“The bracelet I got from … It made sure I couldn’t dream” She told me “But it was destroyed, and he can’t replace it”.

With that she took the robe around her, and walked out, I saw Vergile in the door and he looked at me, then her, then me again, then he looked angry. “What where you two doing in there?!”

I opened my mouth and wanted to answer, instead I closed the door in panic and locked it up good. Happy to know she was already out of his range of fire.


At dinnertime, when we were all sitting right next to each other, Vergile had told about Rachael and I being in the bathroom together to mom and Dad. Dad was the same as usual (“You go tiger!” – Followed by a high-five) Mom was more disapproving. I wouldn’t tell we didn’t do anything, mostly because this way they maybe accept it more. Rachael was still sitting in her robe, and I’m pretty sure she was still not wearing anything else under it.

Knock, Knock, Knock. The door was loudly being hit.

“I’ll get it” she said and left the table. As soon as she was out of the room, the eyes turned to me.

“What were you to doing in there?” Mom asked.

I sighed and started explaining bits and pieces.


Rachael tells…

He came in, and I sat down with him in the living room. He was the same young guy from earlier, he explained that the others didn’t have time. “So they are afraid of coming here, huh?” I asked him. He blushed and I smiled at bit for myself. Maybe I shouldn’t be so mean towards him.

“Here” He placed it on the table. It had gotten a lot more bigger. But Bigger doesn’t always equal better. I read it through, and smiled to him. “This is much better –but there is still some issues…” With him I started to go through it, and in the end he changed it according to my ideas. When done, I signed it, and told him to bring it to the king. He left, and I sat down, for a while. Resting in the couch. I closed my eyes for a second, just to relax. Someone bumped down besides me, and I looked at him. Adrian was in these fancy pants and a white dreamy shirt. I took his hand and rested my head on his shoulder for a while.

“The party will begin soon” He noticed. I didn’t answer, I didn’t really want to move.

“Can’t we ditch it?” I asked him after some time. He laughed. “You are the guest of honor…”

But I don’t want to be, I just want to go home. I didn’t answer him, and just relaxed a bit on his shoulder. After some time, he threw me up to get proper dressed. I looked in the mirror and sighed when I saw myself.

“I guess being a white lighter aren’t that different to being the dark lighters daughter” I noticed when I saw the emptiness in my eyes, recognized by my eyes, even though they haven’t seen it, in a while. I closed the doors to my inner, and took the only throne I can sit on, when playing such a dangerous game. I hate these kind of things. As I looked in the mirror, the emptiness wasn’t the only thing that hit me. I have to behave, I have to tie myself down, and I have to act nice. No matter what. I looked in the mirror again and again, to see if anything else that what I already saw had changed. My eyes were as empty as always, and my smile as fake as the accusations against my father. I opened op the door with a smile, and went downstairs. Neither his mom or dad talked to me, so I guess I’m doing it…. Making people go away. I wished it work on everybody.

“So…. Ready?” Adrian was behind me, I turned my head and looked at his uniform self. He was smiling, and somehow didn’t look irritated. Don’t he hate things like these?

We went after that… we took the horses, and rode during the wonderful lighter night. The castle was shining so bright, I felt it impossible to see the sweet stars.

“Are you ready?” Adrian asked me when we got close to the gate of the kingdom.

“Yes” I answered him, and raised my chin as dad has taught me. We rode through the dead streets, and left the horses in a dark and smelly corner. When we entered, the castle was too bright for my eyes. I could barely see anything at first, but as my eyes became use to the light I could see. The shining hall had some golden couches here and there, some tables with some drinks and small food kinds. I know almost no one here. I sighed and Adrian led me to a couch that where free.

“I wonder how they want to-“ To late, his answer had been found before he could even ask the question. The king was heading this way – he had seen us enter. As he neared us, I got up from my sitting, and did a little bow with my head towards him.

“Enjoying your freedom?” he asked me with a smile, knowing how I would react. I smiled. “Yes”.


Adrian tells…

Goldilocks was staring at her again, myself I would like to punch him but I can’t do that right now. Rachael on the other hand doesn’t seem to be in a very good mood. She is smiling, but I’m not feeling it. I sat down in the couch again, when the king asked for a dance. She laughed and said yes, before heading towards the slow moving dancing floor.

Most people was looking, and checking it out. Mostly because they look so much like enemies the entire trial.

“Hey soldiar-boy” That accent! I turned around, and she jumped towards me and hugged me.

“I Heard you got yourself a troublemaker’?” she asked, with the rest of the crew in the back.

“It’s been so long since I last saw you!” I hugged her, and the rest of the boys joined.

“You have been here all that time, and not once visited!” She looked annoyed. I smiled and looked in the ground. “I have been busy”

“Don’t give me that crap! You have done nothing this marking!” She noticed and pointed at me.

“You’re right” I smiled “Sorry” We all sat down, and they told me about the hard assignments they had gotten lately. Big dangerous creatures – more and more in worlds that they shouldn’t be in.

“So that’s your assignment huh?” Trixie asked, she was looking at Rachael who was standing with a fine glass of something in her hand, and laughing at some old guys joke.

“She looks soooo hot” Benjamin noticed. “I would defiantly hit that-“

“I wouldn’t” Trixie answered “I heard royalties are boring in the sax”.

A small discussion started out. They started talking about who they had hooked up to before at this party. Trixie was sitting with a glass of something right next to me, and looking over my shoulder as I followed Rachael with my eyes.

“She looks hot, though…” Trixie leaned in on me, and made me smell her perfume. “Tell me, are you together with her?” I laughed and looked at her. “Are you crazy? I wouldn’t ask for the position as her protector if that was the case-“

Then I looked at her again. She was standing talked with these old pigs. They look so old they could be dusted off! One by one they came and grabbed her for a dance on the floor. Rachael always manage to dance with her glass in one hand though. After an half hour, of my friends talking, and her dancing, she went outside on the balcony. Before I had a chance to get up, a stranger – a man in his twenties – walked out to her. Me – wanting to talk with her – got up and was ready to go out to her, when the stranger jumped up on the railing, and jumped down, to disappear out of sight. She was still standing there, calm and relaxed as she looked out.

“Rachael” I smiled and went out to her. She was yawning a bit.

“M-hm?” She barely looked at me, she looked dead in her eyes.

“Are you alright?” I asked “You seem so…. Distant”

She smiled and looked back at the party. “If you want to survive a party like this, you have to be… I’m used to it Adrian. Don’t worry ‘bout it”

“Who…?” I looked in the darkness of night after a shadow that couldn’t be seen.

“Jeremy” she answered “He sneaked in, so he could say hello”.

I was confused.


She smiled a bit. “Jeremy is just as sneaky as I am Adrian. Don’t worry ‘bout it”. I gave up talking to her, and went back to the table. Trixie had received a working letter. Though the others told her ‘not the right time’, she opened it up, and suddenly looked pissed.

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