I woke with a sharp pain in my head. My arms were aching, stained red, from my most recent attempt. I looked around the room. The pale walls lined with dark cracks, looking as if inside them were the deepest, darkest chasms; much like my ever shrinking soul. There was no one around. I let her head fall back onto the pure white pillow and took a deep breath. Although I had done it before, multiple times, I had never been admitted into a mental hospital. Shows how much they care huh. A nurse came in to check on me and as she saw me awake, she turned back and grabbed a paper cup with two round pills in. The nurse stepped towards the bed and gave me the cup. I quickly tilted her head up with the cup just enough for the pills to roll into the back of my throat. I gagged a bit when I closed my mouth. I was used to it though. As I swallowed, the door swept open and the corner of another bed was strolled into the room by the same nurse and set beside me. I lifted my head slowly and looked over my shoulder. It was a boy around the same age as my. He had dark, fluffy, blond hair and a bandage on his nose. He also had surprisingly long eyelashes. I realised that when he woke up and almost screamed out, that his bottom eyelashes were about the length of my top ones. And when he looked to me, there was pure awe plastered to his face. He then looked down at my arm. His expression dropped and he sunk back into his bed.
"You're to pretty to be here." He said, deadpanned. I looked at him in shock and my eyebrows furrowed. I opened my mouth to speak but closed it again. My arm was hanging over the edge of the ward bed, so the boy grabbed it and gawked at the countless number of scars. "These are amazing. I never had the guts to do it but I guess that was a good thing." I pulled her arm away and huddled up into the thin blanket the hospital provided. "I'm Ash. Ashton. Actually. Ashton Irwin. I turned 19, 4 months and 2 days ago. And I tried jumping off a building this morning then nearly shot my nose off. And you?"
I smiled and turned back to him. "Maia. 17, 18 on Tuesday and I swallowed a whole bottle of pills and ripped my arm open today at 4am." I stuck out my hand into the gap between the two beds. Ashton did so too and our hands met. Cold and stiff, our hands shook delicately, to avoid hurting either one of us. We pulled our arms back and sat in silence for a long while.
I couldn't sleep. I had counted all the cracks on the walls. Even the ones that come out of the bigger ones. Exactly 372. I reached to my left side, where I usually kept my bedside table with my favourite books on it. It wasn't there. Of course, I only realised when I looked over to see a desert orchid in a lilac vase. I sighed. And a bit too loud for my liking. And I guess Ashton had heard me because he started humming. I recognised it a bit, but I wasn't sure. So I looked back up to try and listen to him. But then I realised; he wasn't humming. He was singing. He was singing my favourite song. I only knew, right when he sang the last verse.
"She finishes the vows but, the beeps are getting too slow,
His voice is almost too low,
As he says, I love you forever, forever and always,
Please just remember even if I'm not there,
I'll always love you, forever and always"
It was the same thing Aidan had sang to me while we were engulfed with trying to cover up my suicide attempt. Wow.
I closed my eyes and bit my lip to stop me from making a noise. A single tear shed from my eye. Ashton turned and sat up on the edge of his bed. He stumble over the few feet that separated our two beds. He wiped my cheek and I shuffled over, allowing him to sit on the brink of the bed.
"What's up?" He asked me, faintly.
"Nothing. Just go to sleep." I had a feeling that that sounded a bit mean. Shit, no. I didn't want him to think of me as rude and mangy! "Sorry. That- that sounded mean. Sorry."
"No, no. It's fine. I should really. Get. To. Sleep." He murmured. "Goodnight, Maia." And with that, he got back into his ward bed and drifted to sleep.
"Goodnight Ashton." I laid back and closed my eyes. Trying to sleep. Then in a matter of minutes, I was out.