I do not need anyone.
I am alone.
All I need is myself and I.
I am strong yet I am weak.
I am already too broken to be fixed.
Strolling down the empty, dark hall, I stopped in front of my locker. The school looks much creepier at night then it is at day, though I wouldn't care less. Right now, all I need is my assignments I have forgotten in my locker because of someone.
Sighing heavily, I typed in the passcode and with a 'click' the locker unlocked. Books, books, and more books.
My locker isn't exactly the cleanest one in school. Dirts covered the bottom part of the locker and the top part is stuffed with trash from the rubbish bin. Well, you guys are probably thinking why I'm such a unhygienic person, but the title of my diary gave the answer to that question.
"I'll clean it tomorrow." I whispered to myself as I threw in all the assignments into my bag. I double checked the locker to make sure I didn't leave any more assignments before slamming the locker door shut and once again sneaked out of the school.
I have been doing this for more than ten times now, and I hated it. Wasting my precious time just to walk back to school to get my homework. What a drag.
--------- skip the trip home ----------
Being as stealthy and soundless as I could, I fished out the house key from my pocket and unlock the front door. I scanned the dark living room, and hopefully didn't make too much noise to wake my dad. I have a fear of parent, probably because my dad always beat the living shit out of me. When I made sure that I'm safe, I let out a sigh of relief and tiptoed to my room.
The moment I walked into my room, the scent of alcohol and sweat struck my nose. The heat was intense due to the over-heated heater. I switched on the light and found my dad passed out on my bed, naked. Turning off the heater, I took my blanket and covered him with it.
I shook my head slightly and poured out all my assignments onto my table. I turned off the light and on the table lamp before beginning my study session. Normally, I start studying at around 12 AM, probably because it's quiet and peaceful or maybe my brain just works better at midnight, but tonight it's impossible for me to concentrate on my homework because of my dad's deafening snores. I spent more than twenty minutes fighting between the decision of studying in the stinky kitchen or just sleep. Finally lost to the decision of sleeping, I grabbed a jacket from my closet and settled down on the couch in the living room. Not long after, the world of dream took over me.
---------- time skip to morning ----------
"Fuck." I screamed as my head landed painfully on the freezing marble floor. I hate winter and most of all I hate cold.
I just had to bold and italic that sentence to show how much I fucking despise it.
Rubbing my 'probably bruised head', I looked at my watch.
Still very, very early and I'm already wide awake, plus It's just too cold for me to laze on the couch. Deciding to have a jog, I started preparing for it, until,
"Lenz!!! Where the fuck are you?!" I heard my dad yelled. "I want my beer and I want it fucking now!"
"Right! Coming!" I replied, wincing at the loudness. He is mad and I'm gonna get beat up again.
Soon I arrived in front of my room with a couple of canned beers, and with a knock the door immediately flung open.
"Took you long enough." My dad grumbled as he snatched the beers from my hands. I stared at my dad's muscular body and back to his handsome face. I have to admit, my dad is quite good-looking, but he is a wolf in disguise. "Are you falling for your own dad?" He smirked as he gulped down a couple of mouthful and threw the empty beer can at me. The can caught me on my face.
"No." I simply replied, but who would have thought it angered him.
In a flash of a second, I was painfully pinned onto the floor by my dad.
"What did you say? How could you not fall for me?" He hissed into my ear. As I said, my father is a wolf in disguise. His split-personalities and mood-swinging are what freak me out the most. He can be very kind a second ago and turns into a wolf almost immediately. "Do you know how much I fucking hates you?" He screamed as he dug his nails into my arm, breaking the skin. I cried out in pain. "I hate you so fucking much I can kill you over and over again!"
He grabbed me by my hair and slammed my head onto the floor, but luckily no broken nose. At least I don't think so.
"Because of you Kate died. You should have never been born! If you didn't we would still be living happily ever after!" He abruptly stood up.
Ouch. Those words literally pierced through my heart, but what can I do about it? It's my fault and I can't deny it.
"You're fucking worthless. Useless! Do you understand me? YOU ARE FUCKING, FUCKING USELESS!" His screams were filled with pain, anger, and much more that I couldn't make out.
I let him hit me as much as he wants. I have no right to go against him. Soon, cuts and bruises covered my legs, arms, and body.
"Do you know it pains me so much to see you hurt, but you deserve all these beatings." He said shakily as he slowly took me into his embrace. "I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Forgive me?"
Someday, I'm going to take father to hospital to get his head checked and just hope that they will somehow fix it.
My dad picked me up the bridal style and threw me onto the bed, hard, with that he left the room and soon came back with a medical kit.
"Just fucking lie there and let me treat you." He growled.
"I'm not going anywhere in this condition." I chuckled softly, wincing slightly as he applied some alcohol on my cuts.
"Close your eyes and just breathe, 'cause this is gonna hurt."
"Do you know you have a little mental problem?" I asked softly.
"I know... Sometimes it's as if someone else is controlling my body and I just watch myself beating you up in a distance. I'm so sorry."
Okay, that's the sign that I should bring him to the hospital soon. I don't want my father to fucking go crazy on me, like just now. I should work extra shift on my part time job again.
My part time job pays me $5.30 an hour and I'm working from 3pm to 10pm. So, it's paying me about $1150 a month. With the little money my mother left for us and some of my dad's saving before he got mad was enough to cover the house expenses every month, but I have to think about what to do when those money are used up. My salary is enough to cover the food expenses and my school fees, plus we don't eat a lot.
"Just chill, dad. I'm gonna save enough money soon, and let's go to the hospital to see if they can fix that head of yours." I said as calm as possible, but with my dad rubbing on my bruise it came out quite harshly. "Ouch, could you be more gentle?" I painfully grinned, making my dad flinch and instantly apologised.
"Apology accepted." I laughed. I love my dad and I forgives him every time he goes crazy. He didn't mean it anyways, so why bother hating him?
"Okay, what is this big bruise on your thigh?" He asked with a big frown on his face. "Clearly this isn't made by me, I don't recall hitting you on your thigh. So who did this to you?"
"U-um... No one actually, I just tripped. I guess I was a little clumsy." A white lie. I did trip and fall, but it wasn't because I was clumsy, it's more like I was a ball being thrown, and kicked around.
"This fucking sucks. I don't believe you." He hissed in frustration, not buying my lie at all. Rolling up a handkerchief, he stuffed it into my mouth. "You'll fucking need this while I work on this fucking bruise, ain't gonna go easy on ya."
This is going to hurt damn lot.
--------- after the agonising period and breakfast ----------
Purple jacket with a hood over my head and a black sleeveless inside it. Leave green cargo pants and a normal red sneakers. These is my basic set of clothing I wear everyday. My light blonde hair covered my face, hiding my natural red eyes, which is covered by brown contacts. I have no idea how I was born with these unusual eye colour, but to avoid any conflict I'm forced to cover it.
My whole body was sore, but still I need to prepare for school.
School + work = hell.
I practically dragged myself out of the house. Being able to drag myself out of the house was better than what I have expected myself to do, plus I look like shit with gauze covering up most parts of my body. Arms, legs, feet, etc. I will probably be the joke of the school. Again.
I sighed, not wanting to think about it anymore.
When will I ever be free from all those bullies? Probably never.
"Isn't that The mummy girl?" An irritating voice shrieked. "Always covered in bandages, I bet she cuts herself. Disgusting." Without bothering to see who it was, I ignored it and continue walking. I do not want to cause myself any unnecessary troubles, I already have tons of it.
"Don't you dare ignore her!" This time it wasn't the annoying shriek anymore, it's a rather manly voice.
Without realising, I halted. Stupid Lenz. Why the hell did you stop for? Just fucking move. No matter how I urged my body to move, it just don't. I already looked like a mummy, and after a few minutes later I'm gonna be a bloody mummy.
Fuck my life.