I try to rebel the Abnegation rules whenever I can. Wearing the wrong clothes at home, wearing mascara and eyeliner to school, letting my hair down any time I can, dying my hair red, things like that.
At the biblical study, I didn't stand when I was instructed, didn't sing the hymns, and rolled my eyes at everything they said. It's my attempt at trying to be normal. Not this boring, selfless, wannabee perfectionist my mom wants me to be.
As soon as we got home, I tore my hair from its tight bun while I ran upstairs. I took off the ugly clothes as quickly as I could, and pulled out a box under my bed. I looked inside.
It had 8 more pairs of sweatpants, all splattered differently, some with words or my name. It also had different shirts. A lot of them are cropped, some baggy and long-sleeved. The last three things that were in there were a mirror I stole that's about the size of my hand, sketch books and pencils, and a bag with makeup in it that I also stole. It had a tube of mascara, a tube of eyeliner, and a lot of nude eye shadow. I can't wear much else without getting caught.
I pulled on the clothes I was wearing before, the sweatpants and crop-top. I layed on my bed and looked around my room. It was mostly gray and white but I managed to smuggle some lime green paint in, and I painted a wall before I ran out. I call it my "True Me" wall. I put up pictures, and I draw stuff and put it up there.
I want to be an artist, but my mom says I'm being "selfish" and that's not an "Abnegation" But I think I'm really good actually. I mostly draw myself, using my hand held mirror. I draw myself in other factions. How I would look, what I would do, who I would be.
I am excited for the Choosing Ceremony. To be in a faction were I truly belong and to see my parents looks of disgust as I move over to another faction. The problem is I don't know what to choose.
I grab a pencil and paper and start writing out my ideas.
I cross off Abnegation first, no way I'm staying here. I also cross of Erudite, no way I'd be smart enough to go there.
I take a look at my paper. I am not good at lying, so I could do Candor if I wanted. I could probably do Dauntless, I'm not scared of doing reckless stuff, and I love their outfits. I don't know about Amity though, doesn't sound like me. I cross it off.
I set the pencil and paper on my nightstand. I'll think about this more tomorrow. I still have two weeks until the Choosing Ceremony.