*2 weeks later*
I smiled at my new group of friends before waving them off as I got on the subway. As soon as I was seated the smile vanished and was replaced with a frown.
I've already been living in New York for about a week and it's been quite lonely. I'm happy that I've made new friends at my dance school but the lonely and empty feeling haunts me.
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Once I reach for it and see the message the smile reappears.
We'll be in New York in a couple hours. I can't wait to see you!
That lonely feeling vanishes and I couldn't be anything other than happy.
After replying back and riding the subway for another 20 minutes I arrive at my loft. It was pretty spacious especially with a floor to ceiling window that I just adored.
Throwing my stuff on the couch I headed over to the window to watch the city below. I was so excited to see Luke again. After everything back in London with him sending me way because of my safety I was more than ready too see him. Long distance was extremely hard even though it was going to eventually happen after my two weeks ended. It was just sad that I didn't get to say any longer because of the fans.
I heard the doorbell ring for my loft making me furrow my eyebrows.
Once I was at the door and opened it, I was engulfed in a tight hug, the familiar scent of my boyfriend lingered around me only making me melt internally. I couldn't help but wrap my own arms around his waist as I stuffed my head into his chest.
"Luke, what're you doing here?"
He pulled away slightly to look at my face. "I wanted to surprise you by coming here earlier." He smiles, placing a hand against my cheek. "God, I missed you so much and it's only been 2 weeks."
I could feel tears blurring my eyes. "I missed you too."
I guide Luke over to the couch so we could take a seat. Once we're seated, Luke pulls me into his lap, his head laying in the crook of his neck.
"How long will you be in New York?" I could feel his arms tightening around my waist at the question. Of course it would bother him. But I had to know before he's gone once again.
"Only for 3 days. The concert is tomorrow and we'll be leaving Thursday afternoon."
I can't help but want to cry. It feels like this relationship will never work out like this. I'm missing Luke so much that it disrupts my life. How can I live at all?
I pull away to look at him. He has bags under his eyes, and he's looking a little pale but other than that he looks okay. I brush his fallen bags out of his eyes and give him my brightest smile.
"I'm happy you're here, I really am. But I've been thinking a lot over the past 2 weeks without you that maybe it'd be best to take a break."
Luke stares at me in confusion. "We've already gone down this path Emily. Let's not talk about this anymore, okay?"
I frown. "But this needs to be done. I want you to have the time of your life during this tour. This is your passion, remember? All those covers on youtube weren't for nothing right? You've always wanted to make this much more than just a hobby. Us being together during the next 8 months will be torture. I don't want you to suffer Luke. I want to to have fun. Do what feels like it's in the moment. And I'll be here in New York waiting."
By now I'm fully crying, each word coming out with a hiccup or me having to pause and wipe the tears because I couldn't see him properly.
Luke's silent for a good 5 minutes. I guess there's not much to say when he knows I'm right.
"You're gonna wait?" His voice trembles slightly making me want to hold him close.
"I'll always be waiting for you."
Luke sighs before pulling me closer, now crying into your chest. "I don't want this, Emily. Please, I won't break up with you."
I try to hold in my tears. "It's for the best, Luke. Long distance would've never worked out. I can't see us lasting any longer. Sooner or later one of us will slip up. I don't want to hurt you Luke."
"This isn't fair."
I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of seeing my best friend and the man I love crying. I hate how we won't have a happy ending but I'm glad he's here with me now and that he understands.
"I want you to know that I lov—"
I cut him off with a kiss. "Don't say it. It'll hurt even more."
He kisses me back, his own tears mixing with mine.
"This won't be easy. The second I'm gone I'll want you even more."
I laugh. "You have to stay strong. Don't give in."
"How do you stay so positive throughout this whole shitty situation?"
I shrug. "If I'm not the positive one, how will I ever make it through a day without you?"
Why couldn't we be normal people? Why does our relationship have to be so difficult?
"I wish I was as positive as you. Or a least half."
Luke pulls the both of us to lay on the couch to cuddle. His arms are around my waist as he plays with my ponytail.
"How are the boys?" I decide to change the topic. I notice how Luke smiles at the mention of his friends.
"They're great. And they miss you, especially Cal."
I chuckle. "I was talking to him yesterday!"
He laughs as well. "He would've came here with me today but I begged him to give us some alone time."
"That was nice of him."
Luke stares at me fondly. "Are we just gonna ignore our problem, Em?" He strokes my cheek, the eye contact never breaking.
"Isn't it easier that way? Just to forget and live with it later. I much rather be happy with you now and cry about it once your gone. At least then I'll have your genuine smile to remember instead of tears in your eyes."
Luke sniffles. "I hate this," He looks at me, "I just want to be with you."
"Let's just forget about it now, please Lucas? I want you to kiss me as if nothing's wrong. Please."
Luke sadly nods before cupping my face. "I'll try, but if I start crying again please don't get upset."
I give him my best smile. "I won't."
When his lips met mine the opposite of what I thought would happen happened. Instead of crying my eyes, I continued to smile, laughing into the kiss and so did Luke. It was like we really forgot our problem in that moment. I was grateful.
I woke up the next morning feeling extreme confused. Why was I sleeping on the couch? And why did my pillow feel warm and inviting?
It didn't take long for me to figure out that Luke and I had fallen asleep on my living room couch. He looked absolutely adorable with his face burrowing into my chest. I wondered how long I could get way with staying until I remember that I had to get to class.
"Luke, wake up. I need to head to class and I'm sure your band is worried about you."
Luke resists by pulling me closer. "Fuck them. I wanna stay here with you. Please skip class baby. For me."
As much as I was tempted by his offer, I couldn't ditch class and he had his responsibilities for the tour.
I smiled down at his sleepy face, running my fingers through his bed head. "You know I can't. I have my responsibilities and so do you."
He sighs. "You're right." Luke sits up but suddenly pulls you into his embrace. "One day when our lives calm down and I can really be there for you, I promise to make you the happiest person in the world."
I smile as he nuzzles his face into my neck. "You already make me feel that way."
Luke groans hugging me tighter. "God, why do have to be away from the person I can't live without?"
"You'll get through this, I promise."
He looks down at you. "How are you so sure?"
"Because there's no one else I'd rather be with then you."