I'm 14, i have an older sister and brother, way older in their 20s. Hard because i dont get to see them much since they live in different states now.
Growing up and to this day my parents are hard on me. Not hard as some others in the world, but way harder then my friends parents. Like i go to their house and their moms will fill the water bottle up for them or take us to the mall. My parents dont do those little things. They have screaming fest at me at least once a day about how my life is a reck. I am 14. They say this because i dont workout, practice sports 24/7, study all the time, stuff like that. Always comparing me to my siblings and friends. If my siblings lived in my generation, they would be like me, but 10x worse.
My parents always yell at me for being on my phone which is understandable, but half the time i'm reading. They dont understand this generation. She always says i cant make youtube videos and stuff because even though she does not say it like that, she thinks their going to abduct me and stuff. I would never be able to go to LA for vidcon and such if i ever get famous on the internet which i think i could, they would never understand, i would have to lie, which i'm good at. This summer me and my friend want to go to two one direction concerts in Chicago. I will have to lie about at least one of them maybe both. She doesn't even let me go to the mall on fridays with my friends. Shes old too so she is suppose to care less. But i still lie about where i'm going.
They think i'm immature. I am not. I just have to care so much when i'm in a public place that i need time to relax, which is home. They also get mad because they think i'm too shy around people. I am not shy at all at school. But from people to the waiter to my uncle i barely see, i can get shy. I have never told anyone this but its because i dont want them to not like me. I find a lot of people annoying and i just dont want people to think that of me. I dont really know.
Thats why i stared crying before captains practice a week ago. I was scared they would all hate me. I was going to be the only an 8th grader but they said i could go. My good friend in 9th grade wanted me too. It was actually really fun. It taught me how to live this year though. They weren't mean to the freshman, they kinda just treated them like little kids and their leasers.
I went to orientation the other day too. It was pretty boring. They gave a speech about how the upper class man are excited to see us and they will help us. Ha, right. My friends that are freshman said they just chant that they suck. Cant wait. Also apparently most of the freshman like the grade below us more. Im friends with the lot of 9th graders now so i dont care but it hurts that they think the grade under us is more mature. They only say that cause the five main popular girls look old for their age.
I saw this cute guy from another school named Jack. Most girls dont know him except my friends cause he goes to a wired school but plays basketball. But this girl on my team goes their too and i have seen him at football games. Someone told him i thought he was hot at a game. But surprisingly he didn't ignore me. He would come up to people i was talking too and just stand. I'm getting to carried a way, he probably doesn't even know or like me but anyway i saw him, his cheeks are always red. I hope i have a class with him. I told Kylie the next day and she made it sound he was blushing for her. I wouldn't be surprised but honestly he doesn't know her.
I didn't see this other guy, nick t there. On ask.fm he said he would be their. I have seen his abs since his friend lifted his shirt up at a football game, twice. But what i can tell is hes a lady's man. And i also found on ask.fm that he doesn't know me and he likes julia. Well he didn't say like like but im sure he will. He also said Allie. Gag.
Theirs this one named Allie i used to be friends with. Shes in 7th grade. Shes still nice but shes a slut. Everyone likes her for her body. All the guys from other schools love her. The guys in our grade from my school dont though luckily since they have known her forever. I know guys from different schools and i here who they all like. I just laugh knowing they wont in a year.
I got a lot, sorta. Every single one i hated or didn't know a year or two ago. (except one) I think that tells a lot.
Emily: short, getting taller by the day. Long bright blonde hair, usually has a wave, pale, no makeup. Shy, nice, doesn't do anything bad. Have been best friends since kindergarden, no joke. Never in a really big fight. In 6th grade she got jealous because i was making new friends, then i introduced her to them. Now were all friends. She hangs with them without me sometimes though. It hurts since i showed them to her and she would not even be friends with them without me, then she doesn't even invite me sometimes. Were not really as close since i can tell she likes them more. Plays soccer. (Not on very good team)
Julia: short. Really curly short brown hair. Really outgoing, sweet and kind to everyone. Smart. Nice to everyone. Popular in our group, but she doesn't see it. We were bffs in 6th grade everyone was jealous. People think there friends with her because she is so nice but she is like that with everyone. Plays basketball and softball like me.
Cate: short, stringy kinda frizzy short blonde hair. She is loud and crazy. She will stick up for you if your her friend and will be nice to people who are nice to her. Get kinda annoyed by her at times. Plays basketball and softball like me.
Hannah: sorta tall, straight medium dark brown hair. Nice body. Hard worker. Funny and kind. She kinda is shy and likes to be with friends. Never in drama, bad at keeping secretes. Plays softball and basketball like me.
Kylie: long light brown straight hair. Shy to everyone she does not know. Sorta tall. Boobs and butt bigger then they appear. Lots of make up that looks natural. Edits pics a lot to look perf. She thinks shes better then everyone buy wont admit it. She is somehow one of the people i have grown closeted to. We hang a lot (not as much unless maya is there) we bond over similar interest, mostly famous people. She gets a lot of guys cause shes pretty, like first impressions, then after they get to know her not so much. She always ends up liking and getting the guys she knows i like, before or after me. She always says how guys dont like here when i know at least three, she does too. She acts perfect around guys, thats why they like her so much. She always says how much she eats and how she is not in shape when that is the opposite. Always goes to the mall and gets new clothes. Plays soccer (fancy team). Still one of my closest friend even how much she annoys me sometimes.
Maya: dirty blonde long hair. Pretty short. is Kylies clone. She used to sorta be a nerd, but just this summer her and kylie became twins. They wont admit it. They hang out all the time they have soccer together, wear the same thing. Have five classes together, walk to everything together, sit at lunch, everything. When ever i go over or she come here, Maya is always there. Plays soccer (same team as kylie) and lacrosse Still great friends with Maya.
Kendall: straight, think, medium, dirty shiny hair. Skinny and tall. I knew when i was little. Weren't good friends tell this year. (Boy issues we were like 11) best fiends with Erica. Sweet and sassy. Funny and crazy. Slaps when annoyed. Friends with a lot of people. Dad is the highschool football varsity head coach (he also happens to be my basketball coach) Plays basketball and volleyball.
Erica: dark brown, wavy medium hair. Sorta short. Big butt. All guys from different schools and grade love her. Sweet funny nice. She is perfect and popular but she has no idea. I used to hate her tell this year because i thought she was stuck up. She is the lead in the play (Gabriella in highschool musical) would be a great best friend but she is a little too nice and has Kendall and a few other sorta friends.
So everyone above and me usually hang on weekends when we can. Those are my closest friends.
Andrew, Eli. Anders, Jake, Ben, Daniel, Liam Luke, Mitchell, are all our guy friends from my school. They all sorta the same. None of them are attractive. (Except Mitchell he is perf but hasn't liked anyone and were to good of friends)
(None of my friends really like andrew and eli and they dont hang with us much anymore but i still like them)
Emily dated a guy a year older last year and is still friends with him. They kissed first on Halloween.
Julia dated this guy named Joey from a school thats close to us this summer. He was my good friend, but grew sorta apart when julia thought we were to close. They kissed a lot. She also sorta like this guy named James who is too much of a guy for me, barely talks to girl he thinks hes cool. Julia still really likes joey and she thinks he likes her a lot too but he doesn't as much.
Cate dated two of our guy friends and kissed them a few times. (Liam and Anders)
Hannah has never really had a boyfriend and never kissed anyone.
Kylie has had a thing with a few people and has kissed two different guys that are friends. (Anders and Ben)
Maya has been with our friend Liam for over 6 months. They make out a lot and hang out. I go to his games with her and Kylie. Their cute but she can do better
Kendall has never really dated anyone and never kissed anyone.
Erica has never dated or kissed anyone.
Courtney: short (like 4'10) old for my grade (could be in 9th) long straight brown hair. Big boobs for my size. People think i stuff and its annoying. I dont make a lot of things. (Student council, the A team for sports, not in advance classes like majority of my friends. Morning announcements, speaking part in play. Need i go on?)
i always like super hot guys but they always like my friends. Yeah not even other girls, always my friends. I never tell them how much i like the guys though so they dont notice. I used to flirt and stuff with guys from different schools, but now im just trying to be good friends with the guys from mine. No one knows what i feel. Like really knows me. Because no one cares.
I would rather read then watch tv starting recently. I work hard in school and such, not really good at test. I suck at math and spelling no joke as you can probably tell. I get teased a lot for my height, not smart and stuff. Not really suppose to get to me but it does. I dont really know how to explain myself.
I love my friends but they hurt me a lot when i dont get invited to hang out. I do a lot, sometimes more then others but just a few times, spur the moments i dont. And the few that go are always the same. Just makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong. I wont admit it to them, but i am excited for highschool, only because i get to meet new people.
I want to get a beat friend. Best friends dont hang with your other friends without telling you. Best friends dont pass you in the hall without saying anything. Best friends know when something is wrong, they help you. They want to be with you. Best Friends have to be mutual, they cant like someone over you. I haven't found one yet. Maybe Emily when we were younger but you dont really need one then. You didn't have the drama and stuff you have now.
I think thats one of the main reasons i cut. I have twice so far and have never told anyone. There not deep and only last for a couple weeks since i dont really know how to do it. I did right before writing this. I think to much. I just felt like no one liked me, they dont care. Im still looking for a best friend, hopefully i will find one some day.
Hopefully i will back soon, when something exciting happens!
(Sorry for spelling, grammar, punctuation. This is like my journal so i dont care!)