Exhaustion. What THAT can do to a person. What it can't do. Nothing can break a person like the inability to sleep.
Believe me, I've tried it all.
Anxiety, depression, pain. That all goes away when you fall asleep. But when even that escape is unavailable, you've got nothing.
I've got nothing.
I need to sleep. I need to get my nightly dose of semi-peace. And most of all, I need to stock up on energy, so that I can at least turn of the anxiety.
Just that I'd kill for. Just that I'd die for.
Anything to stop that ever-present awareness that something is wrong with me, that I am wrong. Everything I'd give to stop the pain from overwhelming my conscious mind. But I don't get to give anything, because I got nothing to offer.
If I can just sleep. Sleep would solve all the problems in the world, I am absolutely sure of it. Maybe soon, I will prove to be either right or wrong. Until then, I will keep counting the cracks in the ceiling.
Hush hush now.