Sometimes, life is hard and you just need to live.


1. Hunnington Beach

The gold numbers shined, blinding, as the setting sun hit them. Such a color brought out the deep black paint. It was either fresh, or this hotel was quite a high ranking. My boots banged against the black with gold swirls carpet, as I got closer to the room. My hands shook in my tight pockets.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Alazaye whispered her voice raspy from asking the same question every two minutes. My response always a single nod, which was probably why I got her doing that some many times. This time I end it.

 “Now, I don’t want him seeing me when opening the door. You go in first, and when I knock on the door minutes after, think you can answer?”

“Now it’s my turn to make you stop repeating yourself. I get it, okay? I’m just not sure why you would want to do this in the first place.”

“It’s just to visit an old friend.”

“An ex-boyfriend.” She muttered under her breath, as we reached his floor.

I gingerly stepped out, my legs shaking. Positive that Alazaye could see the long leather boots, and thigh-snuggling pants. I past Alazaye, and walked to the spiral staircase. Stepping up just a few to make myself out of sight. Looking down at the steps and squating to sit on them. Taking a deep breath, I listened to sound of her small knock. I could hear the sound of the door swing open, and Alazaye’s loud voice.

“Hi! Long how long has it been?” The sound of them hugging and patting each other on the back was loud and clear.

Then hearing his voice, the deepness and husky element to it. Made flashing before my eyes, remembering him the last day I saw him. Thinking that I would never see him, or speak to him ever again.

I stood, brushing off the invisible dust from my tight black pants. Taking more deep breaths, thinking that I was over exaggerating about this. Slowly going down the black carpeted stairs, and striding over to the door that had the numbers 1313. Knocking them quickly feeling my hair, checking to make sure it still had the lose ringlets surrounding my face.

There was a slight muffled, “Its alright, I got It.” and the door opened. Standing there was Alazaye, just like she promised she would do. Stepping in, I followed her inside and walked through the small hallway with one door on each side of me. Presuming a bathroom and the bedroom.

When walking into the living room, there he was. Leaning back against the couch, arms behind his head, and feet propped up on the glass coffee table. He was laughing, staring to the couch opposite of him. A man who I instantly remembered, just another person who used to be in our little group a few years back. He glanced over at me, then back to whatever they were discussing. Whipping his head back to me. I gave him a small smile and a lose nod.

My head turned, and there, his arms quickly lowering and pressing against the couch cushions. Legs falling from the small table.

“Sarah.” We all had to strain to know what exactly he was saying, as he was slowly getting up from the couch. Walking over to me, making slow and small steps.

He did the opposite of what I though he would do. He took me in a strong embrace. Just he doing that made a small tear runs from cheek.

“Harry.” I whispered, my arms wrapping around his neck. The tear fell, and landed on Harry’s bare shoulder. He pulled back just enough to see my face. The corners of his mouth slowly rose up, a small wry grin.

“It’s nice to see you again.” The huskiness of his voice made me want to slump in his arms from it being too much and overwhelming. Bring back all the good memories, a few of the bad. Finally letting him go, and walking to Niall. Leaning down, and giving him a tight, but not as long as Harry’s, hug.

“So what are we having?” My direction pointed towards to the small glasses on the coffee table filled with a golden liquid, as I plopped down on the couch, a safe distance from Harry.

“Well, we have scotch, but you can have whatever you want.” When he glanced over at me, his eyes twinkled.

I glanced around the room, to see where it was coming from, but Niall spoke.

“It’s in the bedroom.”

“Wait, are you telling me there is a bar in the bedroom? What kind of hotel is this? Tell me, so I know to say here.” I threw a warming smile to all three of them, receiving grins from all.

Before saying what I wanted, Harry was up, saying it already.

“Cherry Vodka. I got it.” He smiled.

“Why don’t I come with you?” Niall sprung from his seat, following Harry. Behind them, the door was almost completely shut.

“What’s up with you? That whole hug thing, the smiling. I mean you broke up with him. What’s going on in your head? Your thoughts?”

“Okay. First, calm down with the questions. Second, I really don’t know. Maybe it’s just seeing him again. Alazaye, I think I really missed him. You know, like when I first saw him, I couldn’t think. The only thought that popped into my head was that, Oh my god, its Harry, in the flesh. If you must know, I think I might still love him. I know that I still like him, but I think I love him too.”

She was silent as she stared at me, obviously thinking about everything that just poured out of my mouth. Her head tilted also, as if trying to hear what the guys were saying. Then she answered after complete silence.

“Are you going to tell him, or something?”

Though, I was cut short by the sound of foot steps. The boys walked in, Harry handing me the glass. Niall handing Alazaye a glass, appeared to be wine. My finger ran across the rim in circles. Glancing up, I smiled, and mouthed, “Thank you.”

“So why are you guys here in the first place?” Alazaye asked, sitting next to Niall.

“Well, because an old friend moved out here, and I was just visiting. So we thought of telling everyone of coming up here, getting a room, and just hanging out. I mean, this is Hunnington Beach. It’s been a while sense we all hung out together. Four years.”

“And, hey, free good breakfast???” Niall, getting excited.

We all laughed, Niall always the food guy, but didn’t gain any weight, whatsoever.

“So why don’t we get rooms, then? If we are going to be down here. I mean, if its okay with you guys.”

“Of course! I did send letters.”

“Hi, Harry, welcome to twenty first century. Hope you enjoy it.” Niall joked around, his mouth a smile.

“Should we go downstairs and get rooms?” Alazaye said, looking over at me.

“What about clothes? Hunnington Beach is kinda far from San Jose.”

“Come on, Sarah. I’m sure you have enough money for a few outfits, and a pair of shoes. What? Does a head chef not make a lot of money?”

My eyes slanted, and glared down at her. She only responded by rolling her eyes, then darting them to the door.

“Fine. We will be back. I guess we’re getting rooms and clothes.”

Without another word, we stepped out, and made our down to the lobby in utter silence. We didn’t speak until the person working at the front desk talked to us with her perky voice.

“Hi! Can I help you, ladies?”

“Um, hello. Is there two rooms available?” The smile on the woman’s face never faded away. She looked down at the computer, then glancing right back up.

“Yes we do. Your room numbers are 1312, and 1415. How many key cards would you like?”

“Um, two each is fine.”

“Check out is at twelve. Here.” She handed them over with a bright smile and a sparkle in her eye.

“Thank you.” I smiled back, and handed Alazaye’s cards.

We both stuffed them in our pockets, and walked out the big glass doors. There was a slight breeze that lifted our hair. We walked down the street where there were shops, and restraunts.

“It’s kinda fortunate that we ended up in Hunnington Beach.”

“What do you mean?” I glanced over at Alazaye, my eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

“What I mean is that, look around you. Hunnington Beach is so romantic and great for a vacation with a boyfriend. The beach is nice. You got all lit up bars, and food.”

“If you haven’t noticed, I don’t have a boyfriend.” Yanking the door open to first store we passed, holding it for her, and another woman. Giving her a nod when saying thank you.

“Oh, please. Like you and Harry aren’t going to get back together? You said it yourself that you might love him still.”

Eyes widening at what she was getting at, even though she was right that I had practically said that I wanted Harry to be with me. “It’s not like I am going to ask him out or anything. I’m not like that, and you know it.”

We wandered our way to all the women’s clothes, glancing over things hung and folded. It only took me a while to look, and grab a few things. As I walked to the changing room, Alazaye on my heels following me. She sat on the little seat that was right outside and to my right.

“Okay, well, what if he asked you out? Would you say yes?”

Throwing the shirt on, I looked in the small mirror.

“I can’t answer that.”

Her voice got all high when she was confused and wanting something. “What do you mean, you can’t tell me? What kind of answer is that?”

I had already changed my shirt again, looking, and turning.

“I know what you would do if I said that I’d say yes. Then, if I say no, I’d be lying.” I peeked out the door, and gave a half smile that didn’t reach my eyes because of the uncertainty of what she’d do, and she knew what the smile meant.

I closed the door again, slipping on the last shirt. Taking a complete circle, and glancing at the shirt. Then my shoulders slumped in defeat at Alazaye’s sudden silence. The door creaked open as I slowly opened it again. Seeing that she wasn’t there worried me, even if it was nothing. Though, I slowed as I saw myself in the full mirror. The shirt was stripes, shades of black, white and gray. Low scoop and sleeves that came to my elbow, but underneath came to my stomach. What made me stop was the lack of coverage.

I walked out the changing area, and glanced around me. She was by the doors, near the ending of the women’s section. There she stood. Talking. To Harry.

If someone told me that steam came from my ears, I’d believe it. Even though that line was absolutely tacky. Quickly walking to them, I yanked at Alazaye’s arm. Avoiding any eye contact with Harry. Keeping my eyes low, I whispered, “Lets go.” into Alazaye’s ear. Still yanking on her arm, but obviously distracted by something. Glimpsing up at Harry, my eyes slowly looking from his shoes to his deep green eyes, his eyes staring down at me. Reaching out, he brought a strand of hair forward from behind my ear, running his fingers down the hair, then stopping. My eyes locked on where his hand was. Unexpectedly, he shook himself out of it, pulling his hand away and quickly placing his hand on the back of head. Ruffling his hair, and closing his eyes, thinking.

“Um, Alazaye. You called? Said it was important.” Harry spoke, eyes still closed. Though turned his head where Alazaye was standing.

After looking over at me, my eyes at the ground ready to threaten the floor with drops of tears. Hands forcibly shoved into my pockets. She sighed, apologizing.

“I’m sorry, Harry. Now that I think of it, it really isn’t important. Sorry for having you come down here.”

Reopening his eyes, he didn’t dare looking at me again. He just shook his head, and smiled.

“No problem.” And without even a single glance at me, he left.

“Are you kidding me?!” I exclaimed once Harry was out of sight. In my head, the scene played over and over. It was so confusing! He was about to kiss me! Backing down and leaving without looking back at me wasn’t supposed to happen.

Before saying anything, I hurried back to the dressing room. Quickly, I changed back to my regular black button up. Almost running into Alazaye as I left the changing room.

“Purse is in there. Card, money, whatever. Go nuts. Though, don’t make me completely broke.” A sharp glare came from her before rushing outside. It made me feel sick after what happened. How could he lead me on like that, then poof! Harry is gone. He did that, but it must have meant nothing because of the revulsion that suddenly appeared. Seeing him like that was what made me run. Thinking that Harry, my love, might actually be disgusted with me? I slid down the brick wall of the store, hands covering my face.

I flinched from the feeling of the wetness of something hitting my head. Lifting my head, the sky became darkened with black clouds. Soon after, the rain was starting to pour down. I ignored it, and looked forward at the black beach water. It wasn’t far from where I sat. Hands placed against the wall, pushing myself up. I slowly made it to the beach that was instantly deserted by the rain.

My boots sunk into the sand, making my steps slowed. It still didn’t stop me from walking along the rising water. My head hung low, my eyes staring at the surface of the sand, then the dents of my footprints.

“Sarah!” I heard a yell in my direction.

Stopping my tracks and whipping my head up at the sound of my name. There, was Niall and Zayn. Another member of our cute little group. I resisted staying out, and walked over to them to where they were protected by standing under the entrance of the hotel. Momentarily glancing around the empty area surrounding us.

Zayn reached out, giving me a hug. Then wrapping one of the hotel’s around my shoulders. His hand on my back, guiding me towards the elevator. Niall pressed the up arrow, and we waited. Only seconds, there was a ding, and the doors opened. Behind, the sounds of shoes pounding against the wood floor.

A man, complete in a three piece black and gray suit was running towards us. Niall, with fast reflexes, struck out and held the elevator doors. Out of breath, but still thanking Niall and asking for floor number 15.

We came to the thirteenth floor, looking for my room, which was right beside Harry’s room. Reaching in to my back pocket, getting the card, and going inside. It was much like Harry’s but when first walking in; you step into the living room, door to the bedroom down the hall.

“What’s up?” I glanced back at the boys who had sat on one of the couches.

“What do you mean?” Zayn raised a bushy brow.

“You’re hanging out in here. I don’t know I figured you’d be with Harry.”

“Actually that’s what we came to talk to you about. Harry, he’s been acting kind of weird sense you got here. We, uh, just wanted to see what’s up.”

“Nothing. Apparently his revulsion is extremely easily detected.”

Each man gave me a puzzling look, and then turned to each other. Zayn both eyebrows rose with his shrugging shoulders. Niall pinched his eyes together, fingers squeezing the bridge of his nose. Quickly, and almost furiously, stood up, his arms spread wide.

“What the hell are you talking about?” His voice loud and high. “He won’t stop talking about you. Not just when you aren’t around. No, he texts me every damn second about how beautiful your hair is, and how your body moves. The silkiness of your voice. I mean, I love you, Sarah, and all, but this guy is freaking driving me off the edge!” There was a small bubbly noise coming from Niall’s pocket.

He glared at me for a second, but then picked it from his back pocket. His squinting and going back and forth from reading. Eyes staying still, then suddenly there was a second bubble. It was quicker than the first. He unlocked his phone and handed it over to me.

“Read that, and then scroll down.”

“Man, I love the way her eyes sparkle. Especially earlier today, the way she looked up at me. I just wanted to pull her to me, and kiss her.” I read out loud for Zayn’s benefit. Taking the hint from his curious gaze. My finger tapped onto the screen, and flicked my wrist up. “I love her.” My hand cupped my mouth to prevent the on coming sobs and tears.

“Oh Sarah.” Niall stepped closer and took me into a tight hug. Zayn hurrying over, and joining us. My arms were tightly wrapped around them, head laying on both of their shoulders. Freely letting the tears drop to my cheeks. The room was in complete silence except for the sounds of my nose sniffling.

There was a small, light knock on the door. Niall turned his waist, hand reaching out and opening the door. Behind it was Alazaye, holding three shopping bags. Her hair soaking and splashing onto the carpet.

“Hey, what’s up?” There was a small snivel between hey and what’s.

“When I was leaving Kohl’s, rain just started to pound on me. I got you some stuff, but….. It’s kinda got rained on a little.” She looked down at the bags she put on the ground.

Niall, completely ignoring Alazaye, turned to me with a bright gleam in his eyes. “So, what are you doing about Harry?”

“What do you mean? I’m not doing anything.”

“But-But he said he loved you! Are you serious? Are you kidding me right now?”

“Listen, I’m tired and wet, and want to take a shower and go to sleep. So, may I ask, can you please leave now?” My feet started to go towards the bathroom and almost shut the door but looked down at my clothes. I left the door open a little and stuck out my head.

“I kinda need at least a shirt to sleep in. I was wondering if I could borrow one. You can take the card and just set it on the couch, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” The door shutting behind them. The soaking bags were still lying next to the couch. I told myself that I would at least look at the clothes she had bought.

The shower was quick, just letting the warm water run along my skin. Running the hotel soap on my arms and legs. There was nothing but the sound of the water. Then I could faintly hear the sound of the door creaking open, then softly shut. Turning of the water, I reached out and wrapped the towel around me.

The shirt that was lying on the arm of the couch was big when unfolding. When looking at the shirt, I sighed. The shirt was a lose tee shirt that had The Rolling Stones on it.  I let the towel drop, and pull on the over sized shirt that went to the middle of my thigh.

At the end of the bedroom there were French doors that led to a small balcony. I suddenly had a rush of happiness after seeing clouds of smoke coming from my right. Taking a chance, I slowly strode to the doors. Wind blew in as I opened the doors, along with the smoke. The sound of his inhaling and exhaling was loud.

“Harry.” I whispered, as I shut the door behind me.

He leaned over the side, Marlbro hanging out the corner of his mouth. A smile danced on his lips, as he threw the cigarette down and smashed it with his shoe.

“You don’t smoke.”

“I was nervous. I just tried it.” He paused. Looking at me.

“That’s my shirt.” He kept smiling looking down at the shirt.

“Yeah. I needed some clothes, and I guess this is what Niall got. Everything I came in is soaking wet. I hope you, uh, don’t mind.” I couldn’t help looking at him, and watching his smile widen.

“Of course I don’t.”

His hands were on the metal fence, and swinging his legs over to my side. I stepped back when both of his feet were on the ground.

“You hungry?”

“But I don’t have any clothes. I would love to, though.” I glanced back at the room and the bags Alazaye brought. They couldn’t be that wet. Slowly walking through the large doors, I went down to the small living room. Picking up the bag and looking into it, I let out a sigh of relief. Inside the bag were simple jeans and a few normal looking shirts. Harry was standing right next to the couch glancing down at the bag.

“Give me a minute?” I glimpsed up, and smiled at him.    

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