19. I can't
Tears rolled down my face as I stomped down the sidewalk. I didn't know were I was going but I didn't care, I just wanted to leave. After awhile I was able to calm myself a little and whipped the tears off my cheeks. I stopped walking and wrapped my arms around my stomach, mainly because it was cold out and the pain was coming back but, also because I was trying to comfort myself. I sniffled up more tears as I looked up at the sky, it was unusually cloudy out but I could tell it wasn't going to rain. I heard the sound of a car next to me although I didn't look over, I had a pretty good idea who it was. I heard the car door slam as I put my head down to look at my feet. "Ash" louis sniffled, obviously crying. I bit my lip trying hard to ignore him and the horrible pain that was growing in my stomach. "Ash look at me!" He yelled bursting into uncontrolled sobs. I couldn't look at him though, I wouldn't let myself. I knew that all it took was looking at him for him to put me in his trance and make me do whatever he wanted. "Ash" he tried again putting his hands on my shoulders and hanging his head low as he cried. " I'm sorry, I really am I never meant to hurt you in any way or make you feel like you were unwanted or that I was pushing your feelings aside" I squeezed my eyes tight it was getting harder and harder not to look or not to feel bad or to not just let him do whatever so that he was happy. Although I already knew I felt bad, worse than bad actually he was crying waterfalls over me and I was ignoring him. "Ash, I love you" he said wrapping me in a tight hug that I was too weak to leave, not physically but mentally weak. " please come back" I wasn't sure I could, I know that he made me feel safe and that I wanted him to be happy but, for some reason I just couldn't do it. I pushed him away again a shook my head looking at the pebbles that surrounded my feet. Sniffled up a tear and backed away slightly " I can't" and with that I turned and ran as fast as I could, to the only place I could go. My house.