8. he knows
As I made my way to the school I could see him everywhere. Every face was his, every voice was his voice and it was driving me crazy. I ran up to the driveway of the school and just stood there staring at the building. I wanted to go, I wanted to see if he was ok but my feet wouldn't let me move any further. I huffed not knowing what to do, I tried to take a step but my feet wouldn't move. I plopped down on the side walk and just sat there. Waiting. I put my hands in my hair and grabbed two fist full, pulling as hard as I could. I sat like that until the school bell rang for 20th time and the sound of high schoolers filled the air. Louder than any other time today. So I assumed that school was over. I looked up to see people flooding out of school and into cars, with the few people who started walking up the side walk because they didn't have a ride. I looked down at my hands as they approached me, and I noticed that my hands were still heavily shaking. I could see people jump back as they saw me. I probably looked horrid, but I had no care right now. Then again, a girl sitting on the sidewalk shaking like crazy with makeup running down her face was probably scary in their perspective any way. I think the only thing that would make this creepier is if I was showing my cuts, although if never do that willingly. Suddenly all footsteps and car engines stopped and there was just silence. I wanted to leave, and go home to cut again but I couldn't bring myself to do so. No matter how much I craved it. " a-ash?" I heard a little peep from over me, I knew that voice too well, I still didn't like it. I lifted my head slowly to see a scared louis staring down at me. " hi" I said, my voice was uncontrollably shaky and gave off a depressed vibe. He kneeled down next to me and studied my face." Are you ok ash" he asked , and I could tell he was holding back tears. " no, not really" I said making my lips flat as I looked down. " w-what's wrong?" He stuttered sadness filling his voice. I didn't answer, just kept a firm stare at the gravel near me. " ash" his voice cracked. I wanted to answer him, but I couldn't, what do I tell him? It's too difficult to explain. Then there was a silence were we both sat there not speaking a word to each other.a silence I was too scared to break. And in my chest I could feel my heart pounding and I felt like I was going to through up. I felt my breathing quicken, as I scrunched up into a little ball pulling on two fist fulls of hair. " ash" louis croaked, sounding extremely scared, and I was too I had no idea what was happening. I felt the need to scream but I huffed and puffed to try to suppress it. " I'm sorry" I whispered. He didn't answer, so I thought I should say it again "louis I'm really, really sorry" I sniffled. I looked up to louis and locked eyes with his. My bottom lip quivered, I haven't cried because of something that wasn't pain in so long, I hated it. " ash what happened" louis asked looking at me up and down, trying to see any thing physically wrong. " i- I don't know" I said, and with all honestly it was true. I sniffled again as I stood up. Louis shot up next to me. I was about to take off, when he grabbed my wrist. I hissed in pain ripping back my arm. I look back at louis, and by the way he was looking at my wrist, I could tell he knew. He started to cry, " ash" he begged sniffling up tears. I couldn't stay, I couldn't. I ran faster than I ever had before, without stopping, without looking back. I need my razor, I needed to cut.