Suicidal thoughts


1. Bye Guys.

I'm not very confident when it comes to writing about how I feel and I never have been really. I have always wanted to tell you all how I felt but I couldn't ever find the right words. When I was 16 I had a tough time living at home; with all the shouting and screaming I couldn't cope anymore so started to self harm a away to get away from all the pain at home. It may sound stupid to some of you but that's just what I would do to calm down.

Things ended up becoming better at home once my older brother john moved out with his girlfriend, because of this my house became a lot more peaceful and I wasn't as angry so I didn't need to self harm. Once my life was back on track, I met this guy when I was at work. His name was Alfie and he was 19. He always came Into where I worked which is a local cake shop and frequently bought coffee and a muffin.

He plucked up the courage after a moth and asked me out on a date and I said yes, of course. I secretly wanted him to ask me out for ages but never said it to anyone.

Our first date was a pretty normal first date, we went to the cinema and he bought a massive bag of popcorn and the only thing I could hear throughout the movie was 'crunch crunch crunch' as he devoured the popcorn. He would ask me now and again if I wanted any, but I didn't want to seem fat so I said no, even though I was starving. After the film finished, we both went our separate ways and he said that he would call me later on that night. He did.

We then decided after a few more dates we would become lets say 'official' and we did. I was thrilled when he asked me and I would always meet him every day after work. We would take a walk round a local park and then he would have to back home. I asked him why and he said just because of his family and I didn't think anything of it an he would just go but I will cherish these moment.

After a few months of me and Alfie being together, I started to wonder about him as he always met me later then he usually did and this had been going on for a week or so but I never believe his excuses. I left it but I could never leave it fully without confronting him so i asked him when we met up at our usual spot and he told me that he had been cheating on me with some girl that lived down his road. I was fuming and felt so used! How could he do this to me? I will never forget that day.

I cried for says after that and I started to self harm once again. What is wrong with me? Was I too skinny for him? Am I that ugly that someone has to cheat on me with a skank that they barely knew? I was soo annoyed with myself hat I had to end it.

End my pain.

I went down to the corner shop down the road as bought some thick skipping roped. No one was at home so I'm in my bedroom now ready to end my life.

I have not written this to upset you any further but totell you that my life may not be as good as I hoped but to tell you that I'm going to be happy when I leave this place and no one can change that.

Good bye.

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