That depends on what part of it your at. If your at the part where you finally got the guy and he's Mr. Perfect, then life's amazing. But, like me, If you just spent the last four months of your education preparing for a test and and failed, then life ain't so good. I'm not throwing the F-bomb everywhere, I'm just disappointed that I didn't pass a test on technology, especially since I spent most of my time on it. I guess that's what I get for hating calculators.
Talking about Mr. Perfect, he might not be so perfect, after all. Today, one of my greatest fears came true; one of my friends told me that he was no good for me. She said that he's a player and an asshole and she heard him say something really mean. He was talking about this girl, that she should go kill herself, or something like that, I don't quite remember. I told her that that's not true because I don't know that side of him. I told her that he's really nice to me. She said that he's like that with every girl. She said that he's not worth it. I could do better. That I should just wait for high school because the guys are way cuter there. The thing is; she told me this right before the test, which could be why I was a little distracted.
I fear this because it's like having to choose between your friend and your crush, but I think that he might be more than a crush. I just can't stop thinking about him. And I know that it's 'Chicks before dicks,' but he's not coming in between us. She's just trying to warn me. So maybe I will try to get over him, but I know that it's gonna be hard.
I mean, like, yea, I was aware of that when I started falling for him, that I might get hurt. I wanna build experiences and just make memories. You know? That doesn't mean 'everything' with every guy I like. Just, maybe, I'll start with this one. But, honestly, I just wanna live life and feel a little bit of everything.
A little bit of everything. except for drama. I'm getting that whether I want to or not. My friend that likes him too, is getting really mad, or I guess you can call it jealousy. She gave me a dirty look and she is really getting annoying because of that. Another girl told me that she was whining about me. It was right after I saw the guy that I like in the hallway, and I gave him a hug and she was mad, I guess. But I think that she actually has an advantage because she has fourth period with him while I don't have any classes with him.
Life is just complicated.
He walked up to me from behind and I think that he tried to cover my eyes with his hands, but since I wear glasses, that wasn't so easy. My stomach made, like, a thousand front flips when I noticed that it was him. He asked me, " How's it going?" I said, "Not so good. Because of my mom..." I don't know if he understood or he just didn't care. I wish that he would ask more questions, though, because that would show that he really does care. He told me he does, and I just find it so hard to believe.
There's not just drama at school. It also comes home with me. Yesterday my mom was yelling at me on the way to church. Like, wtf? We're going to church where things are supposed to be peaceful. Yet, she was choosing to fight with me. It makes me mad, even sad, that she doesn't even stop and ask what I like or my opinion on anything.
She and my brother are just against me and I don't know why. I feel like they hate me. I clean, I cook, I take care of the children but I just ask why? I think that it may be because I'm not as much into church as they are, because I listen to 'bad' music. Not like they are either. She had sex before she was even married which lead to a baby. He still swears and he also listens to 'bad' music.
The guy I like suggested that I do that same thing he does that makes him happy. We've been warned about this since we were little and I don't wanna ruin that just because of one fight with my mom, well there have been more that one. If I did try it, I would feel like I would be disappointing my dad because he he the one and only person that I truly feel cares about me and I don't wanna let him down by telling him that I did something so bad. I'm also scared to do it because I don't wanna get hooked. I can't even imagine how things would work out if my mom found out. Maybe she wouldn't let me out of her sight ever again.
I'm fifteen years old, for God's sake. I am growing up I think that she should let me go out more often. I think that I should go out more often, even if she doesn't want me to. I won't go wild I just wanna live a little. I don't mean sex every party every weekend. I mean bowling with friends at least once a month or even a walk through the mall.
Oh well. We'll find out tomorrow how things work out. Hopefully better, but we we don't know.
-Daniela xx <3