It didn't take long for someone to open the door.
"Hey, Collin!" I tousled trough the hair of my little brother and asked "Where are Carol and Mom?"
"I'm here!," his Twin sister yelled and run into my arms.
"Hey, Sweetie," I said and hugged my siblings. Then I yelled for my mom, but she didn't answer.
"Where is she?," I closed the door and my mom yelled "In the Kitchen, waiting for you to cook something! Move your lazy ass!"
"Yes, mom!," I yelled back, sighed and walked fast to my room to get off of my bag. Then I went into the kitchen where my mom leaned against the stove with a full wine glass.
"Took a long way?," she said and stared at me.
I tied my hair and ignored her question and asked instead "What do you want to eat?"
She shrugged her shoulders and still stared at me.
"Okay. Col, Car?," I yelled for my siblings and they yelled "Pizza!"
I looked into the direction where their voices came from and throw a glance at my mom.
She nodded, but before she left she said "Clean the house. It's dirty and I'm tired of cleaning up your mess. You're old enough, so you can do something too."
I nodded, but rolled my eyes. Like I wouldn't do everything in this damn house.
I shove frozen pizzas into the stove, put my moms stuff away or rather I cleared it from the reach of Col and Car, and stowed the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and turned it on. Then I made my way into the bathroom and cleaned it.
The minutes passed by until I smelled something scorched. Oh no!
I run back into the kitchen, turned off the stove and tried to save the pizzas.
Suddenly I heard something whizzed past me and broke at the fridge. I froze and looked beside me on the floor, which was full of broken glass now. Then I turned around and looked at mom who was red with rage.
"You can do nothing right! I gave you this simple task and even that you can't do! You are a wastrel... just like your father!"
Col and Car looked frightened at mom and I tried to talk friendly.
"Calm down, mom! I clean this up and you take a walk?"
"Sure! And in this time you burn this house down! Not with me. I'm going to my room now and you look after your siblings, do you get this?!," I nodded and she left without another look.
"Is mom sick?," Collin asked with a little voice and I nodded.
"You have to be really quite and I'll order Pizza, is that okay?"
Both nodded with little smiles and went into the living room. I sighed and dropped my smile.
Although Collin and Carol had to have experienced so many outbursts of mom, it startled them again and again. As long as she couldn't get help from anyone, it won't change, but she didn't even notice what she was doing. And if you wanted to tell her, then she was either mad or suicidal.
The tears ran down my cheeks when I picked up the pieces and throw it together with the pizza in the trash.
From the living room I could hear a soft tune and I had to smile. I took the phone and dialed the number of the first best pizza delivery that I found and ordered several pizzas. The woman on the phone assured me that it would only take about half an hour and wished me a nice evening.
I hung up and went back into the bathroom so I could finish cleaning it up.
I didn't roll up my sleeves, I didn't care whether they were wet or not; I didn't want to see the slow healing scars. They were so old, but they still shone bright on my skin.
When I was younger, I still thought that Mom would get better, that I just had to be strong enough so that I could help her. I suffered so much from her failures that I just had to get rid of these feelings.
When Josh found out, he was incredibly mad at me. He told me that this wouldn't help me or my mother and I would become through this even more weakened. I had to promise to never do it again and until today I had stuck to that promise. I was so afraid of losing him... then I would have had no one left.
Meanwhile, I had to realize that I could not help her. Inside, I had given up, but I still wanted to fight for her – for Collin and Carol's sake.
I was so lost in thoughts that I didn't heard the ringing until the third time.
I dropped everything and immediately grabbed my purse out of my pocket before I went to the door. I opened the door and closed it enough so you couldn't see into the house. Then I looked up and stared at the delivery boy.
"That 's... oh, hey," he said with a smile and looked at me.
No freaking way.
"Are you kidding me?," I hissed and looked at him angry. "Let me guess. In the pizza boxes is nothing except maybe paper and you take not only the money for the 'pizzas' but direct my whole purse?"
He blankly stared at me and then squared his shoulders.
"I'm working. Since I probably won't kidding you, I don't want to lose my job. And maybe I still have more customers than you. So now give me your money so I can go," he hissed and in his blue eyes blazed something.
"Why do you have to work at all?," I asked confused and he rolled his eyes.
"None of your business. The Pizzas make nineteen and forty-five pounds."
I gave him twenty pounds and insisted on my money back.
"Good day," wished Niall half-heartedly and I just closed the door, shaking my head.
What the hell?
I put the pizza down on the kitchen table and then wrote down the number of the pizza service. I also wrote "NEVER CALL" and underlined it twice.
Then I opened the boxes and breathed in the smell of the delicious pizzas.
I put Moms Pizza on a plate, cut it a few times and took it to her door. I took a deep breath and then knocked on her door.
"Come in," she cried, and I opened the door.
"Ah, great, the food," she said, jumped from the window sill and took the plate from me. Just like me, she smelled the pizza and smiled at me.
"Thank you," she purred, I just sighed and didn't wonder any more about her mood change.
With the joint between her fingers and the pizza dish in her hands she turned around and sat down in her chair.
I left the room, closed the door and called "Col, Car!"
The two were immediately by my side and I said, "Dinner is ready."
They smiled at me and we ran together in the kitchen. I cut the pizzas and together we dragged the rest of the boxes in the living room. I turned on the television and we started to eat.
After we had finished eating and a few hours had passed, I brought the kids to bed before I washed the remaining dishes, cleaned the dishwasher and began with sighs my homework.
Eventually I went tired to bed; I hadn't been asleep before one am for years.