My name is Lucy Trish and I have 10 more minutes of being 15. Most teenagers say this when they are turning 16 but for me- well I have no idea where I will end up. I was 12 the last time I tried to resist it. But I can’t. When I was young, I told people about it but now I know that it is stupid. Everyone thinks I am insane. Maybe I am. My handwriting has changed from scribbles to cursive. My friends remind me of past-relationships that I had never really truly encountered. Try to jog a memory of immense humiliation of love, of passion. But I feel nothing. Nothing at all. 10 minutes is all I have.
‘Lucy! Lucy! For god’s sake, Lucy you never ever listen do you. Get your big ass down here! You only have 10 minutes left.’ I laugh at how accurate my best friend is; even though she thinks that I have 10 minutes to get downstairs. I bound down the stairs, approaching the fuzz ball that is Lindy.
She grins at me. Lindy has this way of smiling at you as if you really were the only one she wanted to see. But then again she has what many call a marmite mind set about people. She either loves you or she hates you but really you only want to be loved seeing as she will crush you if you hurt her. Seriously, she will crush you.
‘Hey, hey, hey my lovable duck!’ I shout.
‘Hey, hey, hey my space llama!’ she replies even louder.
My mum turns around slowly as if she is expecting a mess. She breathes out a sigh of relief when she sees that we haven’t created a mess that she’ll have to mop up.
‘Don’t be back too late, okay? We do not want a repeat of 2006 now do we? We know seagulls dislike you after nine!’ She laughs and I force myself to laugh too even though I have no idea what happened in 2006. Anyway, I will not be back before nine. With my luck, I will return when I am married to some random man that I have no history with.
I rush to hug her. The last hug in a while, I remind myself.
She laughs as if she is surprised at my sudden act of compassion and her slow shaking of the head speaks more than words can say-
‘She always hugs me as if it’s the last time!’ she whispers to my dad. He grins at me.
‘Don’t be back-‘
‘Too late. I know…!’ I say pretending to be annoyed even though really that one sentence makes me love him even more. I shake my head of the emotions and grab Lindy’s arm.
‘Come on then lazy guts!’
‘Aye, aye captain!’
She runs off, cackling. I run after her, smiling happily and laugh a proper laugh. The types that cause you to throw your head back and rub your stomach for hours after. Although I must remind myself that, the sentimental feeling will not stay for hours. I run past the carousel that I have ridden so many times. I love the carved poles that suspend the horses and the beautiful patterned saddles, coloured in gold, pink, green, and embossed in silver stars and warm, rich flowers. It is not a modern ride with flitting lights, loud music and maverick owners who would only strap you in at the last minute. This is a proper old-fashioned ride with an old owner and old-fashioned fairground music. It is weird though, because it is just the one ride. There are no surrounding candyfloss dispensers or ice cream vans, or angry sellers waving their glow sticks around desperately, or little kids waving their glow-sticks, crying, and vomiting.
I search for the owner but he never is there on the night of my ‘regeneration’. I love saying regeneration because it makes me feel like I am special, like the doctor. Like I have a special purpose even if I do not. I love Doctor Who, not because I find them all attractive (even though I do) but because I know that there are people out there who do not have limits to their madness levels. They believe in weeping angels and regeneration. They make me feel real.
The fairground spins slowly even though the lights are off and the padlock is secured around the door where the owner usually sits. I like to think he sits there twiddling his moustache, his mind in the past even though in reality it is usually a fat, old man with chewing gum and a pack of dirty magazines. I try to kid myself though, because that man does not encase my image of my special carousel rider.
‘Lucy!’ A voice whispers. It is a low deep voice, and the person’s arms wrap themselves around my waist. It’s James. I already know from the lime green smell.
‘James…’ I whisper and turn to face him. He looks at me deeply but my melting session is abruptly interrupted.
‘James!’ Lindy shouts.
He turns and his eyes go cold he removes his arms from my waist and turns to face her. For some reason he despises her. Something must have happened when they were together, last year or some time that I cannot remember. James does not answer just smiles a cold smile, glowers at her and then turns back to me planting a soft kiss on my cheek.
‘Let’s go!’ he says and grabs my hand.
‘I can’t, I promised Lindy I would go to the park with her, and you can come too!’
As soon as I see his expression I realise inviting him along was stupid.
‘I’ll go have fun. I love you.’ He twiddles me round and walks off into the distance, leaving me tongue-tied and unable to shout back. Surely, at 15, I cannot feel the emotion of love.
I check my watch and 7 minutes have already passed.
‘Let’s go!’ I shout to Lindy. I add silently in my head that we only have 3 minutes left.
‘Why doesn’t he like you?’ I ask hastily as we jog to the play park.
‘Well, remember, I dumped him!’ she says carelessly and something tells me she is not telling all of the truth. Probably my consciousness. I cannot remember that anyway.
I grin automatically and make kissing noises even though really I want to sob. I stare at her wild green eyes and realise for the first time that there are some things that she keeps from me just like the things I keep from her. The compassion I feel for Lindy is awesome. She really is the nicest girl and the best friend. No wonder James went out with her, she is bloody gorgeous. More gorgeous than me anyhow. I am a podgy girl with long brown hair and brown eyes. Nothing special, not really.
Then she stops. The wind freezes and all the people just stare. The girl with the buggy is frozen feeding her child, the baby looking up at her face with admiration and love. The car that was blasting out Skrillex has frozen, the drunk teens inside deep in thought. The regeneration is happening. It has come. I close my eyes and imagine that time when I first met James. Funny, Kind James. He was the kind of person who was a mystery and deep. The type that no-one knew much about at all but that everyone wanted to date and to find out the secrets of. I guess I hit the jackpot at 14. I really did. The people walk backwards, Lindy laughs and just like that, the world rewinds for me.
Then everything blacks out.