I've always wondered why sleep only felt like a second, whereas the hours you spend awake drag on and it feels like forever. Harry's bed smelt too familiar, as soon as the realisation hit me I threw up. People deal with pain and loss in different ways, some choose to deny it, some choose to move on. I'm the type of person to spend hours over thinking every little detail to try and make any sense of it. Liam's note said that they talked about it, he must know the exact reason he is gone. I've thought about asking him and then gone against it, but why can't I?
Liam was asleep on the sofa in the living room, his arm was wrapped around Jess'. I don't know why I was jealous, after all them being together is partly my doing. Jess can make him happy and I know I can't. Louis was lying on the kitchen floor with puke all on his clothes, I muffled a laugh and got him a new change of clothes. His response was no little than a groan, but still it was something. "You need a shower, come upstairs and I'll sort it out for you" I said gently and he nodded. I picked him up of the floor and led him upstairs to the bathroom. Knowing he wasn't going to attempt taking off his clothes I did it for him, letting him take off his boxers. "I'll be downstairs if you need me" I whispered not wanting to disturb his headache, once again he nodded and I left him alone. Zayn was sprawled on the floor with a bucket in his hands, what happened here last night? His eyelids fluttered open and he managed a smile "where's Niall?" he asked rubbing his head.
I looked around "I don't know" he wasn't in his room. Hearing voices from the guest room I poked my head in and froze once I saw Niall shoving on his top. "I'm sorry I should have knocked" I said shamefully and ducked my head.
Niall looked at the boy next to him and shook his head "it's fine, we're awake now."
"I'll see you downstairs" I waved at them and met Zayn by the stairs. "He has company" I raised my eyebrows and pushed past him.
"Company?" he said walking behind me and I nodded.
"It seems Louis wasn't the only one who got laid last night" I laughed and he frowned. "Zayn what is it?"
"Nothing it's just shocking that's all" he said softly and managed to walk to the kitchen, only to slump down in the chair.
"This house is a mess" I pointed out looking at the empty cups and crisp packets over the floor. Puke was left on the armchair, obviously no one bothered to clean that up. Few of the chairs were knocked over and the television looked wonky. Going up to it I noticed one of the legs missing, how did it manage to lose a leg? I shook my head and joined Zayn back in the kitchen making him a cup of tea. "I don't understand, after I went to bed what the hell happened?"
He looked at me biting his lip "I can't really remember, shots were involved" he smiled, "we played spin the bottle."
I raised my eyebrow "oh, who kissed who?"
He rubbed his head "I don't know really it's all a blur, I'm not even sure if I was playing."
I rolled my eyes and passed him his cup of tea which he took gratefully. We sat in silence for a while, something on both our minds. I considered asking him what was up but he never liked sharing, so I left it.
An hour had passed and we were finally joined by everyone. Jess gave me an awkward hug before leaving and we all had some toast.
"So" I was the first person to speak, "anyone got anything they want to share about last night?"
Louis thought for a second "I slept with that girl. then I puked over her, she went home and I slept on the floor."
"Oh god Louis, nice one how about you?" I said to Niall knowing he had something to share.
He blushed and looked down at the table "I slept with someone too, a guy."
Louis dropped his toast "how was it?"
Niall shrugged "painful but nice, I don't know it didn't feel right."
"You think that maybe you're not gay?" Louis continued to badger him.
Niall laughed "no definitely gay."
"Well at least you know now right, that guy must have done something right for you to know for sure" I pointed out and Louis agreed.
He shrugged "I was already sure."
I left it at that and moved on to Liam, who's story I dreaded knowing "how about you?"
"Nothing" he said bluntly
"But what about Je...."
"I said nothing" he said coldly and stormed out the kitchen.
"What's his deal?" Louis asked leaning next to me. "Maybe he couldn't you know"
"Couldn't what?" I asked completely clueless although the rest knew what he was talking about.
He sighed "sometimes I forget you're not a guy, he couldn't get it up."
My eyes widened "oh, but how do you know they even tried?"
"Trust me they tried" he seemed sure, but I was too jealous to ask for any more details.
Liam was by himself in the garden picking at a bit of grass. Frown lines covered his forehead and his expression was a fixed glare. Not bothering to speak I sat down next to him and lent back against the wall. He turned his head to face me "what do you want Kate?" he said exhausted.
"Answers" I admitted
"I told you nothing happened" he half shouted.
"No not to that, Harry. In the note he said you talked about it with him, I wanted to know what?"
He frowned "Kate I can't talk about it with you, it's not my place."
"Don't you think I have a right to know?"
He shook his head "no I don't, this is Harry's past, it's up to him if he wants people to know."
My cheeks turned red, anger was at the pit of my stomach "and what's so bad about me that he couldn't tell me?"
He shrugged "the truth is I don't know why he didn't tell you, but it's not you he didn't tell anyone."
"Except you" I muttered under my breath.
"Why over think this, trust me he didn't leave because of you, or if he never comes back it's not because of you either."
"How could he leave me" I cried silently and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
"Honestly? I have no idea how he could leave you."
I looked up to him and lent forward planting a kiss on his cheek. "I've missed this" I admitted "talking to you just like this like we used too."
"We still can" he said wearily
"Can we?" I challenged him "because recently I haven't felt that."
"I was mad at you but I'm not anymore" he said softly.
"Because you're with Jess?"
He shook his head "no because I love you and staying mad at you is merely impossible."
We both laughed and I lent my head on his shoulder. I wasn't sure how long we were sat like this, minutes maybe even hours, but this right now was heaven.